Does anybody else on here know any old people jokes?

Question

..3 old women who were sisters all shared a house together. One day the youngest sister went to take a bath and stepped into the water, she turned around to get something and when she turned back she couldn't remember whether she was getting in or getting out. She called for the middle sister to help her, and the middle sister said I'm coming! Hallway up the steps she paused for a moment to catch her breath, and then she couldn't remember WHY she was even going upstairs. She called for her oldest sister to ask her if she knew, and the oldest sister said, "you were going upstairs to help Violet, remember"? "Oh, yeah, now I remember", the middle sister replied, as she continued up the steps. The oldest sister just sat at the kitchen table thinking to herself, wow, I'm glad I'm not as messed up as those two, and she knocked on wood. She then got up and headed towards the door, wondering who on earth could be knocking at this time of night! :)

Answer 1

that was funny, check this old couple:

One day old man Stumpy and his wife Martha went to the Illinois State Fair. There is this man selling plane rides in his single prop show plane for $10 per person. Stumpy looks to Martha and says, "Martha, I think I really should try that." Martha replies, "I know you want to Stumpy, but we have a lot of bills, and you know the money is tight, and $10 is $10." So Stumpy goes without. Over the next few years they return every year, and the same thing, Stumpy wants to ride, but Martha says no money.
Finally, when Stumpy and Martha are both about 70 years old, Stumpy looks to Martha, and says, "Martha, I'm 70 now, and I don't know if I'll ever get the chance again, so I just have to be naughty and have a ride in that there airplane." Martha replies in the same old fashion, and Stumpy kind of slumps down. The pilot is standing near by and overhears the conversation...

The pilot pipes up, "Excuse me folks, I couldn't help but hear your situation, and I have a deal for you. I'll take both of you up together, and if you can both make the entire trip without saying a word, or even making the slightest sound, I'll give the ride for free. But if either of you make a sound, its $10 each." Well, Martha and Stumpy look at each other, and agree to take the ride.

The pilot takes them up, and starts to do loop de loops, twists, dives, climbs and spins. No sound. The pilot lands the plane, looks back at Stumpy and says, "Sir, I have to hand it to ya, you didn't make even the slightest sound and that was my best stuff." Stumpy looks back at the pilot and says, "Well, I was gonna say something when Martha fell out, but $10 is $10!"

Answer 2

Cheaper Sex

A couple, both 67, went to a sex therapist's office.

The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"

The man said, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?"

The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed.

The doctor examined them and then directed them to disrobe and go at it.

When the couple finished, the doctor reexamined them and, upon completion, advised the couple, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse." He then charged them $32.

This happened several weeks in a row.

The couple would make an appointment, have intercourse with no apparent problems other than the lack of vigor, which is to be expected in 67 year-olds, get dressed, pay the doctor, and then leave.

Finally after almost two months of this routine, the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?"

The old man said, "Oh, we're not trying to find out anything. She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married, so we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $60. The Hilton charges $78. We do it here for $32 and I get $28 back from Medicaid".

Answer 3

hehe that was cute

1.

one day 3 little old ladies were sitting on a porch enjoying the afternoon, suddenly a man came by in the nude and stood before them. one of them reached out and then had stroke, the second one reached out and then had a stroke also, the third one reached out but her arms were too short. hehe

2.

An old man got onto a bus only to see that there was no seats available. his only choice was to stand, so as the bus started moving it hit a bump. The old man's can slipped and he landed on the ground. A little 7 year old boy who was sitting in the seat saw this and said to the old man "you know if you put a rubber thingy on the end of your stick it won't slip" the old man looked at him with anger and said "if your daddy did the same thing 7 years ago i would have a seat today" hehe check ya later ♥

Answer 4

i did no longer even watch Letterman till this got here approximately. What people who're protesting this don't comprehend is that for each viewer he loses, he's already won 2. His score are way up.

Answer 5

You know you're getting old when:
- your back goes out more often than you do
- your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles
- your bra fits better put on backwards

Answer 6

Old man in a nursing home is sitting still in his chair, then he starts to lean over to the side. A nurse spots him, so she sits him up straight. "We don't want you to fall, Bill, just let me know if you're tired and want to be put to bed."

A little while later, she glanced his way and saw that once more he was starting to lean over to one side. "If you're sleepy, Bill, just let me know. I don't want you to fall!"

This went on day after day. One day, the man's son came for a visit, and he said, "Get me out of here. I can't stand it any more!"

"Why Dad? What's wrong?"

He started to lean to one side, and the nurse came by and said "Whoops! can't have you falling out of your chair, can we?" And she straightened him up.

The man told his son, "That nurse. She's so cruel. She won't let me fart!"

Answer 7

This joke again? within 5 mins?

Answer 8

When did the old mexican know when it was time to eat again?

His ***-hole stopped burning.

Answer 9

Whats blue and fuc ks old people?..........Hypothermia

Why do they give viagara to old men in retirement homes?
...........so they dont roll out of bed

Why dont old ladies wear bras?..........because they wear belts..

Answer 10

Yo mama is so old so baby sitted YODA!