Someone help a girl with a broken heart!!!!!?

Question

l'm 19, my guy was 31, yes l know it was an age gap and l'm not asking for your views on it cos it never bothered us.
My parents would never let me stay the night with him or go on holiday together as they didnt like me seeing him.
they said l had to move out if l carried on seeing him after 8 months of being together.
We still see ewachother on the down low for 2 months, then out of the blue he says he has met someone new and l cant go with him to a family wedding with it less then a week away, a weekend together we had had planned for weeks.
l dont earn enogh to live alone and he made it clear l coludnt stay with him.
l cant work out if he dumped me cos he felt the fling was over or he wanted a "grown up" relationship and l couldnt really give him that, he was my first, either way it still hurts like hell!!!!!!!

just s u all know, l didnt move out of home, thats why we had to meet on the down low

Answer 1

I think that you are better off out of this relationship. Although you say he was your first i think that he is treating you as he would a teenager. You think that he wants a grown up relationship but he has to treat you as a grown up to expect that. He should have discussed any problems that he may have with you first so as you could have tried to resolve them together. Thats what grown ups do. I think you are acting more grown up than he has.

Answer 2

Your very young, and it hurts, I know. This may sound harsh, but get used to it. I'm forty, and it doesn't hurt any less than when I was nineteen. Even going with another guy isn't going to help that much, because of the feelings you hold for this one. The heart simply needs time to grieve. Unless your cold hearted, which I don't think you are. I tried seeing other woman after an emotional breakup, and although the company was good, the feelings for the other were still there. That doesn't mean you should hide from view or anything. Just go hang out with your girlfriends, and other guy friends, and feel like crap for awhile. Time is the only cure I'm afraid. But one thing is for certain, enough time goes by, and you will definitely heal. I've had some serious love interests, and when I fall, I fall hard, but time got me over it...As a matter of fact I'm kinda going though a new one now, so I'm hurting right there with you sweetie. Don't worry about it too much Hun, your young, and there's a new one around the corner...Be well...

Answer 3

Sam

You know that your ex boyfriend does not love you as much as you love him. This has nothing to do with your parents or any other girl. It is simply that he did not see himself with you long term and consequently he did not do anything to make your relationship viable.

If you recall your entire relationship, start to finish, you will see that you consistently gave more than you received and were continually hurt. Not because he is a jerk but purely because he did not feel the way you did.

Your parents do not like him because they see that he is hurting you. they did not set about to sabotage your relationship. They just want you to stop torturing yourself by giving and giving to someone who does not want you.

Your ex is blaming your parents / circumstances because he either
a) feels guilty to have carried on taking from you
b) is avoiding hurting you by admitting that he does not (and feels sure that he will never) love you in the way that you love him.

Fortuanately it is over now and you can stop subjecting yourself to the pain over and over again, every single day. Which is what your relationship is.

You need to see that there is life without him.

There is and luckily for you, at 19 it is only just starting.

Step 1 - Do today
Rent "Bitter Moon" on DVD - you need to watch this film.

Step 2
Get off Yahoo answers and sign up on Match.com for the free 72 hr trial - provided you cancel the subscription before 72 hrs are up, it will not cost you anything.
Set yourself up a completely new email address and give it out to all the men you fancy off Match, who are 23-30, live within 5 miles of your house and are employed.

Get emailing, get flirting - you do not need to necessarily meet anyone, but you will see that there are 100's of men who would treat you well.
Once you believe that and you give your brain the much needed break from obsessing about this man, you will be able to move on.

By the way - you're a fabulous girl and you do not deserve this sh#t -

Also, check out www.cainer.com and if you are a cancerian have a look at the monthly forecast for July.

Answer 4

What a nasty piece of work! He is 31, you are 19, which indicates he doesnt want a grown up relationship at all. Go and find a house share. If you are on a low income, you could get housing benefit.

I know this sounds cliche, but take an evening class where you can meet real grown-ups, learn something new, and give you something to look forward to.

Oh, and do you have a friend you could go on holiday with? Make it your business to live like a 19 year old. Or you could take a job abroad, or take an evening job to earn extra cash.

Answer 5

Listen babe never mind what people say about the age thing, and stop trying to guess why he has moved on and get out there and get yourself another guy, at the end of the day he had his chance with you and was not prepared to wait for you so you are worth lots more than that. You are only 19 and could meet someone else any time, I know it is hard but if it was meant to be he would have waited and not found a new person.........
I wish you all the luck and try to keep smiling as you are worth more.

Answer 6

Dont give him a secont though, difficult as it may be, you can appreciate love untill you have been burnt a few times. Soon you wil met someone much better, and forget that this guy ever existed. Time heals and soon you will be fine!

Parents dont like big age gaps cos they dont want their pride and joy getting hurt, and (annoyingly) they are usually right in a backwards kinda way! You just need to find someone who acts more grown up than this guy, who seems to have the age but not the grownupness (made up word i know) that he should have. Someone who treats ya with the respect ya deserve, age isnt an issue if it feels good at the time... but ya usually find that smaller gaps work better cos your both growing up at the same time!

Cheer up, Ive heard broken hearts can be mended with chocolate?

Answer 7

It sounds to me like you were just as big of a secret to his family as he was to your family. I believe that he felt embarrassed taking you to the wedding and he had second thought about it.

I suspect that part of the problem is also that he was tired of seeing you "on the down low" and he wanted somebody that he could see without sneaking around.

Chalk this up as JAFLE (Just Another F*cking Learning Experience) and don't let it scare you away from love. I know it sounds cliche but time will heal the broken heart. You just need to move on and live your life.

I would suggest that you make a couple of lists to reduce the possibliity of heartbreak for your next relationship. The first list is Qualities that you are looking for in your ideal mate (i.e. Affectionate, tall, honest...) and the second list is things that you will not tolerate in a mate (i.e Abusive, dishonest, dis-loyal....). After you make your first list, Give a 1 - 5 rating on each quality with 1 bieng "preferred, but not a deal breaker" and 5 being "Manditory". Here is a sample list:

MY IDEAL MATE WILL BE:
Honest (5)
Able to communicate openly with me (5)
Taller than I am (3)
Intellegent (4)
Affectionate (4)
Very ticklish (2)
A non-smoker (3)

Once you complete your lists, use them to weed out the best and worst candidates for dating. If somebody has most of the best qualities that you are looking for and has no "will not tolerate qualities", they are safe to date. If there is even one "will not tolerate" quality - it is a painful and failed relationship waiting to happen.

I wish you all the best!

Answer 8

Why you hold on same things, just leave it if your b/f is with some one. You must know that if some one move to other then it is true that he has no interests on you. This is not the true act of love..
The true act of love and relation is very enduring and tolarable in any situation. You say that there is no bother for you with age Gap. But there is a vast difference in age gap. You must leave such type of relation because you are only teen and that guy is matured man. He may have spent good time with you only to have fun. Just leave and try good relation with close age guy. It is good and safe for your mental and body health as well.

You may not know that consequences, but what has happen to you was good for youself. Because it is really odd relation with aged man in the sight of parent and society. So don't be discourage, you will get best partner in coming day.

Answer 9

dun worry too much gal,time is the best medicine.upon some time your wound will heal itself,learn to b strong as this is only a small tiny failure u met.you r just 19 and life's still a long way to go.That means there are still a lot of challenges and unpredictables out there.

think positively about this,it is just a process to grown up and know what u want.u try the cloth before u buy dun u.so mayb this relationship is just a sample testing,u know tht in future this kind of guy is not for u n start looking for other guys.

Answer 10

My girlfriend is 19 and we've been together 2 yrs. I'm quite a bit older than 31, so for me the age difference is irrelevant. Your parents were trying to protect you; it looks like they were right. I'd probably also be suspicious if my daughter dated a much older man. But you will learn from this. Every broken heart gets a little less painful and eventually you won't feel anything. Then your judgement will be clear and you will make better choices.

Answer 11

It's always hard to lose the one we love. I am sorry that it happend that way. He wasn't good of a man in the first place. I hate to say that your parents were right. give it time and it will heal.

now to you, Maybe it's time for you to also grow out of the girl shell and become a woman. I am not sayign you are not, but i'm guessing that you are too dependent on others that you have not started to take your life in your own hands and start depending on your self. Work at it and before long your will realize how much of a woman you have become. i wish you all the best.
Please don't take this in a harsh way. Just a constructive criticism.