If i could i would?

Question

My moms just nearly touching on an alcoholic stage, ruin my life for me, but i can't move anywhere i wish i could but i am scred to goin in to Hostel's because some of the stories you hear, and scared she could do something to her self she wont but its always on your mind...
The names she calls me are horrendous .. puts me down, but i have got the strength now to stand up to her, but your moms your mom , shouldn't she be your best friend, well i have given up with her, i've got worries about my health that i have hospital 2mora and shes down stair's blaring music and drunk/still drinking.... Well thats life .. in its sh*ttest way

i forgot to add my agg.. as you's are asking i am 20.

Answer 1

Hiya Gillian,
Couldn't mail you back via answers so replied to other question here! As for this question, from personal experience with an alcoholic, you can't make them change until they are ready to make themselves change. Try and look after yourself first and foremost, then worry about your mom. Just remember, her problem is with alcohol and not with you. Whatever she says to you, you can bet she wouldn't if she was sober and balanced.

Anyway, I believe the story goes something like this :

A friend of mine told me about something that happened in the halls of residence at the university next to hers. Apparently, one night a girl was out late with her friends but she got cold and realised that she had left her jumper on her bed. She went up to her room, opened the door and was just about to switch on the light when it occurred to her that it might wake up her room mate. Being considerate, she let go of the light switch and felt her way over to the bed in the dark, picked up her jumper and left, closing the door after her. She spent the night in her boyfriend's room and returned to her dorm room the next day to find the room sealed off by the police. She was horrified to find out that her room mate had been murdered. The police were very reluctant to let her return to the room, but eventually she persuaded them to let her get some of her stuff. When she walked in, she screamed. Written on the wall in her friend's blood were the words "Lucky you didn't turn on the light!" The murderer had been in the room all the time she looked for her sweater in the dark ..............

Answer 2

Don't run away and give up - that is the worst thing that you could do. Children of alcoholic parents run a higher risk of becoming alcoholic themselves and it is important that you address the problem as early as possible. It is hard to take that initiative when you feel so down and drained of all energy - but it is really important that you do something about it so that you can feel better soon.

It's good to share your feelings with a friend, but it's equally important to talk to someone you trust. Possibly your doctor, an officer, a sympathetic uncle or aunt. You are not betraying your parent by seeking help. You can continue to be supportive of your alcoholic parent even as you try to make things better for yourself and the rest of your family.

Often children of alcoholic parents report feeling disloyal, like a traitor, for talking to someone outside the family. But keeping "the secret" is part of the disease and allows the problems to get worse. Picking one person you think you can trust can be a good first step. It's not disloyal; it's the most loving thing you can do for your family.

If you feel that the situation at home is becoming dangerous, you can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at (800) 799-SAFE. And, as in the case of all emergencies, never hesitate to dial 911.

Wishing you all the best.

Answer 3

A mother doesn't behave this way. A mother is caring and nurturing and would do anything to do what is best and protective for her children.

it may come time when you will have to accept that you no longer have a traditional mother, but instead a manipulative, controlling, self centered egg donor. just because you came from her uterus doesn't make her a Mother. it makes her a Female, that's it. a fuctioning uterus is not mom. it takes much more than that and you should not let her ruin your life.

in most cases this could go on for years and victims like you are left miserable...you should get on with your own life, hopes and dreams and hope she will one day see the error of her ways.

danger.

Answer 4

You need to get your own place, and live your own life.
But, before you do, you should really look into some help for your Mom.
No, that's NOT life. That's an alcoholic in trouble. And you should NOT have to be going through this at 20 years old.
I wish I could help you more.

Try calling AA, and speak with someone there about what to do.
Good luck!

Answer 5

How old are you? I dealt with the same issues and over the years it hasn't gotten worse, but it has gotten better. It is hard when you have to live in that environment but as you get older and become an adult yourself, you realize what you want in your life and once she sees that you are excluding her... and if you do tell her why, perhaps she will try to understand.

Do you have other family members who see her behavior and also whom you could move in with? This is a huge problem and you need to get out of it.

Answer 6

Gillian i don't know what age you if you are under 16 social services can help.
Have you no family member you can explain this to and just get a break and move in with them for a while.
Phone someone like the samaritans they can put you on to a support group to help.
Adriano if its not your concern don't say anything !

Answer 7

Hey Gillian--look--this thing you're dealing with is not forever--I know it feels like an unending hell right now--but believe me here--it is not forever--in time--and maybe not that long--something will develop and the wheels will begin to turn in your favor--hang tuff---there is alot to be said for holding your own ground--don't let her bully you--you know you're better than that and you know she's on a dead end street--so just stand by and let things run their course here--time is on YOUR side--do what you have to to make a place for yourself in all that that you can go to to be "in the zone"---and tune it out as much as you can--you're gonna make it---and when everything is said and done--you're gonna be the better person for it all----good luck--hang tuff--and keep the faith

Answer 8

You really need to get some help, for yourself firstly and for your mum also.

A very good friend of mine went through the same thing when she was 11-16 and it took the intervention of a teacher for something to happen.

There is a ton of help out there and right now, you need to be looking out for yourself.

Email me if you need someone to talk things through with.

Answer 9

did u try social worker?
this environment wont do u any good gotta find a way to go on with ur life as a 'normal' 20 year old.
good luck

Answer 10

how old are you? 13? maybe...well contaked the police and they will do something about it and you are doing the right thing to stand up to her. And yes your mother should be your bestfreind but i dont see any bestfriend in this relaiontship. Go call the police and tell them everything.