My boyfriend's sister was depressed several months ago, suicidal. We offered her to stay with us for a while, she is now going to move in this month. She is feeling better, apparently (although I don't know that I want to be the one to "watch" her.
We get along quite well, but our place is small & we are used to our own world. (like everyone else). we also have 2 cats & a dog. One of the cats is very shy & has a tendency to pee/ hide when irritated. He hasn't done it in a while, because he likes where his litter is now.
Thing is bf's sis just got a kitten. My cats are boys (fixed not declawed) & her kitten is a girl (not fixed)
I really would rather not go through with this, but we already commited, offered. Now she's having problems with her & my bf's dad,& doesn't want to see him. Well my bf has no problem with dad, but now, what he can't come over?
She has also be incredibly sheltered &has not worked for much on her own, like paying for an apartment.
2006-07-19 02:18:01 · 10 answers · asked by Nanjadufrance 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
She is 23 years old, & her parents help her out with money all the time.
The way I see it, she needs to get out on her own and get a life. But, of course BF feels too guilty to say anything to her, though he feels basiclly the same as me.
2006-07-19 02:19:17 · update #1
I would say no kitten allowed...and make sure you has a time plan to leave in place before she moves in and she agrees to it:)
Good luck!
2006-07-19 02:24:16 · answer #1 · answered by AQHA34 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As long as you're paying your share of the bills, you have a right to say who gets to live with you and if she can bring a pet. Tell her that her kitten is not welcome as you all ready have 3 pets of your own.
You gave her a time limit so be sure to hang tough and stick to it. You can put up with just about anything for a month.
My Fiancee had a roommate that was depressed, not suicidal yet though, and he just sat like a lump on a log and didn't do anything to help around the house. You make sure your boyfriend's sister does her share of the chores, or maybe even the bulk of them if she isn't working. No need for her to mooch off the two of you any more than she is.
As to the father situation, it's your and your boyfriend's palce. If you want the dad to come over, you have every right to have him over. She can leave for a bit while you visit with dad.
Remember, it's your place and she's a guest.
In my opinion, if she's depressed and suicidal, she needs professional help and maybe a half-way house or somewhere that has the capability of helping her mental state. God forbid, she does something stupid while staying with you and you get stuck with the guilt.
Good luck.
2006-07-19 09:27:27 · answer #2 · answered by parsonsel 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that since you both have already part way committed yourselves you need to take her in. However, I suggest that you both lay down some ground rules before she does come.
1. She needs to enroll AND attend regular counseling classes to sort out why she no longer wants to live. When her self esteem is where it should be she should WANT to get out on her own.
2. Arrange for your BF's dad to visit when she's at counseling.
However keep suggesting to her once in a while that she should make amends with her dad. After all when she needs money her parents are who gives it to her which means HE is one of them.
3. If she must bring along her cat she has to have her fixed.
4. You and your boyfriend must not try to make her feel worse. I don't mean to tip-toe around, but assign chores for her to do around the apt. that she's good at. That way she'll be earning her keep, albeit in a small way.
Also, don't be afraid to dish out compliments to her as well, you'll never know how much they'll mean to her!
2006-07-19 09:36:42 · answer #3 · answered by art 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's probably never a good idea to make an offer you are not willing to follow through on. There is no reason their father can't come visit. She can go somewhere or go into another room if she does not want to see him. It's not fair for her to expect to alter the relationship between her brother and father because she has problems with him. Maybe she can use this time to reflect on things and make a plan for becoming self-sufficient. This will be a time of adjustment for everybody and every kitty. Patience, encouragement and understanding go a long way toward helping her with that goal.
2006-07-19 09:25:26 · answer #4 · answered by jd 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off you need to give her a time limit to find her own place and be out of your little apartment. Second: if the cat issue is going to be a problem, then she needs to find a place to keep her cat. Yes, you offered to help her out BUT you didnt sign on to be a babysitter or make life unbearable for you and your boyfriend. As far as the father, if she doesnt want to see him, thats her problem, I wouldnt tell him he couldn't come over because she is there. Don't forget whose apartment this is.
2006-07-19 09:28:42 · answer #5 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you should have thought this thru before you invited her. Let's see, she has to get a job. It will make her feel better to know there are people out in the world worse off than her. Make sure she get's off her butt and does something. Exercise and being tired will help with the depression. You can let her know , without being rude, that she has to contribute. The cats are on their own.
2006-07-19 09:29:50 · answer #6 · answered by Karen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The problems are already starting before she's moved in. It's ok for people to sit back and review things and change their minds. Others may not be understanding but they're not the ones that would be enduring this either. Your b/f needs to tell her no and if she gets mad, then so be it. You cannot please all of the people all of the time and you and him need to do what's best for your own sake and peace of mind.
2006-07-19 09:38:03 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is good that she has you and her brother to offer emotional support at this time. However, You should not change your lifestyle to accommodate her. Let her know she is welcome to stay with you, but her cat cannot move in - your animals should not be threatened in their own home, or displaced. Also, if the relationship with your bf's father is on level that he comes over to visit, it should continue. Let her know you are happy to help but that you will not change anything in your life to accommodate her.
2006-07-19 09:26:58 · answer #8 · answered by Tangled Web 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her straight off what you feel, Also tell her that she needs a job, And don't worry about anything ,everything else will be fine.. Just make sure you are honest with her.. They say Honesty is the best Policy
2006-07-19 09:38:45 · answer #9 · answered by Advice for all 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
let her .......make her cook clean and every thing else
2006-07-19 15:57:31 · answer #10 · answered by moose man 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋