Girl Problem?

Question

I just dated this incredible girl and we had nothing but an awesome time together. She used to date this guy (who was also her first boyfriend) who was controlling and verbally abusive. Everytime they broke up he said he was sorry and that things would be different this time (yeah right). They broke up about 3-4 times over. Her friends and parents hate him. She always used to tell me about how she could never be friends with him again (unlike me) and how she hated so many things about him. Now we've broken up and they're friends, however she isn't dating him nor really hanging out with him that much. She's basically shut me out of her life, although she really wanted to be friends and still hang out. I still get the feeling she really misses me (she has to!).

What should I do? I know move on, but there must be some way to get her back

Answer 1

OK, sounds to me that she is still hung up on being abused by him. Sorry but I do not hold much hope for you, especially not if you go chasing after her.

The best advice I can give you is that cats and women tend to chase that which moves away. Find others whom you can date. Have fun. Find more wonderful women, those who are not screwed up in the head. There is a chance she will outgrow the need to be with Mr. Wrong. You can never tell. Right now, however, she is back with him. Will bet you dollars to donuts.

Get her back? Do you still want her if she still wants to be with him? Pull yourself up by the scruff of your neck, Brother! You are worth more than that. And sooner or later, she will regret leaving you. Make that a goal. It will help you survive right now in the short term.

Answer 2

Although moving on is probably the best idea, the only other option is to let her get her fill of the ex-boyfriend to a point where she is tired of his abuse and is ready to move on.. However, that could take a lot longer than you are willing to wait. If you chose this route, you must be willing to keep the lines of communication open with her without forcing yourself into the friendship they have or bad mouthing the ex-boyfriend - because she will think it is just jealousy on your part. It might also be important to know that she might be rebelling against her parents and even friends by being with this guy.. Who knows?

Answer 3

Son, I am older than you. I hope you'll take my advice--advice that I wish that someone had given me long ago.

First, you really should move on. You are young. Every minute you spend obsessing about this girl who isn't interested in you is wasted. Believe me, you'll forget about her as soon as you get that first kiss from the next one. And the next one.

Second, the nature of your question (and the fact that you are asking it) tells me you are a nice guy. This is good; nice girls like nice guys. But this girl, for whatever ever reason, clearly doesn't like nice guys. In fact, it sounds like she likes guys who are trouble. She's messed up. We don't know why, but she is. And she is unlikely to change any more than you are likely to become the controlling and verbally abuse person that she is attracted to. Unfortunately, women like this are often very appealing (have you seen many French movies? The women are almost always like this).

Answer 4

Show up where she hangs out once in a while, say hi and move along - maybe ask her a question another time or tell her she looks nice - if she seems receptive, as her out for coffee/lunch. If she says no, then consider the relationship gone and move on.

Answer 5

I think you should negotiate or try to talk to her. The problem may occur in your side. Probably there are some things she dislike about you. Then try to change them. You can't force someone to love you.

Maybe she still love you but she can't get rid of her old boyfriend. You can also ask her parents about her live now. Take everything easy and talk to her when the fire stats to simmer.

Answer 6

It sounds like you really love this women.I think you should not sit quietly by talk to her no matter how long it takes. Love is a many splendid thing the one thing love should not be is physically painful.I've been where she is.Try not to pressure her all at once and be there for her.Love is blind but love can open our eyes to see what is right in front of us!

Answer 7

Have you tried talking to her and just saying how you feel. Because is you miss her and she misses you but she only wants to be friends then be friends. After awhile she'll probably feel more comfortable.Then ask her like to a date. But really tell her what you feel.

Answer 8

OK,u want her back? Girls want attention, a lots of attention...be creative! Let's see...4 example, take 10 kids, 10, 11 y old, or somn like that, find ten different roses and give one each one of them, send them to her home or work or so to ring a bell, and when she shows they must be lined up and one by one to start givin' her roses. The last kid with the rose should carry a note: If you sometimes here I'm calling you, don't worry, that's not me! It's a wind, I learned it to whisper your name! Bingo! There's plenty of ways man, BE CREATIVE!

Answer 9

You see, she and the ex had issues but resolved them sexually. You seemed like a nice guy, sorta like an oasis when you're lost in the dessert, but she lacked the passion she got from the make-up sex with her ex. So, with you, it's emotional: with him, it's physical.

Now she has figured out that she doesn't actually need to be attached to get what she wants. She'll just get a hump when she needs it then walk away and she'll come to get a hug from you when she wants it then walk away.

Did I get it, tell me I got it, I know that I got it, right, RIGHT?

Answer 10

Call her up, tell her how you feel, and what you think of the situation...maybe invite her over, so you two can have a private conversation
Let her notice the bad things about her ex, without hurting her feelings...and compare them with the good times you two have had.