She doesn't live with us and I've been with her dad for 8 yrs now but since she's a teen and started living with her mom, I don't feel we are as close as we could be, I have no idea what her mother is saying about us... but that's not the point, Her dad loves her so much and I respect that about him and he's a great father but how can we all get closer? me, dad and daughter? Especially me and her????
2006-07-18 21:55:57 · 14 answers · asked by Blondie27 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Talk to her. Tell her you want to be closer to her. Tell her you understand that she already has a mother, but that you'd like to be a friend. Ask her for ideas to improve your relationship. You could take her shopping, go to museums with her, take her to lunch, etc. , but without talking to her about your feelings, she could misinterpret it as you're trying to replace her mom or that you're trying too hard and that can be off-putting for a teenage girl. Just make yourself a more active presence in her life and let her know that the communication lines are always open.
2006-07-18 22:08:15 · answer #1 · answered by mytreacheryiseternal 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
WOW, I feel your pain. I am recently divorced and my ex has two kids. When we got married, the oldest was 10 years old, a little girl, and I am firmly convinced that girls are the hardest. Moody, hormonal, and at the teen years, just plain nuts. I don't mean that in a bad or sexist way, it's just the truth. She is still torn between you and her mother. Especially if you are a good stepmother and care for her and respect her as a person as well as a stepdaughter. She obviously loves her mother and if you are indeed a good stepmother wants to love you as her dad's wife. However she probably feels that she will betray her mother if she gives into her feelings for you. All I can say is to be consistant in your handling of this child. Be the loving stepmother and wife to her dad, and have boundaries that she must not cross and make consequences for doing so and stick to them. However you must also have rewards for being a good and respectful stepdaughter. Also you and your husband must be a unified front and back eachother in every instance. If you and your husband isagree where she is concerned, she must never see it. Discuss you disagreements in private. That is where I had the biggest problem, my stepdaughter always had someone else to go to for coddling when she didn't like my (our) rules. Mom and Grandma would always side with her rather than supporting me. I never had a chance with this kid. Therefore none of my morals or values ever stuck with her and she was never held responsible for her actions. Good luck to you.
2006-07-18 22:09:20 · answer #2 · answered by rsqur 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was once in the same situation only with my step-dad though. You know what helped us...time, patience and just general concern. DO NOT force yourself into her life. Only come in if she invites you. Be subtle and not pushy..start small like find something like an upcoming engagement that the two of you are in and try to start from there. Shopping for clothes, get manicures, etc. Find out what she likes and play on those...Don't be pushy though..she'll reject you and think that u are tryin to hard and she'll just resent you. My step-dad was very supportive of my basketball endeavors. That is where we bonded the most b/c my mom wasn't as supportive. So I hope that this is helpful to u and your situation.
2006-07-18 22:10:03 · answer #3 · answered by tennchic01 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Usually girls who are 15 years old want absolutely nothing to do with their parents. But, most teenagers really want to know that they are loved no matter how crazy they are acting. It is summertime. Ask your husband what fun thing he can think of to do with his daughter and you. Try to get out of the routine of going to movies or restaurants for meeting together. Do something unusual that sort of requires the sharing of an experience none of you have had before. It is really important to LISTEN at this stage. I had a similar experience and the decision was to go on a 4 day trip to New York City. It was good for all...Maybe you all need something different than that, depending on where you live.
BEST OF LUCK!
2006-07-18 22:09:46 · answer #4 · answered by blockhead 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take her to go see Pirates Of The Caribbean. She's a girl, she's fifteen- the power of Depp and Bloom With conquer.
2006-07-18 22:00:24 · answer #5 · answered by Karmically Screwed 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take her shopping. Or ask her dad what she loves to do and do that with her. You can always go out to eat to her favorite restaurant and ask her questions, try to get to know her. She would probably like it if you seemed interested in what she has to say, i know i would.
2006-07-19 02:38:12 · answer #6 · answered by tabatha1333 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Might have to wait for her to mature in her outlook. That was our experience, my daughter gave my 2nd wife grief when she was a teen. Now that she's in her mid 20s and a bit more mature their fast friends, so to speak. GOOD LUCK
2006-07-18 22:01:19 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should find out what she likes, play with her, talk with her abou school, boys...remember what were you doing in the age of 15... Don't try to buy her love by buying presents but by talking and having fun....
2006-07-18 22:00:48 · answer #8 · answered by Crogirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Little steps, do small nice things for her, listen when she talks, gain acceptance at her pace, don't try to be her Mom just a freind.
2006-07-18 22:00:37 · answer #9 · answered by notfan_football 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
HI I'm about her age but yeah you sound like my dads girlfriend. I dint like her becks she lies 4 my dad and now i hate both of them . Now i only talk to my dads mom and her kids but i just dint like his family coz they like to lie to much.
2006-07-18 22:55:00 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋