Pregnancy and in-laws?

Question

My husband and I are trying to have our first baby. We have moved 3000 miles away from all of our families because of hte stress and drama they cause. His parents dont want him with me and my parents have hated him since I was 13 (7years) we dont want our kids around their hosility and its is something that we have talked about and decided on. So when I get pregnant do we just not tell them at all and someday they will find out ( they always do) or do we tell them and also tell them that they arent going to be apart of our kids lives? I havent talked to my parents in over a month and neither has he. They got pissed when we left. Please no sarcastic remarks or lectures about our descion..thanx for any advice

Answer 1

This is your child (or will be when you conceive, rather!), so you should do what you think is in his best interest. If you think your families will move close to you or visit frequently and stir up problems, then don't tell them. If you don't anticipate any problems from them, then do tell them...after all, they are pretty far away. And, while he is your baby, he is still their blood relative.

My mom and I never got along. We didn't fight...we just didn't want to be in the same room with each other for more than 10 minutes before we'd go crazy. When I became pregnant with my first son, that changed everything. We're now pretty close, and she loves her grand kids (I had another one 16 months later, lol) beyond belief. We talk a lot now, and I've convinced her to see the error of her ways. :)

Answer 2

Tough question! I would send them a birth announcement simply because they should at least know they have a grandbaby. Although I know you are sure about your decision now, a lot of things change when a baby comes around. You shouldn't just not tell them - when they find out eventually, it will cause a deeper rift between you all than there is already. Living as far away as you are will be an automatic "buffer" between you and them - even if you do reconcile one of these days, they probably won't see the baby more than once or twice a year. Good luck.

Answer 3

Maybe after the baby is born you can tell them - why possibly cause any stress while you are pregnant. With them being so far away and with the problem you say you are having then it is unlikely you will be seeing them soon. After the baby is born maybe you can send them a pic of the new family to let them know they have a grandchild - see how things go from now till then - its a ways off.

Answer 4

Hard situation - if you keep the child away there will be some part of you that feels guilty (if you didn't care you would not have asked the question). But I have a question for you - do you really want to go through with your pregnancy without your mother? A lot of time the child will help heal this problem. When you get preg if I were you I would call your parents and let them know and have him call his and let them know. If you continue to do the right things you will have nothing to regret later!

Answer 5

It sounds like you did the right thing moving away. You do need to build up a support system of friends who also are having children so you don't feel isolated. Can you find a good, loving church family to be involved in? There are lots of churches with growing young families where you can get close friends and also be mentored by older parents. Sometimes, it's true, we haven't been parented ourselves very well but we have to learn good parenting skills ourselves so we don't repeat what happened to us.

Answer 6

I think you should tell them, for a couple of reasons. First of all, it's kind of rude not to. Second of all, (like you said) they're going to find out anyway and when they do it's not going to be pretty. Third of all, if they find out that you're pregnant, maybe they'll change. Maybe after you tell them that you're pregnant but you don't want them to be a part of it then maybe they'll think about all the stress they have caused you and decide they need to change if they want to be a part of their grandchildren's lives. Just do what you think is best for you and your kids.

Answer 7

first of all i know how you feel about the in-laws.....i really dont like my mil.....but you should probably tell them you are having a baby....but also tell them if they want to be a part of the babys life they have to be civil and just accept the fact that u r grown and can be with the person u want to be with....if they cant visit u without arguing and being rude to your husband and causing u all stress then they shouldnt come to see u

Answer 8

Do what you want. I'd tell them just because I know they'd hate it. Thats just me though. See the same thing happened when me and my hubby got married. My parents already hated him, and his parents were stuck up our *** so when his family moved to MO we've had a great relationship ever since. And both our families couldn't stand it when we told them we were pregnant again.

Answer 9

That's rough. I would say that you and your husband are your own family, and if your parents on both sides cause that much hatred and drama in your house. It would be better for you and your children, if they continue to be un-involved. It is tragic that they will miss out on this joyous part of your life, but it sounds like they brought it on themselves. Good luck..

Answer 10

I think you should definitely tell them. You wouldn't want your kids to do that to you. Tell them and all the rest will work itself out. Who knows, this might be what is needed to bring you all together. Best wishes and good luck!