Is this all my fault?

Question

My daughter is 15 years old, she is very spoiled, She doesn't mind me at all.She half way minds her father, but when he does try to make her mind i interfear.Her is what has happened. i have other children who are married and gone, they were very good kids, and now very good parents and adults.when my 15 yr old was 11, i became disabled, wheelchair bound. and was bed bound for 3 of those yrs. Maggie ended up taking on alot of the housework.bringing thinds to me, and doing for me all the time, i was unable to go to any of her school functions,or take her places, so i basically gave her anything she wanted, i am out of the bed now,but still require her help some, she down talks me, she doesnt mind me , treats me with absolutely no respect, i feel like i gave and gave to her to make up not being able to do with her, now i cant manage her, she is mean, and does as she pleases, i need help with this, i know it is my fault, but is there anyone out there that can help me fix it? is it to late

Answer 1

You have to figure out Her currency. If it is Her cell phone, then tell Her if She does not mind it will be taken from Her. For a time the roles were reversed, but that does not make Her in charge. You and Her Father have to go at this with a unified front. If She asks You for something, or to go somewhere, You will have to talk it over with Her Father, and get back with Her, and the same if She asks Her Dad. You did not say if the two of You are together. Since She is 15 You still have some time, Thank goodness. When You take away, that which is very important to Her, She will start to act right. Then when everything is going well try talking to Her, let Her know how You feel. Have Her write Her feelings down, and plan a time to go over them together. It is like You drew a line in the sand and dared Her to cross it, and She did, so You drew several more, and She crossed them. It is time to take Your land back. And it will be beneficial to the Wonderful Adult Woman it will mold Her into becoming.

God Bless and Best Wishes, Hang Tough........

Answer 2

Unfortunately, one of the key things a parent is supposed to
give a child is a sense of entitlement and morality. That is,
you need to provide some level of discipline and boundaries.

You were, for whatever reason, not able to do that.

However, that was then and this is now.

Perhaps you can sit her down and explain to her that
things need to change - that part of being an adult is
to understand how the rest of the world perceives you, etc.

At 15, it is probably OK to say that you have made some
errors in judgement - that you shouldn't have let her do
X and that she wasn't being responsible when she did Y.

You can then change the rules. She is still under age and
you still have the moral and legal obligation to provide and
protect her to the best of your abilities. If that means grounding
her and/or calling the police and hauling her butt back from
her friends house, then so be it.

It may be that you'll get a lot of respect for a little backbone.

Of course, it may take her having children of her own for
that to happen.

Do you think its too late?

Answer 3

I understand that over the past few years you have had challenges beyond your control. However, by spoiling your daughter you have lost control. Helping out family in need is what you do if you are able... you are not obligated to spoiler your child because of this... get a handle on this before it get's even worse.

Answer 4

my mother is like that with my daughter,i just had to separate them. i suggest you go to counseling with her and STOP just giving her stuff. make her earn things and take away things for disrespect and disobedience. she has three years before legal adulthood, you better work fast. i don't think you will be successful without a counselor to mediate. you both need to hear from an outsider what the reality is and what you two need to do to rebuild a healthy relationship and to enable your daughter to grow into a happy healthy independent kind respectful contribution to society that you can be proud of. good luck, stick to your guns!!!

Answer 5

It's not to late. You need to get her into therapy asap. She's had alot put on her a really young age and just needs someone to listen to her. I promise therapy would help. It's helped alot of girls her age with half of her problems.
Plus, how is it your fault? You can't help what happened to you. It's not like you got a manual on how to deal with this sort of tragedy. Good luck, everything will work out for he best. :)