If you think so then please let me know the joke, I am kind of sad this morning, and need something to make me laugh. Thanks.
My joke-That was funny, and even though some people are saying that it is an old joke, it was NEW to me, lol. Well, I try to top that with this....3 old women who were sisters all shared a house together. One day the youngest sister went to take a bath and stepped into the water, she turned around to get something and when she turned back she couldn't remember whether she was getting in or getting out. She called for the middle sister to help her, and the middle sister said I'm coming! Hallway up the steps she paused for a moment to catch her breath, and then she couldn't remember WHY she was even going upstairs. She called for her oldest sister to ask her if she knew, and the oldest sister said, "you were going upstairs to help Violet, remember"? "Oh, yeah, now I remember", the middle sister replied, as she continued up the steps. The oldest sister just sat at the kitchen table thinking to herself, wow, I'm glad I'm not as messed up as those two, and she knocked on wood. She then got up and headed towards the door, wondering who on earth could be knocking at this time of night! :)
2006-07-19 00:56:07 · 15 answers · asked by candy0813 3 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel plans. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.
Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My loving wife
Subject: I've arrived Date: April 6, 2006
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then. Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. sure is freaking hot down here!!!!!
hehe check ya later ♥
2006-07-19 01:59:23 · answer #1 · answered by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
9 Things I Hate About Everyone
1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?
2. People who are willing to get off their *** to search the entire room for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.
3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?
4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna kick their asses!
5. When people say, while watching a film, "Did you see that?". No, Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.
6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya, Sunshine?
7. When something is "new and improved!"...Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, so it couldn't be new.
8. When people say "life is short". What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever experiences!! What can you do that's longer?
9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, Dumb-***?
Not that funny, but the only one I could think of at the moment.
2006-07-19 01:27:46 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Two old ladies were outside their nursing home, having a smoke, when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end and put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking.
Lady 1: What's that?
Lady 2: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Lady 1: Where did you get it?
Lady 2: You can get them at any drugstore.
The next day, Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.
The guy, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely she is, after all, over 80 years of age, but very delicately asks what brand she prefers.
Lady 1: Doesn't matter son, as long as it fits a Camel.
The pharmacist fainted
2006-07-19 03:50:14 · answer #3 · answered by ♥Gilmore♥ 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Pinch My Nipples
A woman went to a K-Mart service counter and told the clerk she wanted a refund for the toaster she bought because it won't work.
The clerk told her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special.
Suddenly, the woman threw her arms up in the air and started screaming, "PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!!!!"
The befuddled clerk ran away to get the store manager in front of a growing crowd of customers.
The manager comes to the woman and asks,"Ma'am what's wrong?"
She explained the problem with the toaster, and he also told her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special.
Once again, the woman throws her arms up in the air and screamed, "PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!"
and in doing so, draws an even bigger crowd!
In shock, the store manager pleads, "Ma'am, why are you saying that?"
In a huff, the woman says, "BECAUSE, I LIKE TO HAVE MY NIPPLES PINCHED WHEN I'M BEING SCREWED!!"
The crowd broke into applause and her money was quickly refunded!!
2006-07-19 08:16:02 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
This one lady became searching for the perfect guy and later she discovered about this guy who not in any respect had made like to a lady. He became an Australian backwoods guy. She became Curious and became presented to him. They met and had lunch and were given alongside merely nice, They agreed to get alongside with it and went to her homestead for a drink. at the same time as they arrived, the backwoodsman began to bypass each and each of the furnishings to the walls. She became extra curious and requested him why are you transferring each and each of the furnishings hostile to the walls, properly, his reply became; If yea something like a kangaroo, i will choose each and each of the room i will get
2016-11-06 19:58:43 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thats new to me and thats funny! A tinsy bit confusing for a split second but hilarious.
2006-07-19 01:04:42 · answer #6 · answered by slushie... 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
THERE'S THIS FAT GUY READING THE NEWSPAPER. HE SEES AN ADD STATING "LOSE WEIGHT REALLY FAST 1$ A POUND". THE FAT GUY GOES TO THE CLNIC THAT SAME DAY. HE SAYS I'LL TRY LOSING 20 LBS. THE MAN AT THE COUNTER SAYS "20 $ PLEASE. GO TO ROOM NUMBER 1 AND TAKE OFF YOUR CLOTHES, THEN TURN OFF THE LIGHTS." THE FAT GUY GOES TO ROOM NUMBER ONE AND TAKES OFF HIS CLOTHES AND TURNS OFF THE LIGHTS. ALL OF A SUDDEN THE LIGHTS GO ON AND A REALLY HOT NAKED CHICK APPEARS. SHE SAYS TO HIM "YOU WANT ME? CATCH ME AND YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANT WITH ME." THE FAT GUY HASN'T SEE PUNANY IN YEARS (IF EVER) SO HE'S ALL EXCITED AND RUNS, AND RUNS, AND RUNS, UNTIL FINALY HE CATCHES HER. HE DOES HER AND THEN WEIGHS HIMSELF. 20 LBS LESS!!! WOW!
THE NEXT DAY THE GUY SAYS TO HIMSELF "SELF, TODAY I'LL LOSE 40 LBS!" SO HE GOES TO THE CLINIC AND ASKS FOR THE 40 LBS TREATMENT. THE GUY TELLS HIM TO GO TO ROOM NUMBER 2 AND TAKE OFF HIS CLOTHES AND TURN OFF THE LIGHTS. THE FAT DUDE GETS NAKED AND TURNS OFF THE LIGHTS. THE LIGHT GOES BACK ON AND TWO NAKED CHICKS ARE NOW STANDING IN FRONT OF HIM!!! THEY SAY TO HIM "YOU WANT US? CATCH US AND DO WHATEVER YOU WANT!!" HE RUNS, AND RUNS, AND RUNS, AND FINALY CATCHES THEM. SO HE WEIGHS HIMSELF, 40LBS LESS!!!
THE NEXT DAY HE SAYS TO HIMSELF "SELF, I'M GONNA GO FOR THE BIG FISH. 80 POUNDS!" SO HE GOES TO THE CLINIC AND TELLS THE GUY "I WANT TO LOSE 80 POUNDS." THE GUY REPLIES " ARE YOU SURE CAUSE THIS IS VERY DANGEROUS AND YOU COULD ET HURT!" THE FAT GUY GRINS AND SAYS "I'M SURE". THE GUY AT THE COUNTER SAYS " CAN'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU! GO TO ROOM THREE AND YOU KNOW THE DRILL!" THE FAT GUY GOES TO ROOM 3 ALL EXCITED AND STRIPS DOWN TO HIS BRITHDAY SUIT. TURNS OFF THE LIGHTS ... THEN THE LIGHTS GO ON AND A THIS HUGE BLACK GUY WITH A 12 INCH DICK SAYS TO HIM "YOU BETTER RUN B I T C H!"
2006-07-19 01:10:25 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yep, old, but still 12/10
Keep 'em coming dude.
2006-07-19 01:05:26 · answer #8 · answered by police 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
that realy was TEN OUT OF TEN you nutter, i have not heard tha before and am still chuckling, that beats a lot man
2006-07-19 10:11:46 · answer #9 · answered by *DAN* 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
cool dude
10/10
2006-07-19 01:01:01 · answer #10 · answered by serial kisser 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋