please help me with my sad little 7 year old girl?

Question

I am devorced 3 years now. That didn't seem to effect them. Their dad was never home. But he has moved out of state at a weeks notice and now she is having issues going anywhere without me. even grandmas where she loves to go. She said shes afraid Im not doing to come pick her up. what can i do. She feels very loved. What is the issue. Im so sad for her, please give me some ideas

Answer 1

Your daughter is lucky to have such a compassionate and concerned mom. It sounds like your daughter is suffering from separation anxiety. While it might be related to her dad moving, it might also just be a phase in her development. Around this time, children start seeing themselves as separate beings...not attached to mom or dad. This can be scary and make them cling to mom. The best thing you can do for her is to assure her that she is the most important thing in your life. Be with her as much as you can. Read, make cookies, eat popcorn and watch movies together. When you have to be apart, let her know how to reach you. You might want to get her a kid's wrist watch that has an alarm. Set it for thirty minutes before you are going to pick her up. Explain that when the buzzer goes off, it will be just a short time before you arrive. To you and me, time flies, but to an anxious kid, a few hours can seem like an eternity. If this continues or you have other concerns, I'd recommend calling her pediatrician. They can check her to make sure something else isn't going on and can give you even more suggestions. I'm proud of the good mom you are.

Answer 2

This is a very important time in your daughter's life. She knows her dad has moved away and fears that you will leave her too. Talk to her OFTEN, tell her how much both you and her dad love her. If her dad is willing, have him talk with her on the phone and let her write letters (and do drawings) to send to him. Maybe you could let her jot down the important things she did each day in a letter to dad and then mail it at the end of each week.
I would not force her go to her Grandma's or anywhere ALONE for the moment. Go with her to Grandma's house. Give it a couple of weeks.. Explain to her that LOTS of children have Moms and Dads who live in different states. Tell her you understand how she feels and that her feelings are OKAY and normal. There are actually great children's books available at your library. Great stories that may help her to learn on her own age level. Stories of divorce, written on a CHILD'S level with happy endings.
MOST importantly tell her that YOU are not going anywhere and that Daddy still loves her very much. Try not to say bad things about her dad where she can hear it. Just tell her that the divorce and dad moving has nothing to do with how much you BOTH love her!
She will adjust and it seems like you care VERY much.. She will pick up on that.. I think she's lucky to have a mom who cares so much!
Good luck!!

Answer 3

She feels abandoned by her father. Deep down, she feels that she has caused it. Children tends to blame themselves for the divorces, even though they're not. Now that he had suddenly moved away, she's frightened that you will abruptly do the same, especially if she's not vigilant enough to be with you, hence the reason why she doesn't want to go to Grandma's. Keep reassuring her that you will never do that to her. Perhaps there's a way that she can keep in touch with her father, a phone call, letter, e-mail, etc. If he's not interested in maintain contact, then you need to focus on her and keep reassuring that you won't leave, but make her go on as usual. Tell her that dad didn't leave because of her. She was not the reason for it at all. Good luck, dear.

Answer 4

It's completely normal for your daughter to have separation anxiety over this. Before the divorce, even though your husband would be gone, she knew he was eventually coming home. Now she knows he's not.

I would suggest that whenever you will be separated from her (whether at granma's, the babysitter, etc), you call her several times to let her know that you're thinking of her and approximately how long it will be until you return. Do this frequently at first and then taper off. Also make sure she has plently of things to occupy her time when she is away from you.

By the time school starts, she should feel much less anxiety and stress about separating from you. Good luck and I wish you all the best.

Answer 5

Sounds like seperation anxiety.
I think she is worried that Mummy is going to go away just like Daddy did.
When you drop her off at grandma's go with her and stay awhile to visit. Then when you leave tell her that you will be back at xx:xx this time to pick her up. Call at least once while you are gone and remind her that you will come get her at xx:xx time.
This might help ease her mind and build the trust that mommy IS coming to get her.
Her dad leaving is what is bothering her Im sure. I think that in some ways she thinks that her dad left , so will her mum. Insecure feeling. But I think that if you call her often during the day and remind her you will be coming to get her she will ease up and feel better about it.

Answer 6

All kids go through seperation anxiety at one time or another. It is normal for her to feel this way. You need to take baby steps first. When you leave her with Grandma, the first few times only leave her for about 20-30 minutes at a time. Let her know you will be right back, and ALWAYS be on time when you pick her up. Then gradually leave her longer. She has to build the trust with you. Look into her world and you will better understand why she feels this way. If he moved away, she thinks you will leave next. Always reasure her.

Answer 7

Her dad has suddenly put a lot of distance between them and is more "gone" than ever. She is very scared of the possibility of you suddenly disappearing as well. One of the worst fears children have is of being abandoned. All I can say is to keep on reassuring her that you will never leave her and try to be with her especially in situations where she is really stressed. Give lots of hugs and affection. It might take some time, but she will gradually feel more confident to be on her own.

Answer 8

Studies have shown that children of divorce don't get better over time, but worse. Maybe her mind is just now able to wrap around the fact that half of her has been ripped away, and isn't going to come back!
I think you ought to keep her with you until she realizes that you aren't going to leave her, too.
Sad, I'm also a child of divorced parents and I am still battling issues that I have because of it!

Much Love!!

Answer 9

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Answer 10

Both of my daughters did this very same thing at that very age. My oldest would actually get sick to her stomach because of being seperated from me. They both grew out of it. I hope your daughter does also, it sounds like a normal phase. Give her all your love you can and do things with her when you are together that help her feel secure and happy. Games, park, beach, sing songs, stories, go for nature walk, bicycle rides, hit golf balls around your back yard (my family favorite) and talk, share funny made up stories, and hug lots.