Who's got a really sick joke for me?

Answer 1

Any of these good enough for ya:

A paedo and a ten year old girl are walking through a dark forest.
Girl - "I'm scared"
Paedo - "You think you're scared, I have to walk back on my own"


Q: What's black, smokes and sits at the top of the stairs?
A: Stephen Hawking in a house fire.


Q: What's pink and smells of holly?
A: Ian Huntley's knob

Answer 2

Three dogs are in the pound.A Doberman,a St.Barnard & a Great Dane,so they start talking and ask each other "hey what you in for?" The Doby says"we'll you see me and my master had it made until he met this chick with a little boy & they moved in.He was always pulling my tail & Sh@#,so I bit him a couple of times! and they say I'm getting the needle!" "Yea me too"said the St. Banard,"I was put out in my yard by my master when he met his new chick & these neighborhood kids would come by & throw rocks at me,until one day she forgot to close the gate,I got two of em' before they even knew I was gone,but I'm getting the needle all the same." Hey," they said to the Great Dane you sure are quiet What did you do? "Well my stories some what like you guys,my master met a woman too & moved her in, she was cleaning the house one day in the nude & was bent over the coffee table & I just couldn't resist,I mounted her & I gave it to her right there & then!" "OH MAN NO WAY,so you are really getting the needle yea!" "No I'm just here to get my nails done."

Answer 3

Once 20 ants were takin bath in a river. An elephant came and dived into the same spot. 19 ants were splashed out of the river. 1 ant got stuck on the elephant's head. The remaining frustrated 19 ants were shouting to the 1 on the top "Hey,buddy...Drain that bloody ***.... inside the river"

Answer 4

The killing joke.

Two guys are in a mental institution and they decide they don't want to live in a mental institution any more. So they decide to break out.

That night, they hide until after 'lights out' and sneak up the stairs to the roof. There are the lights of the city, shining before them. There is a building next door the same height. If they can just get over to the roof of the building next door, they will be able to get down to the street level and go out. They will be free!

So one of them takes a tremendous running jump and lands on the roof of the adjoining building. "Come on!" he tells his friend. "It's easy!"

But the second guy is afraid. He doesn't have the nerve.

So his friend says to him, "Listen, I have my flashlight with me. I'll turn it on and lay it on the edge of the roof, here. The beam will reach across to the roof you're on, and you can WALK across on the beam!"

But the second guys says, "I'd have to be CRAZY to do that! YOU'D turn it OFF when I was halfway across!"

Answer 5

Marriage & Manners


This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years.

The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke.
The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.

Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick.

He told her he could not stop it and that it was perfectly natural.

She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out.

The years went by and he continued to rip them out!

Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl
where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her.

She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic
waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.

Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom.

The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes!
After years of torture, she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.

About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face.

She bit her lip as she asked him what the matter was.

He said, "Honey, you were right. All these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you".

"What do you mean?" asked his wife.

"Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened.
But by the grace of God, some Vaseline and two fingers, I think I got most of them back in."

Answer 6

the military men were called outside during thier shower. So, they had to line up shivering And naked or half-naked. Their leader comes out, and notices one guy has a realy big h@rd on. The general was very mean, so he kicked it. To his suprise the man didn't scream, cry or flinch. " What's ur issue?" The leader screamed. The military man just smiled and said, " U just kicked the guy behind me."

Answer 7

Joke--> "this is a really sick joke"

Answer 8

1) Why can't Jesus eat M&m's? Because he has holes in his hands.
2) What did the Romans say to Jesus when they captured him?
Cross your legs we only have 3 nails.

Answer 9

really sick as in gross, or just kinda bad in alot of people's eyes? how old are you, and email me if you are over 18 and I have a good one!

Answer 10

Q. Why did the girl fall of the swing?

A. Because she had no arms