What if you were a father without knowing it?

Question

What would you do if you were happily married for several years and one day an ex-girl friend calls you out of the blue to tell you she had a child that was yours and he is now 5.
And she tells you that he needs his father in his life and possible support. Let’s assume that the girl is well-adjusted, and not after a hand out, but wants you to help with the child in a father figure kind of way and yes, you are the father.
Yes, this is for the boys, but girls feel free to add your input. So how would you react?

Answer 1

First of all you must get a DNA test and if it is positive you must tell your wife about this, as she will find out eventually so its best coming from you.
Then support your child to this woman, what she has done is completely out of order not telling you when she was pregnant and I know I am a woman saying this but to shock you out of the blue like this is wrong to you, your family and this child. I wish you all the luck and love possible and hope you and your family come through this time together. I was in a situation similar where the guy i was with at the time his ex showed up with their one year old child he dint kno she was even pregnant and came to his house demanding money an wanting to repair their relationship as you can imagine that was a truly hard time for me as I had to cope with the fact he was a father to this womans child and the fact she was after him for money an relationship luckily we pulled thru it as hard as it was. From my experience the jealousy was the hardest part to deal with as i had no children an knowin she had a child he could have gone to her. I would say the hardest part for him was been torn between me and his ex an the baby, in the end after court proceedings he has part time custody

Answer 2

The first thing to do, of course, is to discuss it openly with your wife. It may be a shock to her and you will have to reassure her a lot that it is she that you love. She will have to accept the fact that you have a son but she will need your love and support to do so.

Listen well to your wife's advice and what she feels is the best thing to do. She is a woman and will be able to relate to the ex and her needs for the child better than you, also it is something she has a right to be involved in.

It would be ideal if you and your wife could entertain the child on a regular basis, so a meeting with your ex, your wife and you would be good. The child will benefit from having an 'uncle-father' and an 'auntie'.

Answer 3

I am in a similar situation at the moment and first you need to have a talk with your wife and tell her if you want to see your boy. This is important because you are going to need her support, especially if he comes to your house has to feel welcome. I wont lie to you but I have a child to my present partner and one on the way and although i love or will love them all it is a bit different with my other child, I see her once a week at the minute and am still getting used to things but it is sort of working. My partner gets upset from time to time as do I because I didn't really want children to two different women but it has happened and I just got on with it. The main point is when I was told, this other woman told me that she did not want anything from me but I had a right to know, I got scared and tried to ignore the situation and took the easy route she gave me. This did not work because at the end of the day I am not that way inclined and it was killing me seeing her and knowing I had a child and was not doing anything to help bring her up, so I did what I did and I am where I am now. Its not easy but for me it was worth potentially losing what I had to do the right thing. I just could not have lived with myself if I walked away. Good luck mate and hope you do the right thing for you and your family.

Answer 4

If i was your wife i would not have a problem with you seeing your child as it happened before you got together also i would want you to be in contact with your child as a child needs both parents in their life. I think that you should be in this child's life as it is important that they do not feel rejected. If you reject this child now then it could affect them for the rest of their life. This child is crying out for his daddy and could you go through the rest of your life never having had the opportunity to say to your child ' I LOVE YOU' . From your question you sound like a nice guy who wants to do the right thing by his child so please don't walk away from them. All the best xx

Answer 5

well that's a tough cookie, firstly you have to get your head around it!!!!! i would ask her two questions, 1 why wasn't you told when she found out she was pregnant, 2, why now?
if the child is truly yours you both have a right to be in each others lives. Be open with your wife tell her before your ex has the chance to. And get a DNA test!!! hope that's helped a wee bit.

Answer 6

i would tell girl that as long as she did not considered that child need father before age of five and he is fine, he will be fine for another 18, altough if she got impregnant before you get married you can tell her that if you would know that she has a problem you could both find right sollution, but as long as she did not inform you, it means she did not consider you as right father for her child.
So it was her choice to handle things, as she did not inform you about it before and did not demand any money for life of kid, and you are now happilt married, and probably have own kids, the judge should be on your site, in case she would put things to court.
but it would be good to consult some lawyer about this.

i think that she realized that it will be hard for her to find boyfriend as she has kid, so he tries the easiest way, as if she really cared about kid, she would tell you when she got pregnant.

Answer 7

This is more common that you think. Well if you are sure this kid is yours as you said. What would you want for this kid? Try to be a father to him. No one can blame you for this because it's not your fault you didn't know. Hopefully, your wife will adjust and accept this kid. I didn't grow up with a father so my reaction would be to be the best father you can to the kid.

Answer 8

The Jewish concept of God is that God is One and Indivisible. we won't be able to divide God up into separate aspects, the place each component to God is UnEqual to all the different aspects, yet by some potential they are one and the comparable. The Hebrew Scriptures describes God as an absolute One, however the Christian's New testomony describes the Christian concept of God as divisible into 3 aspects called a trinity. interior the Christian's New testomony, Jesus at one component claims to have distinctive know-how than different aspects of the Christian Trinity. as an occasion, Matthew 24:36 or Mark 13:32. In yet another verse, Jesus does not have the comparable potential as different aspects of the Christian Trinity, as an occasion, Luke 23:34. And in Matthew 26:40 two, Jesus's will isn't the comparable because of the fact the will of the daddy. certainly, Jesus oftentimes contrasted himself with the daddy, as an occasion, in John 14:28, or Luke 18:19. besides, Jesus supposedly pronounced that the punishment for blaspheming against one component to the Trinity isn't the comparable punishment for blaspheming against yet another component to the Trinity. interior the Hebrew Scriptures, in spite of the shown fact that, God is One, as we examine in Deuteronomy 6:4, besides as in Isaiah 40 4:6, the place God tells us, "i'm the 1st, and that i'm the final; and beside me there is no God." whilst Isaiah tells us that God pronounced, "i'm the 1st," it potential that God has no father. whilst Isaiah tells us that God pronounced, "i'm the final," it potential that God has no literal son. And whilst Isaiah tells us that God pronounced, "besides me there is no God," it potential that God does not proportion being God with the different god, or demi-god, or semi-god, or persons, and there is no trinity.

Answer 9

firstly speak to you wife dont do anything behind her back-this will cause trouble from the start get a dna test done then go from there,dont meet the child untill it's proven his yours,dont get involved thinking he looks like me or one of your family this will only cause distress if his not your's,dont forget to involve your wife if you love and respect her,,good-luck

Answer 10

Shock......maybe a little disbelief!!!......but when it comes down to it, if you sincerely are the father....then now is your time to step up to the plate and try your hardest to be the best father for that little child or yours.........so get to it and best of luck!!!