For those of you that have had a C-section, did you feel cheated out of the experience of giving birth?

Question

I had a C-section because my son wasn't tolerating my labor. I know that his well-being was top priority and I am grateful for having a healthy baby. Yet oddly enough, once it was all over I couldn't help but feel this sense of let-down and disappointment that I was unable to give birth vaginally. Any one else ever feel this way?

Answer 1

Yes, yes, yes, yes. You are not alone! I feel the exact same way. I had midwives, a doula, I planned for a home birth - but I got a cesarean. It still hurts to think about it but it has really helped me to keep from judging other moms who have had cesareans (I used to think it was just lazy moms who didnt want their vaginas to stretch who had cesareans). What you're feeling is very very normal.

Do remember this, despite anything anyone else will tell you - if you decide to have another baby, you CAN have a vaginal birth after cesarean (VBAC). It is almost as safe as a vaginal birth with no prior cesareans, espeically if it's not induced. For more information (and amazing support!) see http://www.ican-online.org - International Cesarean Awareness Network . They are very eye opening - they advocate for natural birth after cesarean. Women do it all the time - even home births! All the stats will be there.

Answer 2

I had a C-section after 52 hours of induced labor (due to preeclampsia) and 3 hours of pushing. Both my daughter and I experienced some distress, and finally my OB said, "Anyone can birth any baby vaginally, but the outcome might not be happy, and I don't recommend it at this point for you." So we did the surgery. And it turned out, when they got me in the OR, that I had a skeletal abnormality that wouldn't let her head pass, and she was so stuck in there that it required 2 sets of hands and a vacuum extractor to get her out!

But I did, weirdly, feel like I had worked so HARD to birth her vaginally and I was disappointed that it didn't work, and that I was so exhausted and sore and miserable that I couldn't even really enjoy her, you know?

Our second baby was born via scheduled C-section; I had preeclampsia again, and, of course, the same structural problem was still present. And that surgery was MUCH easier with way fewer issues, physical or emotional.

To tell the truth, though, I think a big part of the disappointment the first time around was just regular ol' baby blues. C-section moms just have something to blame it on, you know?

Answer 3

You're digging yourself a grave of guilty and remorse.

Let it go, for your own good.

It was what it needed to be and does not in any way diminish either of you.

My daughter was an emergency c-section and spent weeks in hospital. I recall visiting the intensive care unit some months after my daughter was discharged and the nurse asked me if it brought back bad memories. I said "Just memories. They are neither good nor bad, they just are."

Years later my daughter was frustrated at not being able to get something right and said "You'll never be proud of me".
I told her about the time she took her first unassisted breath when she was 3 days old and how her father had said "I never knew I could be so proud of someone just for learning how to breathe!". I told her that whatever else she does in this life is just fine - we are already as proud of her as is possible,just for coming off the ventilator.

Other children didn't have that experience. They breathed when they were born. Other children don't have that story. But they have other stories, and your son will have his own stories,too.

For the sake of your sanity focus on the experiences you actually have, and not any belief about what you should have.

Answer 4

I had three sons and oddly enough each one was delivered differently. My 1st son 32 hrs labor vaginal and stitched and itched like a son of a gun, 2nd son c-set back when they put you under the gas and you were totally out of it, 3rd son c-set again but epidural this time so I was awake and my hubby was there too to see our son born. So as you can tell each really was different,I guess what I'm trying to say is hun don't let it bother you, be happy your both safe and healthy.

Answer 5

That's sad. I think I would have felt that way too if I had a c-section. Hopefully you still have the chance to try it again! I think what's most important to focus on is that your son is healthy. Babies who go into distress don't always make it through a vaginal birth. So try to look at the c-section as his life-saver!
Best Wishes and congratulations on your precious baby boy!!

Much Love!!

Answer 6

I have not gone through labor, but I am 34 weeks and as far as I am concerned if I have to have a C-section I will also feel like I let myself down.

But I also know that what matters most is the baby, so as long as she comes out healthy, I will just be glad she came out.

Good luck and congrats on your little one!

Answer 7

i was disappointed at first...we had been through lamaze class, and i was looking forward to the experience (although i was scared out of my wits, too).... but we LUCKILY found out that if i'd tried to have the baby vaginally, one or both of us could have died. then i was just grateful that we live in a time when c-sections can be performed safely.

i think it's VERY normal and common to feel the kind of disappointment you're taking about. but remember, you still held your baby in your womb for 9 (10) months, which is an amazing experience in itself..... and in the long run, it won't matter how you gave birth, it will matter what you do with the life you helped create.

good luck to you!

Answer 8

I havent had my baby yet (9 months so he will be here any time) but I was talking to my sister in law and she had regular birth but they were getting ready to do a c-section, for her she really didnt want one she felt like she went though all that work and she wasnt going to have her baby the way she wanted. Luckly for her she asked her doctor to give her one more try and out came my cute little newfew. I have read a lot of maganzines/books on pregnacy and have heard women say they have felt the same way as you did. Congrats on your little one.

Answer 9

I did feel that way to a point because my 1st son i had natural and i riped from one end to the other and i no choice but to have a c-section with my 2nd baby. It felt completely different. I feel like i did not have to work to have him. It was not an accomplishment. The recovery time was alot longer with my c-section too.

Answer 10

I feel this way. I just had a baby in Sept. 2005 via C-Section, they said he wasnt coming down because his head was to big. But at times I do feel cheated of going natural. My mom had 7 natural and that is what I wanted but things happen for a reason. My next one Iam thinking of VBAC if you decide to have another one you might want to think about that to if your able to.