Think you have the funniest joke? try to beat this.?

Question

Three men lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told them that they could live if they passed a trial. The first step of the trial was to enter the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So, all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.
The first one came back and said, “I brought ten apples.” The king then explained, “Next, you have to shove the fruits up your butt without so much as an expression on your face, or you’ll be eaten.” The first apple went in, but on the second he winced in pain, and was killed.

The second one arrived, and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy.

1…2…3…7…8…and on the ninth berry, he burst out in laughter, and was killed.

The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, “Why did you laugh? You almost got away with it!”

The second one replied, “I couldn’t help it, I saw the third guy coming with 10 pineapples.”

well, so far the chinese one is ok but predictable, the science class one is interesting but the ending is a bit boring, the holy water is short, kind too simple, and the king arthur one is pretty complicate. what do other people think? throw more jokes out.

Answer 1

your joke is kinda old, i've heard many many variations of it

A young couple was golfing one day on a very exclusive course
lined with million-dollar houses. On the third tee, the wife
sliced her shot right through the large front window of the
biggest house along the course. They walked up, knocked on the
door and heard a voice say, "Come on in."

When they opened the door, they saw glass everywhere and a
broken bottle lying on the floor. A man on the couch said, "Are
you the people who broke my window?"

The husband began to apologize, but the man cut him off,
"Actually, I want to thank you, I'm a genie who was trapped in
that bottle, and your wayward shot released me. I'm allowed to
grant three wishes, so what I'd like to do is give each of you
one wish, and I'll keep last one for myself."

"Fantastic!" said the husband. "I want a million dollars a year
for the rest of my life." "No problem," said the genie, "it's
the least I can do."

"I want a house in every country in the world," said the wife.
"Consider it done," said the genie, "and now for my wish.
Because I've been trapped in that bottle, for a really long time.
My wish is to sleep with your wife."

The husband looked over at his wife and said, "Well, we did get
a lot of money and all those houses...If you don't mind honey, I
don't either." The wife agreed.

The genie took her upstairs and ravished her for 3 hours. After
he was through, the genie looked at the wife and asked, "How old
is you husband, anyway?"

"Twenty-five," said the wife.

"And he still believes in genies?"



check ya later ♥

Answer 2

That was funny, and even though some people are saying that it is an old joke, it was NEW to me, lol. Well, I try to top that with this....3 old women who were sisters all shared a house together. One day the youngest sister went to take a bath and stepped into the water, she turned around to get something and when she turned back she couldn't remember whether she was getting in or getting out. She called for the middle sister to help her, and the middle sister said I'm coming! Hallway up the steps she paused for a moment to catch her breath, and then she couldn't remember WHY she was even going upstairs. She called for her oldest sister to ask her if she knew, and the oldest sister said, "you were going upstairs to help Violet, remember"? "Oh, yeah, now I remember", the middle sister replied, as she continued up the steps. The oldest sister just sat at the kitchen table thinking to herself, wow, I'm glad I'm not as messed up as those two, and she knocked on wood. She then got up and headed towards the door, wondering who on earth could be knocking at this time of night! :)

Answer 3

King Arthur was worried about leaving Queen Guinevere alone with all those horny Knights of the Round Table, so he went to Merlin for advice. After explaining his predicament to Merlin, the wizard looked thoughtful and said that he'd see if he could come up with something and asked him to come back in a week.

A week later, King Arthur was back in Merlin's laboratory, where the good wizard was showing him his latest invention. It was a chastity belt, except that it had a rather large hole in the most obvious place.

"This is no good, Merlin!" the king exclaimed. "Look at this opening. How is this supposed to protect m'lady, the queen?"

"Ah, sire, just observe," said Merlin as he searched his cluttered workbench until he found what he was looking for. He then selected his most worn-out wand, one that he was going to discard anyway. He then inserted it in the gaping aperture of the chastity belt whereupon a small guillotine blade came down and cut it neatly in two.

"Merlin, you are a genius!" said the grateful monarch. "Now I can leave, knowing that my queen is fully protected."

After putting Guinevere in the device, King Arthur set upon his quest. Several years passed until he returned to Camelot. Immediately, he assembled all his knights in the courtyard and had them drop their trousers for an informal 'short arm' inspection. Sure enough! Each and every one of them was either amputated or damaged in some way. All of them, that is, except Sir Galahad.

"Sir Galahad," exclaimed King Arthur. "The one and only true knight! Only you among all the nobles have been true to me. What is it in my power to grant you? Name it and it is yours!"

Sir Galahad wanted to respond, but he was speechless.

Answer 4

A new arrival to Hell is met by Satan who says, Welcome to Hell, you will now choose your eternal damnation." The new arrivee is confused so Satan explains. "You will choose one of those three doors to go through, once in you will spend eternity there."
Each door has a small window so the new comer can look in and maybe catch a glimpse of what is to come.
In the first room he sees people being tortured on the rack being stretched by one demon and screaming in agony while another demon is flailing away at their tortured body with a long whip.
He looks in the next room and the people in there are being burned at the staked only their body is never consumed by the fire which is being fueled by a demon whose throwing gasoline on the flames.
In the third room he sees people' s heads that appear to be floating on top of an endless sea of soupy diarrhea doo.
He thinks well of the three I think I can handle this one the best. So he opens the door and goes in. He is instantly up to his neck in filthy, stinky, diarrhea doo, and he has to stand on his tip-toes so it won't get in his mouth.
The stench is almost unbearable but after a few minutes he starts to get used to it. Just when he thinks to himself, okay, I can handle this, a demon appears on a ledge above everyone and shouts:
"Okay, break's over back on your heads you Mutts!"

Answer 5

i think i can beat it.

once there was 3 holy men and they all came 2 the church and the 1st 1 came to the priest n said father i have comitted a sin i started 2 smoke. the priest said drink some holy water.

the 2nd 1 said father i punched my wife. the priest then said 4 a 2nd time drink some holy water.

then the 3rd 1 walked up n said father i went pee in the holy water.

Answer 6

Sixth Grade Science
Sixth grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, "Which human body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?"

No one answered until little Molly stood up angrily, and said,
"You should not be asking sixth graders a question like that!
I'm going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, and you'll get fired!" She sat back down.

Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again. "Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?"

Little Molly's mouth fell open, and she said to those around her,
"Boy, is she gonna be in big trouble!"

The teacher continued to ignore Molly and asked the class, "Anybody?"

Finally, Jimmy stood up, looked around nervously, and said,
"The body part that increases to 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye."

Mrs. Parks said, "Very good, Jimmy."
Then she turned to Molly and continued,
"As for you, young lady, I have three things to say:
First, you have a dirty mind.
Second, you didn't read your homework.
And third, one day you are going to be VERY, VERY disappointed!!!"

Answer 7

Three me are captured by a jungle tribe and taken to the chife.
the chife tels the men they have two choices death or rompus
the first of the men say , i dont know what rompus is but it must be better than death
I ll take rompus he says
Rompus the chife cries and the man is tied to a stump an corn holed by 50 tribes men
the second guy figures well now i know what rompus is but they must be exhasted by now
I"ll take rompus he says
Rompus cries the chife and the man is tied to a stump and corn holed by 50 new natives
the tird guy thinks to him self if i chose rompus ill just get raped by 50 new natives
I"ll take death he says
Death by rompus cries the chife

Answer 8

You think ur funny? Read this:

The President, First Lady and Dick Cheney were
> flying on Air Force One.
>
> George looked at Laura, chuckled and said, "You
> know, I could throw a
> $1,000 bill out of the window right now and make
> somebody very happy."
>
> Laura shrugged her shoulders and replied, "I could
> throw ten $100
> bills out of the window and make ten people very
> happy."
>
> Cheney added, "That being the case, I could throw
> one hundred $10
> bills out of the window and make a hundred people
> very happy."
>
> Hearing their exchange, the pilot rolled his eyes
> and said to his
> co-pilot, "Such big-shots back there. Hell, I could
> throw all of them
> out of the window and make 56 million people very
> happy.

Answer 9

Thats great, but here goes...
this moron goes to the doctor to get a brain transplant, the doctor says for regular persons brains is is $10 a pound and for lawyer brains it is $50 a pound and for politicians brains it is $500 a pound. tThe moron asks the doctor why so much for the politicians brains, and the doctor replys do you know how many politicians it takes to get one pound of brains

Answer 10

lol!!THATS FREAKIN HARLARIOUS!!ok i cant beat it, but ill try.
ok there were 4 Chinese men that moved to America and got jobs. The first one joined the army, and he learned how to say "Yes sir, yes sir!" The 2nd guy worked at a restaurant, and he learned how to say "Forks and knives, forks and knives!" The third guy worked at a candy shop, and he learned how to say "Goodie goodie gumdrops!" The 4th guy worked at Disney World, and he learned how to say "Forever, and ever and ever!"

Now one day they were walking down the street and they saw this dead guy. A cop comes up to them and says "Did you kill this man?" And the first guy said "Yes sir, yes sir!" then the cop said "What did you kill him with?" and the 2nd guy says "Forks and knives, forks and knives!" The cop says, "you're going to jail." and the 3rd guy says "Goodie Goodie Gumdrops!" And then the cop says, "How long do you want to stay?" and the last guy says "Forever and ever and ever."

Well, I tried.