Has anyone decided NOT to have children,,, ever? Why?

Question

I'm 32, clock is ticking, but I think I've pretty much made my mind up not to have children. Too expensive, too much commitment, too much work, no free time, not being free to do what you want any more, etc, etc... Am I too selfish?

Answer 1

I feel the same way, sometimes. But I also know that if you do have children, you will never regret it. When you are a mother, there is no way to explain how you feel about your children, but you will always love them unconditionally. At least for most moms. I am a year older than you and I do not have kids yet either. I have been married for over 2 years. I think we may start trying in another year. I keep flip flopping on my decision though too for exactly the same reason as you. One of my good friends gave in to her husband's pleeds to have a baby after years of waiting. She was the only person I knew that hated the thought of it. I never heard someone so negative about being pregnant and not looking forward to having a baby. Even she could not expect how she was going to change. Here is part of a reply to an email she sent me... (gives us hope to want to try it!)...

"I think it's good that you're not rushing in to having children. So many people think that just because people get married they should automatically start having children - that mentality always makes me so mad. I think it's good to spend time getting used to each other and then, if the couple wants, think about putting a baby in to the mix....You both should have time alone as a couple now...why not enjoy it? As far as babies go, so far it's not nearly as scarey as I thought - and it definitely doesn't suck at all (like I thought it might...) For me it kind of brought back a sense of family that I hadn't had since I was a little kid and didn't even realize that I missed- I feel more content now...Kinda weird because I didn't expect it and was pretty much in denial my whole pregnancy about even having a baby - but it's really pretty cool! - The lack of sleep at night sucks - but maybe you guys will! be lucky and have a sleeper!"

Answer 2

No you are not selfish. Bring a child into the world is the most important decision you will make. You are doing the responsible thing by thinking it through. Once you have children there is no turning back your life is changed forever and you never stop being a parent. It is selfish not to consider what it takes and if you are will before being a new life into the world. If you are meant to have children ever thing will fall into place but if it years down the line there is always adoption. Too many people having children not thinking about the work you have to put into it or just not thinking. Many parents don't talk about how hard parenting is or what it details. Parenting is the hardest job on earth if you do it right which means putting you children need above your own. You only know how much u can handle so if you know your not ready don't do it. You may ended up taking you frustration out on the child. It is smart to thing about it many people just follow social norms without thinking about whats right for them.

Answer 3

When I was younger I didn't want any, and as I grew up my desire to have a child became enormous. I knew I wanted a child but still thought it through and knew what sacrifices would accompany having a child. I have a 9 week old baby in my arms, and he is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Those that dont wish to have any, shouldn't have any. However you might regret it one day, when you get old, when your partner passes away and you are left on your own, in a nursing home, nobody to even bring you a glass of water and be genuinly interested in you as a person. Having said that. that is not a reason to bring a child into the world. The love i feel towards my boy cannot compare to anything or anybody I love. Those that have no kids havent experienced the most beautiful thing in life, that gummy smile, the little laugh and giggles etc. But then again, what you never had, you cannot miss. Each to their own. But no, you are not selfish.

Answer 4

Some degree of selfishness is a good thing. Having kids is a wonderful blessing, but also a tremendous burden. I'm divorced at age 38 and have no children. At least once a week I look back and say "Thank God I didn't have a child with my ex". It would have changed my life and limited my opportunities forever. I know too many married couples that were completely in love before they had kids. Now they are stressed, worried, and tired all the time. And they drift apart like two ships passing in the night.

Answer 5

I'm 17 and I've decided not to have children... and been that way for a while.

I like having time to myself, so when people ask why I don't want kids, I just tell them it's because I'm too selfish!

I really love kids, but I just have no desire to have my own... I never grew up thinking about one day getting married and having a family, so it's never been an issue for me. I am very interested in volunteer work with children etc though.

However... if I did get pregnant and it was under the right circumstances then I would have the child and I certainly wouldn't mind... it just wouldn't have been part of my "ideal" plan!

You shouldn't need a reason to not want kids... it's not like it's a law to have children! People who want kids never get asked why =oP (and guys certainly don't get questioned about it!)

I don't think you're being selfish... not everyone is cut-out to have children... just whatever floats your boat!

Answer 6

My wife and I had made up our minds to never have children. After a trip to Jamaica we came home with a "no problem" attitude and threw caution to the wind one night. We were then blessed with our first child. Four years later we once again had a "no problem" moment and were subsequently blessed with our second child.

I do not associate them with the word "accident" because that sounds like something bad happened. A better word is "surprise", like when someone gives you a wonderful unexpected gift.

Yes, there is much sacrifice in being a parent, particularly when you are an older parent and getting somewhat set in your ways. But it is well worth it.

If you "decide" to, don't do it alone. It's hard enough with two partners in a loving relationship. I couldn't imagine being a single parent.

Answer 7

I'm 25 and i will never ever plan for kids. Id rather not have to bother cleaning up someones sick and sh*t 24 hrs a day for 3 years and after that get a whole load of abuse etc when the little gets are teenagers. If an 'accident' lol happened of course i would do the decent thing but i totally agree with you about not having any kids.

Answer 8

no, it requires a lot to bring a human being into this world. it would be selfish to do so, while not feeling truely committed to the new wonder. The world is overpopulated as it is. Yes, it is very unselfish to dedicate your life to a child, but it would be really selfish to only do so to satisfy your own need of being a mother when you're not able or willing to provide the child with the best care and love.

Answer 9

I'm 37 and have never wanted kids. I haven't regretted it because my twin sister has 3 beautiful children and we are very close and am very involved in every aspect of their life and love them as though they were mine! I never thought about why I didn't want them, I just never thought about having any. It's not like I'd be a terrible mom - a lot of people say they can't believe I don't have kids because I'm good with them. However, if I had kids, they would wear plaid...need I say more?? LOL :-) It's not selfish. It depends what you want in life basically. It's a choice you get to make! :-)

Answer 10

I had a baby at 19. Of course, I wasn't planning on having a child, but she is the most wonderful blessing in my life. However, if I hadn't had her when I did, I may not have had children. I'm in grad school right now and working on a career, so I don't know that I'll have more later. But I think that there are so many ways that you can give of yourself in ways that are similar to the fulfillment of investing in children. One day you may decide to be a mentor or a volunteer. I think that finding a way to invest in others gives you a sense of fulfillment later in life.