i caught my 11 year old girl having sex?

Question

i know its not right but she's is not the "angel" 11 year old i try my best to cut down on mtv bet and other programs that encourages sex.basically no cable anymore. she doesnt see me do it . . i dont know. i really feel like giving up on her. how can i help this girl. anyone talking to her goes one ear out the other.i tried beating her but she go back after a month

Answer 1

You are not alone out there. I just found out that my 13 year old daughter was sexually active and I was traumatized. What I suggest you to do is sit down with her and explain to her that she should want more out of life. Ask her what she plans on doing with her life... such as college, career.... also explain to her that there are alot of sexually transmitted diseases out there as well as teenage pregnancy. Talk to her... let her know that you love and care about her. Also that you want to make sure that her future isn't a struggle. There is always going to be peer pressure and influences out there. Let her know that she can come to you about anything and promise her that you will listen and not argue. I know that you properly want to kill her or punish her for life. But this does not work. Teens are always crying out for attention. If you show the attention then alot of your problems will disappear. Pray for her .... pray together.... work this out as a family. I am a single parent and its hard.... but try to stay strong!

Answer 2

Well... it seems to me that she understood the adult's world a little too early.

First of all, let's calm down and look at the background of the problem itself.

Why did she did it? I mean, was she tricked by her male friends? Maybe her bad friends influenced her to do it?

I know this sounds strange, but scolding her is not the way out of this matter. When her point of view is set, nothing can change her out of her own mindset.

Blocking the suggestive media (such as MTV) doesn't always solve the problem. Though.... did you block it after you caught her or before you caught her?

Your daughter is.... well... special... because she's WAY more mature than any other girls her age. That's why, you have to handle her specially too. You cannot scold her the same way you scold her when she stole or recieved a bad mark at tests. And furthermore, you cannot beat an 11 years old. A girl, at that. Violence will only perpetuate violence. From what I heard, I can see that her rebellious phase came too soon. Be careful because that means if you scold her, she would do the exact opposite of what you told her not to. (it's a pride thing, can't really exactly explain)

The worst part of this problem is that it's a habit. (because you said she go back after a month).

First of all, my advice is DON'T GIVE UP ON HER. Please, whatever you do that's the least thing that she hope you to do. It's also possible that she did this to attract your attention. Maybe, (just maybe) because she couldn't get your affection, she tried to find it in her male friend's embrace. Being rebellious is all about gaining attention from others.

The reason why she wouldn't listen to people talking to her is because she'd already known what they would say. They would say that what she did was wrong, for whatever reason only heaven knows. I'm sure that SHE HAD ALREADY KNOWN THAT WHAT SHE DID IS WRONG. She doesn't need people buzzing around telling her something she'd already known.

My advice is... stop making her feel like she has killed someone. Try going slow with her. Give her more attention, try to spend more time with her. At least when you're spending time with her, she's not somewhere else having sex with anyone.

Answer 3

If you are "beating " her, it's no wonder she won't listen and is seeking out attention elsewhere in other fashion..Sorry it's harsh but still my feeling. To tame a wild horse who's been around the bend and back too many times, you treat her with kind or she'll simply kick... Seems to be that "kind" attention to her for now just might have the sex as a bargaining chip.
She's already sexually active so fighting her won't help. In fact, like I noted above, it'll make matters worse. Instead maybe you should discuss sex openly with her and provide her with a good ear and information. Be her friend. Advise her to use protection...better yet, go buy her some and just hand it over to her without harsh lectures. ...to lead the horse to water, you need to provide a trough.

Answer 4

If you're doing everything you should as a parent don't blame yourself.

If it were me, at least for now..I would take away the phone, TV and all of her freedom. Give her a set bedtime, and make her do chores around the house in order to earn l TV time and phone time.
However, be sure to set limits on how long she can be on the phone and with whom, and the same with TV.


I would get her into counseling and find out why she has a need to have sex, while she is basically still a baby. My guess is that she is being influenced by people or friends she knows, and she is trying to fit in by doing what they do.

If you are not able to get her under control even with getting her into counseling and setting strict limits at home, you may need to file for a 'PINS' petition through Family Court.

Good Luck...I know you have your hands full.

Answer 5

Dont hit her the best is to talk with her and find out why she is behaving like this she is probably doing this as a cry for attention. I would advise going to a counselor with her to sort out the issues and until then i would definatly go and try and get her on birth control and le the people talk to her baout std's and pregnancy im sure if you told them the situation they would be more than happy to help you out

Answer 6

She definately needs to be taught of the dangers of being sexually active. I'm not talking watching 'The Movie' either. I mean try to find a couple that had a kid when they were young and it was on accident and have THEM talk to her personally.

There may be some sort of single mother clinics or something in your area as well, you could try there.

~Matthew

Answer 7

Wow that is really bad have you ever had THE TALK... with her? maybe she doesnt understand what the consequences are about having sex i mean she could get sick from someone else they might have aids or they might have stankness or something or she could get pregnant and have an abortion or something and think of all that pain!

Answer 8

Man dont beat her; get a counsellor or go to the library and get some DVD or video rentals and scare her with all the STDS and unwanted pregnancies on them! Good Luck !!!!

Answer 9

Beat her a** intill she stops You have to break her from things like that I mean You dont really want your daughter to have a baby at this age or even bring a baby into this world. Look at it now. So if you have to discipline her everyday allday everyday to get her to stop then beat her tail.

Answer 10

first off why is there boys in the house or anywhere she is .. she's 11 ...i would for sure lock her up in the house NO TV, FRIENDS, COMPUTER, PHONE , ETC .. have neighbors keep an eye out on her ,, second birth control and if you know anyone who has babies i would let her watch a smaller baby i know this changes alot of girls minds about sex.. and a even bigger one THERAPY (SPELLING) ... GOOD LUCK ..