Ok it has been 6 yrs exactly since my brother passed away. Will I ever get over the hurt from this?

Question

My brother died in July of 2000 a month after him and his wife had a baby boy. Its been six years and sometimes I just cant seem to get over the fact that he is gone. I had just moved in with him to help out him and his wife and we were just getting closer.It seems even harder now because I just had a baby in Sept. 2005 and it kills me that my brother isnt here to see him.
Will I ever get over the fact that my brother isnt coming back?

Answer 1

First of all, I"m very sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine what it would be like to lose someone that dear to me. It sounds like you are still dealing largely with not having accepted that he isn't coming back, can't come back, and perhaps even feel guilty that you are living on and seeing your children grow while he never will. - This is normal, and can last a long while.

For the past 9 years (on July 1st exactly) I have watched my best friend struggle through and learn to cope with the loss of her brother. It has been difficult since that day, and while time ebbs away at the pain of day to day, it is still intense for her and her family at times.
Up until a few months ago, she would STILL often say that its so much easier for her to just tell herself he is "away at college" or that he "moved away from home for a new job". I've never pressed the issue with her, but we were both aware that this is not a healthy mind set. Ultimately, this lie to herself was not allowing her to deal with and accept that he is truely gone.

For my friend, rediscovering her faith in God, and reaffirming her beliefs has been a major factor over the past 2 months in getting her past it. She has literally stood in front of a mirror and told herself he is never coming back. I think that was the most difficult thing for her, even after almost a decade of him being gone, she had never done such a thing.

She has changed so much now that she has truely accepted him being gone. She is much happier with herself, and enjoys talking about the good times she remembers with her brother, because she has accepted that as long as she has his memories to share, he will always be with her. She wants to share them with her children too, so that they can know the uncle that left this world long before they came into it.

It is not a process that can be rushed, and don't let anyone talk you into getting help until you are 100% sure that you want it and are ready to go forward with it. Some people never get to this point, and they struggle for the rest of their lives. The only advice I can offer on that though is to keep in mind what would make your brother the happiest. He would surely never want you to dwell on his death for so long. He would simply want to be respected in memory and for you to share those memories with his children and yours.

I wish you the best.

Answer 2

You will most likely not get over that fact, the only thing I can tell you from experience is to just remember the good times you had together while he was alive. I lost a friend that was like a brother to me in May of 2003 and I was a complete wreck, and even now I still get emotional when I think about it. I think that being a little bit emotional sometimes is good but if this is a constant thing then you should seek the help of a psychologist, and get some closure. I got a tattoo that I have to look at everyday and people ask me about it all the time and I get to talk about him and that helps me so maybe something like that I don't know for sure, but eventually you will figure something out.

Answer 3

I lost my brother too. It hurts a lot I know! We were 11 months apart. He was 20 when he passed and I was 21. I had a little girl then and now I'm married and have a son who I named after him. You never get over it, he's your brother. You're not expected to get over it either, but you will get through it. Grief is very different from time to time. Just allow the grief to be there so you don't suppress the feelings and later on go crazy. Talk about it with trusting people. Keep his memory alive and let your children know him from pictures, and memories you have. That's what I do and it helps a lot. I feel for you and am sorry for your loss.

Answer 4

Everybody grieves in his or her own way and there isn't a set amount of time for it to end. You may never really get over it. Not completely. And I'm not sure you would really want to anyway. As long as you keep him in your heart, he will never really be gone. I can tell you though, that as time passes the pain does lessen. And you are left with beautiful memories. You now have a beautiful little nephew, and you can be sure to tell him all about his daddy.
My dad died nearly 30 years ago now, and I sweat he's now my Guardian Angel. I still feel his presence on occasion, and his voice still rings in my ears.
I am so terribly sad for your loss. I wish there were words I could say that would magically make it all go away, but there aren't. All I can do is wish you and your family peace and offer my prayers.

Answer 5

I can totally realate to your situation. My brother commited suicide the day after I gave birth to my daughter. It will be 7 years this Nov10th. I still have a really hard time with his death, even though I know that he is fine. It's the ppl who are still here on earth that suffer. Ppl say that things get better eith time but really they don't, sometimes get a little easier but thats about it. I know how you feel about you're child not getting to see him, because I felt the exact same way. Always tell your child about your brother, the good and the bad.I have to help with her trying to know him , atleast as much as she can. I cant really give you anymore advice , on this I know it hurts ,It is so hard to lose someone that you care about. See if it helps some with being around his wife and helping her out.Im sure thats the way your brother would have wanted it.

Answer 6

Oh my God! I had to answer this question because I thought no one could know how I feel that my brother is no longer here with me. My brother was my best friend and he have two beautiful children. I miss him with every waking moment and he passed away four years ago. It seems like life is so dull without his presence because he was just a wonderful person. I always pictured myself going to his children's graduation and vice versa together. I had my second son a year after he passed and know how you feel that you can only tell your child your memories of him and they could not meet face to face. I found comfort in praying to God, crying, not holding my sadness inside, and knowing that if he was still alive, he would not ever want to see me suffer or in pain. I also have to be strong for my children as well as for his wife and children. I would recommend bereavement counseling. It really helped my brother's wife and children mourn my brother and my son and I will seek bereavement counseling as well. I will pray for you that you find comfort and I am so sorry for your loss.

Answer 7

My baby died in 1990 and I remember everything so clearly, he was a stillborn, but I always wanted a boy and that was a dream come true, but the dream vanished painfully. I couldn't do anything to fix that. The pain will lessen while the years go by, but the memories will stay in you for ever. Remember your brother with love and don't worry if you believe in God and Jesus, you know that when Jesus comes back to us you will see your brother again, and that is a promise that Jesus made: John 5:28,29.

Answer 8

It is hard to get over someone you love and harder to except that they aren't here no more. You won't get over it fully but the hurt will subside a little but you will still have the memories/stories that keeps him alive in you. It does suck that he isn't here to see his son and your baby grow up but make sure you tell his boy and your baby all about him so they now what a great man he was (which I am sure he was) and that way they will have stories to pass down to their children and good thoughts of him. Just keep your chin up and remember that he may not be there in person with you but he is in spirit and I am sure he loves you and your family, plus his wife and boy.

Answer 9

You will always miss your brother and remember the good things about him. There are stages of grief that a person goes through. It is not time that makes the stages pass. It is the attitude of the grieving person to have closure that helps a person pass through the stages of grieving. It is very difficult to go through the stages of grief when the person is very close to you or is very young. It may help to go to grief counseling.

I think that you may find the words of this poem to be true. My heart reaches out to you in your time of sadness.

Grief is a tidal wave that over takes you,
smashes down upon you with unimaginable force,
sweeps you up into its darkness,
where you tumble and crash against unidentifiable surfaces,
only to be thrown out on an unknown beach, bruised, reshaped...
Grief will make a new person out of you,
if it doesn't kill you in the making.

Stephanie Ericsson

Answer 10

I know how ya feel my aunt barabra just passed away in june and she died from liver sickness it was so sad when we went to the weak when they oppened the casket she looked different and she was so pretty i touched her hand and it was cold some of my cousins kissed her but i couldnt do that i was way too scared but at the funeral i cried really hard when i saw everyone else crying they had to give me a tissue lol it wasnt funny at the time but it is now and it's kinda scary at first cause for a moment i forgot she passed and i was like hmmm maybe this summer aunt barabra can come visit and im like oh wait i forgot and i felt sad and ppl all around us (not relatives) kept reminding us about it saying sorry but now im over it cause this is how i think about it she was hurting really bad so if i was to let her back on earth she would hurt and wouldnt like it and god wants her now cause he is god so that would be selfish so i have to think of her needs before myself i mean i dont want to hurt her.