uptight mom?

Question

well..i am 15 and sexually active...i want to just tell my mom, but i cant she would absolutely flip...i kno im too young but thats no ones choice but mine, im also on birth control, and she does NOT know..i only have sex with ONE person and hes my fiance, hes also been tested for STDs so im not worried about that...my mom isnt an uptight person, only when it comes down to me and sex...our whole sex talk was this "do it and ill kill you" she needs to just wake up, im pretty sure shes aware bc my bf is 20 (yes she knows he;s 20 ,but she knows he respects me and loves me) dont judge on the age because 30 years ago it was typical and hes NOT a child molester..im very mature in ever aspect for my age...but how should i go about telling her i DO have sex

as far as you Jerks out there downing my fiance...screw you! he is NOT a rapist, because u CANNOT RAPE the willing, i asked for advice, not comments from the peanut gallery

Answer 1

Well, you seem to have all the answers yourself, I'm not sure why you're opening this up for the crowd. I'll ask you something - do you remember when you were 10? And all the things that you thought were so cool back then? Well, when you get to 20 you'll look back at 15 like you are now loking back at 10.

If you think that you can make any choice you want, and that 30 years ago these things were typical, you have no clue about...well, anything. 30 years ago it was a crime for a 20-year-old to have sex with a 15-year-old. You should try to figure out why that was (and is) the case.

Funny thing is, you know how wrong you are, but you're hoping for someone to tell you you're right. Only someone lacking life experience to the level you are could ever agree with you.

Keep looking. One day you won't need others to tell you how ridiculous you're being...

Answer 2

In your own words you said that you know that you are too young-so why are you having sex? Besides that, if you are mature enough to make your own choices ("thats no ones choice but mine") then you need to be mature to live up to the consequences of those choices. If you have sex at the ripe old age of 15 then you need to tell your mother, because not only is she emotionally responsible for you still, she is also legally responsible for you also. As for the age difference in you and your fiance, I have no problem with the age difference. The biggest age difference I've ever had in dating was when I was 18 I dated a man that was 36. I can tell you that I was much more mature than he was and probably still am, however your argument stating that 30 years ago it was typical doesn't work. Thirty years ago it was also considered "typical" for police to look the other way when husbands beat their wives. Look for the right reasons to do something and then when you've made your decisions and choices live with the consequences. As you get older, you realize that you don't have to justify your actions to anyone, but you are the one that has to live with the results.

Answer 3

Well the fact is your still 15 and yes that is young to be sexually active, but it seems as if you are doing things appropriately. I don't really think the issue here is your relationship or the fact that your having sex. It is your relationship with your mom, it sounds more or less that you are trying to prove something in your statement, such as this is love and yes you are getting married. Realize that this is not what your mother is going to hear. Take a good look at what the other people are saying and don't knock it so much, because that is exactly what your mother is going to think and say. So take a good hard look at what is going on, and most of all be honest with your mother. Ultimately she loves you and wants what is best for you. So be prepared for screaming, crying, and probably house arrest for a while. However the best thing you can do is be honest, and let her know that you realize this isn't the ideal situation, but because you love her and want her to be a part of your life you needed to tell her, knowing it isn't what she wants to hear. I am a mother of 3 girls and my biggest fear is that they wouldn't confide in me, if they were ever in this type of a situation. Give your mother the benefit of the doubt, and trust in your instincts. If this man truly loves you, he will respect not only you, but your family.

Answer 4

asa mother i can tell you she wont kill u she is just worried .you are very young ,the sex is not the problem but if you fall preg thats a problem your only a child.how can he be ur fiance at such a young age?have u thought he might have said he wants to marry you to get you in bed in the first place.but to answer your question ,tell ur mom but remember if ur old enough to have sex with an older man then ur old enough to suffer the consequences specially if ur mom calls the police and has him charged for rape or for having sex with a minor cause i know if my daughter ever got involved with a guy older than her i surelly would.but thats not the worst what if u fall preg ur life will end there will be no more partys ,going out,and there is the chance he will run from commitment,adn all your friends i can tell you they will not have the same relationship with u once thre is a baby involved .
think the way your mother would think if you were her and your daughter was having sex with an older guy what would you do?
if u were u i would stop the sex for at least a couple of years you can always do other stuff oral ,and masterbation you dont have to have intercourse...then you can see if he stiks around and your mum wont worry as much specially if you tell her your not having sex but that way she can see if he trully loves you ...and if he dont if he is using u for the sex only you will find out specially if he keeps asking for it and making u feel guilty.he is older than you he should know beter.think about it .

Answer 5

Ok..So, being 15 and being sexually active to me is not a big deal, when I was 15 I was sexually active as well.. I never really told my mom about it because I felt, it was my body and my personal life and that there really wasn't any need for it.. But honestly if you feel like you want to tell your mom, do it, because if you don't you'll mentally go insane if you want to tell her so badly.. As for having a fiance, I'm 20..I have a fiance, but it just happend a few months ago.. You should really be careful on that part, because marriage isn't something just for fun ya know? Im NOT telling you what to do..But if it were me, before I even thought about marriage specially at 15 yo I would want to be with that person a few years ya know?.. When I was 15 I thought I was completely mature, and I was for my age..But you will not believe the difference between 15 and 18 you change sooo much..So all I am saying is be careful..and about your mom, tell her if you feel as if you really want to, but be careful for the outcome, because parents feel as if 15 year olds are childs.(thats a parent for ya..) So just be careful and good luck with everything!!

Answer 6

Hun. I am sorry to be harsh. I am not going to call your boyfriend a child molester or anything. But you are taking in the world a bit to fast. Yes 30 years ago having a 20 year old fiance was normal. But then people started realizing, 15 is young! you are still a child! I am 18, and i am dating a 20 year old myself. And i could never see him with someone who may not even be in high school yet. Don't get me wrong. You sound intelligent, you seem like you know what you are speaking about and doing, and you should be proud to support your opinions. But i think your mother has every right to be uptight about this relationship. In her view it may seem dangerous, so respect that. Good luck with everything.

-Ad

Answer 7

Ok now for the comment of you cant rape the willing yes you can in the eyes of the law its called statory rape. And if someone finds out about it and wants to press charges he can go to jail. Anyways i think that if you are having sex at 15 (which i was too) you are being smart about it by being on the bc pill which is much smarter than i was. I can say that if you dont want to tell your mom dont i wouldnt if it will only make the situation worse especailly if she was that person who would press charges on him cause she can very well do it. But i think if you are being smart who cares have fun and dont ever let him talk you into something you dont want to do. Dont tell those who will hurt you or your situation but i will just warn you if it starts to turn sour run dont walk the other way. Trust me it will be better that way and keep being safe i know you dont want a baby at 15 trust me babys at 19 wasnt that great for me.

Answer 8

You are engaged at 15? And sexually active? Oh boy. At least it appears that you are using common sense in birth-control. As far as telling your Mother you are sexually active, that's your call. Why are you feeling this over-whelming desire to tell her? Guilt perhaps? Or is it more to punish her for something? Think long and hard before you have that talk with her. That is an issue that will not go away after you let it out of the bag. And remember, even with your consent, you are still a minor and she could have him arrested. Really think about this.

Answer 9

What is the real purpose for wanting to tell your mom? I don't know of any way to tell her that will make her "happy". Obviously you already are aware of why she has said to not have sex. I am also certain you know that she makes sense. However, on the other hand you have a "hot" boyfriend that you want to enjoy and you are at that age that you are making personal decisions because you are becoming a woman.

I don't know of any way to tell her the news other than when you do realize that she will definitely need some time to adjust to it and I hope you are patient with her about that. You both need each other.

Answer 10

Does she have to know you're having sex? What is that going to resolve? You're a little too young to be having sex in my opinion but it's not uncommon for a 15 year old to have sex of course. If you know that it bothers her then I wouldn't confess until you're 18 years old. No matter how she will react, you will do as you please. Plus, she knows you're dating a 20 year old, and if she's smart, she should have some suspicion that you are having sex...she's just in denial. Your confession will probably make her flip out and may confine you to your room until you are an adult.

Personally, as a mom myself, I would make birth control accessible to my children when they are teens not because I condone it but it is a preventive measure against STD and pregnancy in case they decide to do it.

Your mom will just have to trust you to make the right decision. You do sound like a mature teenager. Good luck!