Can some one tell me how to deal with suppressed anger?

Question

My little sister is a brat. She gets whatever she wants if she whinnes enough. And my parents take her side like 80% of the time because Im older. It makes me so angry.

Answer 1

Do you really want that? Most people really love their anger. They cherish it and react very angrily if someone threatens their ability to get angry.

I'll try:
1) No one makes you angry. Period. You chose anger as the response to their actions. You choose it. No one has a remote control on your emotions.

2) If you are angry, you are frightened about something. You say they take her side more. That means something that frightens you. I'll mention that later. Can you figure it out before I say it and you read it?

3) She is smaller and you are more threatening. As long as you are more threatening, she will get more support. Undermine that by being less threatening and calmer, but saying the same things.

4) Don't threaten your parents' identity by telling them how badly they are doing. ASK for their help, and when they don't, or side with her, NOD, say you understand, smile and be friendly. After a while, they will start thinking more your way as they realize they are safe around you, that you aren't a threat to their image as parents, and they will look at it more objectively.

5) Go out of your way to be nice to her, then leave when she acts like a brat. When she asks why, explain: "I like being with you, sometimes, but when you act that way it is no fun. Mom, Dad, what do you think? I assume you only want me to play with her when she is using her manners? Maybe after a break to calm down for her?" You will be the hero of the family and be laying down groundwork for good relations with her and your parents for many years to come. It isn't just about winning the battle. It's about winning the war, errr, family's support.

6) What you are probably frightened about (if it makes you cry, you are on your way to getting over it. If it ends in a laugh, you are probably almost done) is the idea that you are not as worthy of their love and support as she is. It's frightening, and the only response children usually have to is get angry. Instead, you need to look close and recognize that this is NOT your parents' motivation, and that you have ways to change the situation if you just get over your fear and start looking at what it is that your parents fear you think about them? Take that away, stop threatening their image, and they'll warm to you almost over night. It will upset her, but you'll know what SHE is scared of, and why she is therefore angry, and you'll be able to do what is necessary to take her fear away and thus end her anger, as she realizes you don't want to be a threat to her.

We live our lives pretending to be all sorts of things. Our pretenses cause us more harm than any physical damage. See where people are angry. Then figure out why they feel threatened are afraid. Then figure our what they are scared of it meaning about them! Then you can diffuse the anger.

Good luck. And remember, anger and fear are choices. You don't have to feel them or use them.

Answer 2

I was the baby of my family and my sister always felt I got my way with everything. I feel that age difference has alot to with how our parents handle things. If there is a 5 year age gap or more between siblings I think the parent tend to feel that the older child should be setting an example and not be as argumentative. But as you mature and your sibling matures things will level out..It's just part of life. My sister and I use to argue all of the time and I wish she was still living today so I could have someone to fuss with. Enjoy the moments whether you are fussing/ fighting because one day you will sit back and laugh at all of the dumb things you use to fight about if you can remember them. Life is too short. My sister died unexpectedly 16 yrs ago and today I still miss her..

Answer 3

Your sister isn't your problem, you didn't mention the age difference but I am guessing there is a long gap. Anger will just hurt you , Get some alone time , shoot hoops and any other exercise to let off the steam. Try and be friends with your sister and keep the family harmony.

Answer 4

Anger is a natural response to feeling attacked, injured or violated. It’s part of being human; it’s energy seeking expression. Our anger can be our friend. It helps us survive, giving us the strength to fight back or run away when attacked or faced with injustice. In itself, it’s neither good nor bad, but it can be frightening.

Angry feelings can lead to destructive and violent behaviour, and so we tend to be frightened of anger. The way we are brought up, and our cultural background, will very much influence how we feel about expressing anger. You may have been punished for expressing it when you were small, or you may have witnessed your parents’ or other adults’ anger when it was out of control, destructive and terrifying. Or you may have been frightened by the strength of your own bad temper. All of this encourages you to suppress your anger.

When something makes you angry, you feel excitement in your body and emotions. Your glands are pumping your blood full of the hormone adrenalin, preparing for fight or flight. You are full of energy, alert, ready for action. Tension builds up, but is released when you express your anger. The release is good for you, helping to keep body and mind in balance and able to face life’s challenges.

As long as the build-up of tension is usually released in action or words, you should be able to cope with feeling frustrated occasionally! But if, as a rule, you have to bottle up your feelings, the energy has to go somewhere. It may turn inwards and cause you all sorts of problems. Suppressed anger can have very negative effects, physically and mentally.

http://www.mind.org.uk/Information/Booklets/How+to/How+to+deal+with+anger.htm

Check it out

Answer 5

Don't bother trying to solve the problem, you'll both grow out of it. I'd suggest some typical anger management techniques -- never be afraid to let out your anger. Two ways I find ridiculously effective are
A) punching/throwing pillow/doll
B) screaming your lungs out underwater

Come up with your own similar techniques that allow you to get out all of your frustration without any one else's involvement.
This might also help:
http://advice7.com/games_movies/anger.html

Answer 6

counseling, couseling, couseling......and look for some books that explain various techniques for SAFELY getting your angry feelings out.
one interesting thing is to write it all down in a journal but you must be focussed on getting thru the anger and over to the love and acceptance side otherwise you'll just be going thru anger again and again with no progress towards love and understanding.
bad feelings need to be expressed and healed - not just played with for ever more.

Answer 7

take up a sport, like boxing. and maybe you could get some alone time with one of your parents and explain to them how you feel? I'm a parent and would really make an effort to make you feel less angry. good luck

Answer 8

I totally am in your shoes except its with my nieces who are 5 and 8. They always get there way and I m always the one whose left crying in my room cuz my parents ***** at me for not being nice to them. I let it out though on people enough and I write, write and write. That really helps me and also talking about it to friends really help me too.

Answer 9

Take up boxing. It's a good way to get out your anger.

Answer 10

its always like that to the older ones. buy a punching bag. or go to the gym and sweat off the stress!!