How can i deal with sadness?

Question

I'm 27. My father was NEVER in my life. The only parent I have is my mom, yesterday she was diagnosed with a terminal disease and has been in a hospital for a little over a month. I know coping is a slow process. i also know nothing will take away my pain of losing my mother. I get mad and wish it was my father instead. I am distaught and feel empty. I DO NOT expect my sadness to simply go away. I will be sad for the rest of my life over having lost my mom when she was only 50. I always thought she'd atleast live to 60-something. i need to know how to stay a little happy or atleast less distraught. how can i make my coping a little easier? i believe in after life, but the fact her life on earth might be over soon is hard to deal with. i know that i have to accept it. i know pain in your heart is one of the inevitable things that happen to you. i am going to make the most of ther time she has left with me. its crazy, i miss her allready and she is still here on earth.

Answer 1

I am sorry to hear about your mothers illness. The only way to deal with the sadness is to accept it day to day. you can not really prepare for how you will feel or how you will react, you just need to accept it. I know it is easier said than done but what else can you do? you could go into a major depression, you could scream, you could go around breaking things but that is not going to benifit you. Is your mother suffering with this disease? if so atleast you know when god takes her home she wont be suffering anymore, and i bet that will feel a little better to know. nothing will ever take away that ache you will have in your heart to have her back with you but you need to remember she will always be with you but it is just her turn to go as it will be all of ours some day. I just recently delivered a stillborn baby, and how sad it was to hold the little girl I will never see grow. but you know I feel her with me every day. You and your mother should discuss things, like whenever you are taken away try to send a sign if it is possible, or come see me... you know just something to give you some faith and know that she is always with you. even plan out something she could say that only you and her both know and than go to a psychic and see if they tell you what you and your mother discussed. Like you said make the best of the time that she has here, and have no regrets. This is your mother and it is going to hurt no matter what you try to do, but don't let this destroy who you are. you still need to live your life no matter what because death is one of lifes cruel, yet natural occurances. Please keep your head up and i hope you can find the strength from within when you need it most. You and your mother will be in my prayers. Take care of yourself. and once again I am so sorry to hear.

Answer 2

Bless you. No one can tell you anything you don't know but perhaps it will help to read things you already know.

There is no magic, but time will dull your pain. Though never quite as much as you would like.

For now, whatever makes you laugh, or your mom laugh, or the two of you laugh, do that.

It's a small thing, but recognize that it is a gift for parents and children to die in order. Be thankful that your mom will never have to endure your own death.

Lean on your friends. Reach out to people. And not just on the internet. You need flesh and blood people.

See a counselor, but do your research first. You want someone you feel has the capacity to understand you. And if at all possible you want to get the right person on the first try. The nice thing about a counselor is that you cannot hurt them. Plus, they keep an eye on you and have a better sense than most people of how long different stages of grief last. If you're in a downward spiral for too long they can make suggestions.

Put aside thoughts of your father for now, unless you want to talk with your mom about him. You need less controversial people in your life--and in your mind-- right now.

Carry on with as much of life as possible. Get lots of sunshine and exercise. Stay busy.

Rely on hospice workers at the appropriate time.

Answer 3

Many people have lost loved ones at early stages in their lives and will continue to do so unfortunately.
My number one piece of advice is to try to make the best of what you have left with your Mother. Focus on her and if she is able to get out for a day maybe try spending a little Mother/Daughter time with just the 2 of you. Life has a way of throwing us some serious curveballs over time and it is how we deal with them that makes us stronger!
Rather than focus your energies on the future perhaps you could also spend sometime to remember the good things the two of you have gone through.
I hate to sound cliche but the stronger that you are the stronger she will remain in turn. People surrounded by positivity will keep up the fight rather than those who face nothing but negativity!
I know you mentioned elsewhere in "Answers" about not having a boyfriend. If you REALLY feel READY to have someone in your life right now try www.plentyoffish.com its a free dating site where you don't have to spend a dime!
Good luck and I wish you all the best in the future!

Answer 4

First, I want to say I am sorry about your Mom. Life is not
fair and situations can make one feel deep sadness. If your Mother only has a short time to live, you have what ever time is left to let her know how much you love and appreciate her. Later, you will have no regrets. As you know, people die suddenly every day and their loved ones had no time to say "goodbye". Just know that the most acute sadness you will feel will fade with time...eventually, you will be left with happy memories of the person that will always stay a part of you. How do I know? I've been there.

Answer 5

Honey, one of the things that eases the sting of sadness, especially over the parting of a loved one, is time. It is easier said than done, but moving on in your life is the best thing to do. You are an extension of your mom and she will live on in you. Would she want you to live sad and depressed? or would she want you to thrive and prosper, make her proud and enjoy the life she cultivated. You will still feel a void, losing a mother has got to be an awful, awful feeling, but the time you have left is to be cherished, even though she may be in pain.
The bitterness with your father, again easier said than done--let it go. The only one who suffers from bitterness is you. He is still out living his life whether you are bitter or not--let it go. Don't let bitterness turn into self-anguish, again you are robbing yourself of the quality of life...good luck!
P.S. Talk to God--He's listening.

Answer 6

The best advice I can give you is to stick with your close friends and family. They will take care of you. In the meantime, be with your mother as much as you could. I'm very, very sorry about your situation and I want you to know that I, along with alot of other people on this website that read this, will pray for you and your mother. God bless you.

Answer 7

As you said, just spend your remaining days with her by doing special things and making memories. I admit, I've never experienced this before and have tried my hardest to place myself in your position.

Comfort yourself that even when she leaves this world, she will always be with you in your heart and memories. It may sound weak, but it really does count when you keep those close to you in your thoughts.

You've acknowledged that you will feel sadness and sorrow when she's gone and realize it will be a tough road when moving on. In my opinion, that's the first step to moving on is to acknowlede that and come to that conclusion. Just be strong and always remember who you are, and keep the ones you love in your heart as you move on in life.

Answer 8

I had a friend and her mama died of cancer in 2005 and so I always tried to make her happy by telling her many jokes and trying to keep her spirit up and I think the same for you that you need your friend to stay close to you and keep your spirit up.
I hope that your mama will be cured and so I will pray for her.