anyone got good jokes?

Answer 1

Three pieces of rope are walking down the street and they decide they need a drink. They go into a bar and the first piece of rope says "bartender a drink for me and my pals." the bartender says to the rope "We don't serve rope in this bar" and walks away. The first piece of rope goes over to his pals and says"We better go, they don't like rope here." The second piece of rope jumps up and goes over to the bartender and says" Bartender a round of drinks for the house and one for yourself." The bartender is getting angry now and says "Look we don't serve rope. Now get out of here." The second piece of rope goes back to his buddies and says " We better go!" The third piece of rope says "You just don't know how to handle people." With that he untangles the cords of his head and ties himself into a knot. He approaches the bartender who is fuming by now and says "Bartender get me a round of drinks right now!" The bartender says "Are you a piece of rope like your friends over there?" Smiling he replied "I'm a frayed knot." He got the drinks.

Answer 2

Here are a few.
1) [Blonde Joke]: A blonde and a brunette are walking in a park. The brunette looks and sees a dead duck on the ground. He says, "Hey look, a dead duck." The blonde looks up and says "Where?!"
*Note: telling it is funnier if you can give some good visual clues, and let the person hearing figure out some things; i.e., 'The blonde says "Where?!", saying it with enthusiasm, and looking all over up in the air.
2)A little girl is playing on the playground at recess, when a frustrated little boy storms out. He says to the girl: "Our principal is the worst guy ever!! He's a big meanie head!" The girl then replies "Do you know who I am?!" The boy says no, a little taken aback by the girl's anger. "I'm the principal's daughter, that's who I am!!" she says. The boy then asks, "Well, do you know who I am?" The girl replies "Well, no." The boy then wipes his head and says "Thank goodness!"
This is also another one that is funnier if you hear it told correctly. The boy replies in the same manner as the girl with his question of "Well, do you know I am?", thereby making you think the boy is important somehow, but it just turns out the he's glad the girl doesn't.
Usually good jokes are told by those with enthusiasm and who have practiced them at least a little before. It's hard to tell you a joke and have you understand unless you are in the room hearing it.

Answer 3

A koala is sitting up a gum tree ... smoking a joint
when a little lizard walks past and looks up and says,
"Hey Koala ! What are you doing?"
The koala says:
"Smoking a joint, come up and have some."
So the little lizard climbs up and sits next to the koala and
they have a few joints. After a while the little lizard says his
mouth is 'dry' and is going to get a drink from the river. But
the little lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and
falls into the river.
A crocodile sees this and swims over to the little lizard and
helps him to the side, then asks the little lizard:
"What's the matter with you?"
The little lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting
smoking a joint with the koala in the tree, got too stoned
and then fell into the river while taking a drink.
The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into
the rain forest, finds the tree where the koala is sitting
finishing a joint, and he looks up and says "Hey you!"
So the koala looks down at him and says:
Dude ... how much water did you drink?!!"

Answer 4

What kind of horse rides at night? A nightmare!

Answer 5

U must be familiar with the phrase-Half truth is a whole lie.
Hence truth\2=lie.
therefore truth=2*lie.
Hence two times lie is a truth.
So lie twice.
HAAHHAHAHAHAH....
Oops sorry!

Answer 6

Two fish are in a tank.
One says to the other;
I man the guns, you drive...

Dinna say it would be good AND corny...

Answer 7

What is the sorority girl's mating call?


"Oh, I am so drunk!"

Answer 8

Sure!

Knock knock?
-who's there?
Nobody.
-nobody who?
I said NOBODY you little f****** smart a** now go away!!!!

Answer 9

go to jokes.com