I can't get over practically hating this girl that cheated with my boyfriend 4 years ago. He is now my fiance and I am happier than ever with him and trust him 100 percent now. I found out the other day she is engaged as well and it just upset me to the extreme. Why can't I just not care about her and forget about her? I hate the fact that I still hate her so much!!
Please give advice
2006-07-18 17:39:15 · 7 answers · asked by sissyfyia 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I need to add that I tried the kill them with kindness routine but i wasn't kind to her becasue I wanted her to feel bad. I was kind because I wanted to like her because I had dumped him and knew he was responsible for all the pain. Then she still treated me like a jerk and tried to get with him a year later when I got back with him.
2006-07-18 17:53:17 · update #1
sissyf, I admire your kindness and your spirit, I read your other advise you gave about, the ex gf that want advise from guys and you said forcing things will never work out. any way, Your way of talking to people says a lot about your character, its amazing! So I feel almost obligated to answer this quetion.
I think its great your trying to truly forgive someone who has hurt you to the core, good luck, I've never been cheated on so take this advise with a grain of salt, however I do know emotions. Sound to me like your supresing strong emtions, and trying to ignore them rather than channeling them. supressing your emotions will not cause it to go away, they may backfire on you someday in way you don't understand. example: it may cause you to say small suddle remarks to your future husband, a remark here and their, and before you know it your arguing about silly things that don't make sense, and it will stem from its root, which is this. So I have to ask this question, when you found out about 4 years ago that your boyfriend cheated on you (it takes 2), did you confront the issue or sweep it under the rug? I think you'll get your answer by asking the right question. How did you deal with the emotion 4 yrs ago? Did that aggression ever come out? How do you let out emotion? (I think that will be my next Q&A . lol,) Remeber you can't change what you don't aknowlege. Did you and this girl have previous battles? Does she love him too?
2006-07-18 18:56:24 · answer #1 · answered by Mr. Advise = ) 2 · 6⤊ 0⤋
4 years is a long time to harbor such anger towards someone.
Maybe you are angry at the news of her engagement because it brings up the issue of love and relationship in yours? You are mad because she is engaged(committed) when obviously she had a previous problem with it. Maybe you don't want her fiance to feel all the anger and pain you felt when it happened to you, or maybe, just maybe, you feel that she doesn't deserve to be happy, because she made you miserable?
Either way, what is done is done, you can't go back. People who behave that way usually have some long standing issue with commitment. Perhaps she was burned like you were and decided to not feel that way again? Unfortunately, you were hurt in the process, but it isn't about you, remember that.
You should spend your time being blissfully happy for anyone and everyone who has been fortunate enough to find true happiness with someone.
Good Luck and I wish you all the best.
2006-07-19 02:48:57 · answer #2 · answered by ninamcguinness 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, I think you may be copping out by saying trust with your guy is at 100%. If holding the right person accountable is important to you, then you really need to focus your concern on your fiance. I am not being critical of you here, most of us have all been there...as far as the girl is concerned, you simply have to let that go. An interesting statement that I once heard...
"It's not the snake bite that kills you, it's the venom that continues to flow through your veins."
2006-07-19 01:16:10 · answer #3 · answered by Vanessa w 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What I can never figure out is why a person stays angry at the person his/her mate had an affair with and not the mate. If you can forgive the person that should have never cheated on you and trust him as you do now, then you need to let it go and forgive her, too. He, your boyfriend was just as guilty. No, he was more guilty. He was suppose to love you.
2006-07-19 00:48:13 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is very hard not to hate someone that has hurt your relationship the way that she has. I understand and can relate well to you. Just try to keep the past in the past, as hard as that is!!!!! Good luck and remember that he is with you and wants to marry you!!
2006-07-19 00:44:53 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
when u get married then move! move far away from her and don't come back unless for holidays with yer parents if they are down there...forget about her!!!................or if this isn't doin any good then kick her a**! lol
2006-07-19 01:30:32 · answer #6 · answered by kkk09 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hmmm tough one.
http://wedding---speech.blogspot.com
2006-07-19 02:56:56 · answer #7 · answered by Mr.M 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋