At what point does "dark & silent" become "shy & lacking confidence"?

Question

I ask this because people often describe me as "shy". But I don't really feel I lack confidence. I'd say reserved, by which I mean I don't usually go up to people I don't know and say "hello", and I'm not at all a fan of "small talk". I don't know why people always interpret this as shyness though, or why, if you're not loud & extroverted something must be wrong with you. By what criteria would you judge a person shy? Or aloof? At what point does being reserved become a social liability?

Answer 1

they are judging you wrong shy is a person that is embarrassed easily aloof is a person that is trying not to give a strait answer to your question and most people do not say hello to a stranger these days you are a deep thinker and not much is surprising to you and you find most conversations are not worth a answer but if you are on a subject that you know about and you find it interesting you will talk and share what you no you find you can figure people out and read them to fast that there is no need to answer them but you have to realize most people are not at your level of thinking and it would not hurt you to answer or put you two bits in ones in a while gust to let them know you are not all they say just tell them that you are a deep thinker and this is who I am

Answer 2

Dark and Silent becomes Shy and Lacking Confidence when it goes beyond reserved and enters the area of only responding to queries; never initiating contact. You don't have to make a big production out of things to not be shy. All you have to do is occasionally participate in conversation. Even if you have no opinions on the current topic, speak up and steer the conversation towards something that does interest you.

Example
Tad: Now that those bonds have matured Tiffany and I are thinking of making an addition to the house. Maybe expand the deck or a pool.

You: Have you considered adding a sex dungeon? It could double as a fall-out shelter when the Apocalypse occurs.

Answer 3

I've had a lot of people assuming the same about me. I'm quiet and introverted, I don't like small talk and I'm quite comfortable with being alone and socializing less than most people. But some people seem to take this as shyness and lack of confidence, which it isn't.

The way I see it, shyness is when someone is scared to go talk to people or do normal things in front of others. You can usually see when someone is shy, they look like they want to disappear when you talk to them and they avoid talking to someone even if they have to and even if they do talk they seem afraid and awkward and say as little as possible etc. It's hard to explain it well, but you get the idea.

I wish people could realize that not everyone is the same and that there are actually people who simply aren't very outgoing and yet aren't shy, they just have different preferences when it comes to socializing and being around people.

Answer 4

You know yourself better than most people, even those who might be close to you coz they only judge from what they see. Most people claim others to be shy when they'd get aloof when someone looks and or talks to them. They stummer when they talk and can't look directly in the eyes. Being reserved is never a social liability unless when other people can't create sufficient communication with you.
It is most probable that the people who say you're shy or that you lack confidence talk too much without getting to know you at all. Or, that these people just want to be closer but can't get through your "barrier".

Answer 5

People are often afraid of awkward silences, so they tend to cast anyone who doesn't gabble on as "shy". I think the point at which someone is shy and lacking confidence, as opposed to just reserved, is when they have the opportunity to interact in a comfortable setting and don't. Eg. a reserved person won't seek others out at a party but they will end up having a good conversation with someone who comes up and introduces themself, but a shy person answers in monosyllables and doesn't open up at all. I'm not a fan of small talk either, but a certain amount is necessary to put people at their ease.

Answer 6

There is nothing wrong with being shy and not making yourself feel uncomfortable in certain situations. Don't be someone you aren't. You will be appreciated for who you are--your own unique self. If you feel confident and people put you down about being or seeming to be shy it is b/c they don't understand you --but that is OK. They just need to accept that you are your own person and that is it. If they are so concerned they would be saying more positive things to make you feel good about yourself instead of interpreting you or labeling you as one thing or another. No matter how you act you will be labeled, so your label sounds just fine to me. Did you watch that movie--Pride and Prejudice--2005. I just fell in love with Mr. Darcy's character (based on the book too) because he was so reserved and confident and smart, but shy. That is a wonderful quality that is so often misunderstood to be something else. You should really watch that movie.

Answer 7

Dark and Silent become shy and lacking confidence when Dark and Silent can't speak up on a date for instance and order a glass of wine for he and his date.

Many people are not a fan of small talk, they prefer deep conversations.

If you can care for yourself, and take charge when you need to, but don't prefer to bother yourself with small talk, you are dark and silent.

If going on a date, ordering food, answering basic questions causes you to break out in a sweat then I'd think you were shy and lacking confidence.

I love aloof men -- why? because at some point they do connect with their partners and let you in a bit, and you know that *you* are the only one they trust to do that, which rocks.

Answer 8

Different cultures have different expectations about how much a person is supposed to speak. In Japanese culture, for example, people who don't speak very much are considered intelligent and respectful. In American culture, people who don't speak much are sometimes considered "shy" or "they have nothing to say" (meaning unintelligent). In Mexico, a person is likely to speak more about something when he/she is interested in it. On the other hand, many Americans criticize people for "running off at the mouth."

What I'm trying to say here is that a person's behavior can be interpreted differently depending on the expectations of the culture he/she is in. Different cultures tolerate different degrees of talkativeness and reticence in different situations.

Answer 9

Stop the narcisistic navel gazing...and GET INVOLVED with LIFE
Live with no excuses LOVE or HATE with wild and riotous abandon...EMOTE..EMOTE EMOTE or DIE ALONE eating dogfood from a can.Oh wait thats me...forget get it..as you were

Answer 10

when you smile...it makes all the difference in the world.