question??

Question

my mom is unhappy all the time. i feel like i am taking the blame for all of her stress and unhappyness. she does not respect me and even flat out called me stupid. i am not happy and am quite tired of hating myself and crying. i know my dad (who i deeply love) has no control over this and is trying quite hard to make me feel loved. it is not working because i am being called a "selfish, self absorbed brat" and feeling bad a lot more now than ever. am i just over reacting? am i a brat? is it my fault? i dont know where to go or what to do? please be honest.

oviously talking to her is not working. she wont listen to me.

yes, i can be difficult and even bring things onto myself at times. i keep telling myself this and i dont know if it really is my fault. i guess im stuck.

Answer 1

If your mom is suffering from clinical depression...nothing you can do will either make it better or worse.

If she refuses to go get professional help...then you just need to remove yourself from the situation...and try to get your dad to take her for help.

Answer 2

First let me say, I'm sorry for what you are experiencing. When I read your question I saw a lot of myself there, on your mother's side.

About 10 years ago I was the same way, I took things out on anyone within range. Fortunately, I was divorced at the time and my daughter was with her mother so she didn't have to suffer for what was wrong with me.

I was always quick to blame others for things that I had/had not done. My co-workers were starting to avoid me and not talk with me, they didn't want to work with me. The more that happened the worse I got because I blamed them for being the reason they didn't want to be with me. I was right and the rest of the world was wrong.

YOU ARE NOT THE BLAME. There is no other way to say that. The best you can do for yourself is to talk with another adult, either a school counseler, a preacher, a close friend's parents, or someone else that can, if nothing else, help you with the way you are feeling and secondly maybe get your mom to some help.

What she has is called clinical depression and it can be brought on by stress, that is what I had and it was brought on by my job at the time.

There are now, many, many different medications that can help with this. I've been on many of them until one was found that was just right for me, so if the first one she is on doesn't work, don't be afraid to let her change to something else. I went through 5 different ones before I found the right one for me.

I started on Prozac, then Paxil, then Remeron, and now I'm on Cymbalta. They all worked to some degree and some had side effects that I didn't handle well. The Cymbalta has been the best, close to two years without any incidents.

I don't know where you live but I know that here in Florida, if you can't get her to a doctor then you can call the local police dept and tell them what is going on and we have a law called the Baker Act. It allows them to take me and hospitalize me for up to 72 hours against my will for observation and treatment. I went that way, and believe me, it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I found out what was wrong with me and got proper medical treatment and today, I feel better than I have ever felt.

I do wish you well, and best of luck getting your mom some help. Just remember IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT, but you can be a big help to your mom by trying to get her some help.

Take care, and let us know what happens.

Answer 3

You don't say how old you are but try this. Ask your Dad if you and he could go out for an ice cream. Discuss your concerns about your Mom with him. Chances are he's seeing the same thing as you and is as worried. Let him know that it is making you feel unhappy all the time. Ask him what you both should do to help your Mom. Perhaps he will take your cue and then talk with your Mom about getting some help.

If this doesn't work, talk to your best friend's Mom and see if she can intervene for you.

Is there a teacher or person at your Church whom you can confide in?

The longer you keep all this to yourself the harder it will be to get over it. So start now!

Good luck!

Answer 4

No, you are not a selfish brat. You care very deeply or you wouldn't question it. You are not responsible for your Mom's unhappiness. I am sure she loves you; but she doesn't know how to tell you because she is so unhappy. I know you must feel very hurt, and it is hard. Try to be with your friends, or get a hobby or join a club, go to church...something like that. Talk to someone you trust (like maybe your Dad) and tell them how you feel...it will feel really good to you not to have to keep it inside. Things will get better for you when you are older and can make your own choices...until then, know your Mom is going thru' something that has nothing to do with you...it isn't your fault, 'kay?

Answer 5

even if you feel you r the reason why your mom was unhappy it is her fault because she made the choice to have you.it is a parents responsiblity for raising happy healthy children.don't blame yourself honey talk to your father about getting her some help counsling etc. it seems she is taking her frustrations out on you.but if you know you r doing things that could cause her to get really upset than try your hardest to make it a peaceful environment. i know its hard being a teenager(i am assuming u r) but it is also very hard for parents to see there children growing up into young adults. I HOPE THIS HELPS

Answer 6

I used to bar-tend at a bar called Cha Cha Cha.

I was sorry to read about your plight.

Obviously your mom is going through something. It is not your fault. All too often kids become the target for a parents misplaced anger or depression.

I would hope that you are old enough to be able to get away from things to escape into your own little comfort zone at times.

If your father is unable to help your mom, I hope you have an ally in one of your mom's friends. Let that person know about your mom and maybe they can broach the subject for you.

I empathize for you and hope this can get resolved for you.

TFTP
Daryl

Answer 7

i recently went through a similar situation where i found out my mom was depressed and not taking her meds...and well she said i wasnt her daughter and she wanted me out of the house...and i confided in my dad...it is by no means your fault and you shouldnt be feeling bad about yourself when im sure those things arent true...the best thing to do if possible is to remove yourself until the situation gets better by going to a friends house for a little while...anything...and go to family counselling so you as an individual and as a family can talk about the whole thing and get a better understanding of everything. but be respectful about the fact that your mom may not want you to know shes depressed and she may be ashamed and embarrassed about that
best of luck!! you will make it through..believe me i did

Answer 8

Honey, I have been through that my whole life..and I am now 35 years old and I still til this day gets the blame for everything ...No matter where I am at or what ever...It is pretty bad..Now I have my own little family and I myself try to change everything wrong that my mother and father did to me to the right thing for my children...
I have not spoken or see any of my family for quite a few days now because I shut them out of my life as of couple days ago..We had a horrible fight in the family..and it was family against me...because I am the stupid one of the family...I came home and cut out every pic..that had me in it and sent it to them and told them they wanted me out and now I am out..I am dead to them and they are dead to me....
So, honey hang in there and get out as soon as you can and have your own little family and stay away from those bad ones...

Answer 9

How old are you?? No one person is to blame for another person's unhappy life. Unless you have done something hideous to your mother, I'd say she is the one that has the problem. You should live your life being the best person you can in spite of anything or anyone.

Answer 10

Try your school counselor or a friend's mom that you trust to talk to about this. Sounds like your mom needs counseling and is going through some kind of depression. Hope it all works out for you.

Answer 11

everyone goes through a stage in their life like this your not alone. sometimes parents are can be mean like that or all the time. it depends but no matter how they act be strong. one day they'll be gone and you won't know what to do. so find common ground with her some how.

if nothing works continue on with your life and forget about it. talk to your friends take your mind off her.