my girlfriend just admitted her dirty past with her ex. why did she only told me after 2 years??

Question

ive been going wiz her for 2 yrs almost. she always made me believe that she and her ex had only kissed and nothing more. i was ok with that. even if they made love, it wud have been her past and i wud have accepted it. but she lied for 2 yrs. and one day after telling her how much i loved her, she told me that she has been hiding smthing she gonna tell me. and she told me that in fact her was REALLY INTIMATE wiz him.. i mean really. theyy even made love. BUT WHY SHE HAD TO LIE to me???? ahe said she was afraid she loses me. Now i cant trust her anymore anything she says.. so i broke wiz her.. i know i love her like crazy.. but it hurts.. coz relations are based on trust and i cant take the step to trust her again.. do u think im wrong in letting her go? Please people help me... please. im going crazy.thank you.

Answer 1

when the trust is gone not much else is left.
I have been there,

Answer 2

Wow. I guess there are two things to consider here. First, I would say what she did, or what you did, with others before you were together should not really be an issue. Your past experiences made you each into the people you fell in love with. So I would hope that you could both get past feeling like it's a big issue. It's not.

But it sounds like the real issue is the fact she told you a lie. You feel betrayed; you probably feel like you don't really know her now, and wonder what else she will lie about. All I can say is search your own heart. If you really feel like you have been wronged and the relationship has lost its foundation of trust, you may indeed want to move on. I too have had to walk away from someone I loved deeply because I just thought they were not respecting me and I deserved better. There ARE a lot of women out there, after all. But you say you are very much in love with her. In that case, you may want to swallow your pride and try to make it work. People do make mistakes, and maybe she has learned not to do this anymore.

In either case, I would say TALK TO HER and lay it on the line. Be perfectly honest about all your thoughts and feelings, and ask her to do the same. If she blows you off, or you feel the conversation doesn't solve things, then you didn't lose anything, since you are not together now anyway. But maybe, just maybe, you two will get past this and form a deeper and more satisfyinng relationship. It's a test, in a way - trees in a windstorm either keep standing and grow stronger or they break. At least if you try once more you won't have to wonder later on what would have happened if you had.

I don't know this woman at all, of course. But I think I know what you're going through. I hope this helps some. Just listen to your instincts, etc. and the answer will come. Good luck.

PS I was thinking about this some more. The fact that you describe it as "her dirty past" may mean you have hang ups about what she did, not the lie. Is it "dirty" when she does it with you? And if you talk with her, LISTEN as well as speak. Again, it's a big test for both of you, and you'll both learn from it.

I'm probably older than many people here, but I can still count on one hand the number of really deep, magical relationships I've had. Sorry to go on and on but your story has touched me deeply. I've been there.

Answer 3

My friend, there are lots of people like you who wake up one day to discover a story in their relationship which turns things up-side down. First of all, I am sorry for what has happened to you. Secondly, I believe what she has said now ("that I love you so much is the reason I kept you far from the truth for the fear of loosing you") is nothing but CRAP.

When you had trusted her so much(as it seems from what you've written) for the past 2 years, why did she not trust you then? It is likely that she was touched by your love suddenly with something that you did which made her feel special, and thats how she came up with the idea of disclosing the whole thing.

Again, it is likely that she might have revealed the truth out of emotional out burst and might have never thought about revealing it.

However, understand one thing my friend, if a girl can keep secret(and I mean this BIG a secret) for 2 long years and break your trust, she can do the same thing TWICE and so on..

You should be practical in understanding that a relationship always blossoms with trust and honesty. You might be tempted sometime down the line by keeping secrets from her to rebel and seek revenge. Thats where the problem of "Tit for Tat" starts.

Good luck.

Answer 4

Stop being so insecure, that was her ex-boyfriend and it's in the past. You shouldn't let something that happened in the past, affect your current relationship. It's understandable that you're upset, because she kept the truth from you, but maybe now you can understand why she did. She liked you enough not to hurt you, but cared enough to come clean. If the relationship was good and you still love her, you'll talk to her about this. Maybe you both can reconcile. Never ask a question, that you aren't prepared for the answer. You say that if she would've been truthful early in the relationship, that you would've understood. Are you really being honest with yourself? I think if you acted this way now, you probably would've acted this way then. Sometimes when you care about someone, it's hard to imagine them with anybody else. Time to grow up, she's with you now and that's all that matters.

Answer 5

It was actually none of your business to know what she did in past relationships. The same goes for her, you do/did not need to tell her anything about your own past relationships either. The past is done and cannot be changed.

She lied because she is most likely young and immature (this is not a put down). We live and learn. With time you and she will learn better what to do. If you cannot forgive her, then you will loose her.(unless that is what you really want, then that is what will happen.) Forgive and forget is sometimes the only action that can be taken. You do not want to punish her forever.

Answer 6

You shouldn't let her go. She lied becuse she lliked you and wanted you to like her and admire her. Now that she loved you she didn't want any secrets between the both of you. She was feeling really bad that you didn't know about that. I don't think she can't be trused over something like that because it must have been hard for her holding that in all that time. It should be lot more than that for someone to not be trusted.

Answer 7

everyone has a past.. you cant involve that into your relationship- that happened before you 2 began relationship- so breaking up with her was wrong in my opinion- I know it hurts because she didnt tell you untill 2 years later - but as you said she was afraid of losing you- as long as you 2 are honest from this point on in the relatonship everything should be fine- you have no reasons not to trust her- the past is the past.

Answer 8

If you really love her, then forgive her, love is all about pain and forgiveness, you are really hurt coz you love her, two wrongs can ;t make a right!
I know it'll be difficult to trust her again! But don't let her past destroy your future together.
In my opinion she really didn;t want to loose you that's why she lied, but a little mistake can cause a lifetime of regrets, you dealt with her enof.
FORGIVE AND FORGET!

Answer 9

It hurts, you want your girl to be only for you, and perhaps in this case she was shy enough to not be able to tell you.

This might be a good thing. If she came right out - blah blah blah, and I did blah blah blah in the back seat blah blah - then you should be worried. But she didn't...she was somewhat conservative about this whole thing...she must really care for you.

If you can look past this, you may have a great relationship for the future. Good luck!

Answer 10

your right in letting her go because she lied after you where actually letting her tell you the truth ..... if you still love her then ask her to come completly clean about everything to you and after that start again but as friends then if you gain the trust again start a relationship but but with out the past interfearing...... because if it still does then the relationship will fall apart again for the simple fact that her lies are more important then her love to you

Answer 11

if she kept something like that from you at all, that's a sign that she's not for you. it was right for you to let her go because then you wouldn't know if she did it again or not. you need love from a woman who respects you and appreciates you since the beginning of the relationship; only focusing on you as her love interest. don't go crazy, you'll meet someone.