I have a pre-teen only 12...help!!?

Question

She is only 12 years old, I caught her on the phone talking to a boy.. when I asked her in regards to whom she was talking to she lied she to? She said it was her bestfriend Alyssa. TheBoy is a friend of my sons' he is 13 years of age . It is a rule, a known rule NO TALKING ON THE PHONE TO BOYS!!! I have no problem with her having friends of the oppisite sex.. just do not think it is wise to allow children this young to talk on the phone. I really think she likes this boy. Help !

Answer 1

Since you're such a smart and savvy mother about the rules, I'm sure that you also stated what the punishment is, when and if she broke the "No talking to boys on the phone" rule.

I'm sure your daughter knows the punishment, agreed to the punishment before the phone call, and since you're a consistent and firm and loving parent, your daughter knows the outcome, -before it even happens.

Of course if you did not specify a punishment that she knew and agreed to, then the negotiating will start. The... "it's not fair" accusations, the .. "why me?" statements, and a lot of door slamming.

Here's another rule(s)...
1. Don't make rules unless you can reasonable enforce them.
2. Make known the punishment before hand.
3. Don't ever loose credability, once that's gone... you've nothing!!

Answer 2

I'm not sure where exactly your from but a 12 year old should be allowed to talk on the phone to a girl or a boy. You can't keep her locked away forever and the harsher the rules now (no boys on the phone) the more likely she will be to try and sneak and do it. You should just let her but make sure you monitor I don't mean listen in I just mean see how long and how often ask her what they talked about. Which you should be doing whoever she talks to. You have to be very involved in kids these days to keep them out of trouble but not so much so they resent you for it. All kids will have a little resentment but you know when you are pushing to hard. Just let her be young and have fun. She sn't going to get in trouble on the phone that comes later when she has to sneak out cuz you didn't let her talk on the phone

Answer 3

I guess the first question is, why do you not think it wise to allow preteens to talk on the phone? My son is 11 and has a girl friend that he talks to on occasion. I keep close tabs on him and what he does but I don't feel it necessary to keep him isolated from the opposite sex. You can't keep them apart forever... and the more you try the more likely she is to lie and try to sneak around.
Talking is not dating... and if she's at home using the phone you can at least hear her side of the conversation to make sure it's appropriate for her age.

Answer 4

I would say that you would have to check your motives. Don't you want your child of 12 to talk on the phone or don't you want your girl of 12 talking to boys...on the phone. If it is because of the phone bill explain that to you child and if s/he is willing to pay for the calls they make so be it. In turn you are teaching them a life skill-responsability. If you dont want your 12year old girl having friends who are boys...I think you should take a hard look at yourself-you should trust the upbringing that you have given your child. Rather let her talk to him in your own house than getting pregnant in someone elses

Answer 5

Both my son(12) and my little sister(14) have myspaces and they dont talk to anyone other than their friends from school. I cant even view their myspaces without having been signed in and being on their friend list. I think everything is dangerous for a kid or anyone if they misuse it. Its a parents job to let their kids do thing such as have friends on myspace but to monitor it and make sure they are safe. I check my sons and little sisters (i have both passwords they dont know) while they're at school and i dont see anything too bad in there other than trying to get a girl to go out with his friend which is typical. Anything can be a bad situation you just have to watch them.

Answer 6

Isn't that sweet? She likes a boy! I don't see why you have that rule. There is no harm in letting her talk on the phone to a boy. I could understand if you wouldn't allow her to go unsupervised to a movie or at the mall with the boy. But the phone? What's the worst that could happen?

Boys like girls and girls like boys. It's inevitable. What's wrong with it?

Answer 7

me too! no phone calls yet...
i remember the girls that had very strict parenting re: this subject,
they were always the ones who spent the most time with boys
and ended up preg. first! rule: no lies, get to know the boy,
keep a timer, meet the parents, allow a bit of freedom to learn
to socialize, be open about adolescence, talk, remain calm! and
stand firm. good luck

Answer 8

You have a silly rule. Whats wrong with talking on the phone with boys? Your daughter is growing and changing and it's perfectly normal. It's too bad she has to sneak around and lie and it will get worse if you don't loosen up.

Answer 9

If you force the issue, you will be eventually making her sneak around behind your back. Open up mom. She likes boys. Let her talk to them, but limit it. Make sure you lighten up a little and TALK to her and not AT her. The more open she feels with you, the more you'll know about what she's doing. Make sure you explain concequences and rewards for her actions. If you do this, you get that.....Hope she has a little knowledge of sexual diseases and pregnancy.

Answer 10

So what if she was talking on the phone to him - you say you don't mind her having freinds of the opposite sex, but thats what friends do. If you enforce strict rules on her she'll only rebel in the future.