It really freaks me out. I dated this guy 5 years ago when I was in high school. He treated me like crap. I found out last Thanksgiving that he had killed himself. I feel absolutely awful for his family and think about it often and it makes me sick to my stomach. Is it normal for me to be so concerned about it even though we dated 5 years ago? I really hated him after how he treated me, maybe that's why I can't quit thinking about it. I had been hoping I'd run into him someday and tell him off.. now I think I feel guilty. I just want to forget about it.
2006-07-18 17:39:47 · 16 answers · asked by summer_ella_06 2 in Health ➔ Mental Health
PS, I dumped him. And his parents said he was heartbroken. At the time I was happy..
2006-07-18 18:18:50 · update #1
Well you are saying you supposedly feel so bad for his family and it's probably just you really feeling guilty knowing that you hated him because he broke up with you. Just get over the fact that he killed himself and there is nothing you could have done to stop it and I'm sure you won't feel so bad anymore if you really feel bad for the right reasons.
2006-07-18 17:53:02 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If it's praying on your mind, talking to a therapist is the best course of action. You can work through your feelings/background together, and talk about ways to cope/move forward. Personally, I think it's perfectly natural to be upset--you'd probably feel bad in any situation where someone you knew took their own life. If anything, your feelings speak to your caring and sensitive nature. All the best.
---I just have to add, there's a lot of glib answers here along the lines of "aah, forget it." It's still bothering you after nearly a year, so clearly it's not that easy. Acknowledging your feelings and working through them with a professional seems a much better approach; don't let others put you down and dismiss you. Get yourself all the support you need. God bless.
---And I'd also beware of the "professional psychotherapist" below who links you with manic depressives without speaking to you at length or knowing your intimate history. The only advice really possible in a forum like this is "seek therapy."
2006-07-19 00:49:55 · answer #2 · answered by angelicatokyo 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Suicide is said to be the most extreme form of self-criticism.
Most people who commit suicide are not bad enough off/ evil enough, to have even considered doing so!
Often it is an extension of self introversion, and self-absorbtion that is unwarranted.
And, they leave behind serious pain in all of the wonderful people who loved them, and who would have identified the signs, if properly trained to notice them!
You are suffering the identity crisis we all do, when we are traumatized by our own mortality, through such an event.
You should seek out professional counceling from a trusted source, and take solace in the fact that you could not do anything to make any change in the history you have become aware of!
In fact, a lot of what you are feeling is typical of the loving nature you obviously have, that made you remain his abuse victim for 5 years!
I am glad that you are tough enough to finally love yourself! Now you are really ready to be loved by someone who appreciates himself, and you!
2006-07-19 00:56:12 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its ok to feel bad. Its a sad thing when someone commits suicide and its kind of scary when it was someone you knew. Its a good thing you care. Maybe you should find the family and apologize for their loss. That might help you feel like you have released some of your feelings and have made ends with it. You also probably feel guilty that you hated him. Even though he is no longer here, try to forgive him. Mainly for you because unforgiveness is like taking poison to hurt someone else. I hope you feel better. God bless.
2006-07-19 00:46:46 · answer #4 · answered by A* 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's only natural. From my own experience with some one i thought i hated dying and know i can only think of how great he was, and often cry at the thought of him. Just hop that he is in a better place and try to forget the bad and remember that we are all human and he must of been going there a bad time in his life if he killed himslef he couldn't possible have been able to deal with a realationship.
2006-07-19 00:46:15 · answer #5 · answered by F.Duke 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well then forget about it. You have absolutely no reason to feel guilty. You had no idea what he was going through and even if you did, there is really not a whole lot one can do.
It's normal to feel "bad" about the situation, it awful what he did to himself.
Don't worry about it to much, worrying doesn't do any good. Go on with your life and live it to the fullest.
2006-07-19 00:44:52 · answer #6 · answered by afanofnataliewood 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not going to just "forget about it". That is not a healthy thing to do, even if you could!
You are experiencing grief, and it is normal and good to let yourself grieve over the death of a loved one...or someone who was at one time a strong emotional presence in your life!
Let yourself feel these things...take time to just let yourself cry or scream, let out some of your feelings. If you need to...go to an empty field or something and scream. Or beat your pillow if you are angry. Or write down your thoughts...get out how much you feel hurt and hate toward him...even though he is gone now.
When you bottle up these things...they come back to sabotage you later. You might think "I shouldn't feel things things...I'm stupid...I should just forget about it"...but you DO feel these things, and they are valid!
So...allow yourself time to feel. Be good to yourself and work through this. Even talk to a counselor...it would be a wonderful thing for you to do!
2006-07-19 00:53:55 · answer #7 · answered by Thespia_2000 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am professional psychotherapist. This behavior is similar to manic depressives. You need to get out of it and move on. Some people will do anything to feel something. You might not be aware of it but you might be doing it subconsciously. Some people will do things or think of things to make them depressed just so they can feel something. Some people think of sad thinks to get depressed, some people drink, some people do drugs so they can feel something. And when they feel soemthing, they feel alive. But it never works because you're not facing the problem head on. A piece of advice, you need to move on or keep yourself busy. People say that an idle mind is a devils playground and it's true. Keep busy, work, go to school, get a hobby or work out to keep your mind busy. And be around positive people, happy people. Good luck.
2006-07-19 00:50:38 · answer #8 · answered by andre Tannenberger 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your thoughts are not unusual. Part of it is feeling bad because you knew the guy, part is a guilt trip because you "really hated him after how he treated" you and inside you get a feeling that you are somehow responsible. The key here is to remind yourself that you were not responsible for his behavior and are not responsible for his decision to end his life. That was entirely his choice.
If you believe in God, pray for him and go on with your life. The past is history and can not be changed.
2006-07-19 00:51:03 · answer #9 · answered by Seikilos 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are feeling guilty because you hated him. Maybe at one time you wished he was dead? Or because you didn't recognize he was suicidal? It is not your fault. He is the one that took the responsibility of taking his own life. No matter what you thought or felt, you did not cause this.
2006-07-19 00:47:09 · answer #10 · answered by bettyboop 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋