I'm considering divorce but I know it's morally wrong. Where do i draw the line? Can anyone provide hope?

Question

following up a previous post-

My wife acts like Jekyll & Hyde on a regular basis and doesn't want to change. It's been going on for over a decade.

The Bible doesn't give that as a valid reason for divorce, but should I consider it anyway?

yes, used to be physical abuse but now it's only verbal/emotional abuse. been going on for a decade. She refuses medical help. i already tried (a lot). She blames others, mainly the kids. They have ADHD.

Been to 5 counselors over the years and most don't detect her problem. They try to remain impartial and she can fool them. One counselor was on to her and she broke off the meetings.

AND the only thing that has made me hold on this long is knowing that most mom's get custody in divorce and I would be throwing my kids to the wolves. Should I risk them if I can't prove her unfitness????????


OR DO I HOLD OUT FOR A MIRACLE?

Answer 1

No one should have to live with abuse from a spouse whether it is physical or mental. If you have been putting up with mood swings for over a decade and have talked to her about it, and she doesn't want to change, what more can you do? You should not have to live unhappily. It is also not good for the children. You need to think about them. I know firsthand that children can be stressful at times, but she certainly shouldn't be blaming them for her problems. You should go back to the counsellor that you think was catching on and find out if he can help you with custody.

Answer 2

I didn't see if you or both you and wife are Christians. If either of you are not Christians, It is a marriage not recognized by God anyway. why stay in it?
I see where people tell you, to avoid divorce at all costs. Gezzzzzzzzzzz.

There is a time to get out my friend. Even Christians. The Bible does not say YOU CAN'T GET A DIVORCE. OK?

It tells Christians what the results of a divorce should be.

Talk with professional people, before you make any decision about staying. That could be the worst mistake you ever made, for you and your kids.

God, did not put you on this earth to be hurt, abused, tormented, hated by a spouse. You will not show me anywhere in the scripture where He expects you to sit back and take it.

Contact your Preacher, or find one. Some churches have Christian Therapists. My church does. It is free to members of our Faith.

God Bless You. Good Luck.

Answer 3

I think you are obligated to make sure your kids are protected. So if you feel lthat she would kid custody of the kids, but they wouldn't be in a good enviornment with her maybe you should stay. I know that it is not a good environment now for them, but at least with you around on a daily basis, you can give them the encouragement and love they need. People often say parents shouldn't stay together for the kids, but I think sometimes it is appropriate to.
There isn't a magical answer for this circumstance unfortunately.
Maybe ask yourself how you have consistently been reascting to your wifes behavior. I know a person can only take so much, but have you tried to consistently help her with the kids and not react to her mood swings? Maybe the way you react fuels her negative emotions. I'm not blaming you, just trying to brainstorm with you.

Answer 4

You said one counselor was on to her. What were his findings? Ten years is a long time and it may be that you might have to have some type of intervention. When I mentioned counseling I meant professional Christian counseling. You need to seek out help even if its just for you and the kids. You need tools to know how to defuse the situation when it arises. I kinda know what your going through. I was raised by alcoholic parents who were quite abusive physically and emotionally to each other and of course it spilled over on to me. They thought of divorce too and the thought of that back then was worse than the abuse that was already going on. Your kids need a stable environment and, though you don't see it right now, being with both of you is stable, stormy albeit, but stable. God can intervene in this, you see, I was once like your wife and now I'm free and have been for more than 10 years. But it took alot of work and often I wasn't willing. But Gods will turned out to be stronger than my own. Its stronger than your wifes' too. Don't give up.

Answer 5

Dear friend in need,
Your need is like so many I have seen. Number one stay in prayer, and seek God. Tell him how you honestly feel. If you seek a counselor, seek a Christian one. Two , choose to obey or not obey the word of God.and stay firm to it. God gave you that wife, dont let satan take her.Even if she wont go to church , you take the kids.Protect the children, if needed, let them know mommy is sick, but she loves you.Stand firm against the enemy that rages thru her, for it is he(Satan) that is your enemy here not her.
If there is no other choices you can try a separation, though it is not really recommended. God's love does not go away, and you still love her. Find out if the problem could be medical not mental, dont stop trying. Cry out to God, and he will deliver you my friend, trust him.and if you have been waiting for an answer, than maybe it is because you already know it.

Answer 6

Personally, I think you know its wrong, but want to justify it.

You mention that the Bible doesn't favor a divorce in this situation. If you get a divorce, that is against the Bible. If you're not a Christian that really shouldn't bother you at all, but you mention the Bible in your post, so I assume you hold that as some moral authority.

I'd suggest trying marriage counsuling more -- and if your wife doesn't want to go, go without her.

Answer 7

I'm not in Psychiatric medicine nor am i a counselor, but whenever a whoa-man demonstrates Jekyll & Hyde; i think Border Line Personality Disorder. This is almost an entirely female afflicted illness. If she sees all issues in extreme black & white, has massive illogical mood swings, polar emotional reactions and similar characteristics; i would get a second opinion ..in writing. Then i'd devorce her.

Answer 8

God never meant for us to divorce. A covenant cannot be broken. I personally also don't think that divorce is a way out without any consequences (not saying that God will be angry with you). I have seen people who divorced and it's a big mess after divorce. The house, legal processings, emotions turmoil, ... ...

I do know that you are not going through the best of the times and it's easy for me to say things here without going through what you are going through.

Pray and tell Jesus the problem. Ask Jesus to come into the situation with you. Guard your heart and follow the peace within you. You have the Holy Spirit to lead and to guide you. I am not going to tell you what to do, He will.

Answer 9

It sounds like it isn't going to get better until your wife gets some medication, frankly. And that'll be a miracle.

The Bible has all sorts of stuff about divorce. The question is: Are you willing to do what it takes for your sake and for the kids? Start documenting the problems, and fight for your kids, who are suffereing because you are stuck looking in the Bible for your marital answers.

Answer 10

So sorry for your situation. I think God gives us free will to create our own miracles. I would run, not walk, as fast as I could to a good divorce lawyer, and you can prove that she would be unfit to raise those children. I give this advice because nothing good can ever come out of a totally dysfunctional relationship such as you are suffering in. Move on, and take your children with you, give them a chance at happiness. Good luck to you