I'm elaborating a bit on HELP!!Please.....?

Question

Yes he does "misplace things" and sneak out when possible....He has been with us about 3 years. He has had counseling (we) with the school. He keeps promising he is going to do better and never does. He is very lazy!!We stay on him to clean his room and after himself.Right after he first moved in with us he was suspended from school.His dad told him to do some chores. He wanted to do other things.He started out and I grabbed his arm to keep him from going out (I had told him not to leave).He draws back as if he is going to hit me with his fist.Boy did all hell break loose then.The school and family has tried everything to help him!!He just doesn't have a care in the world.We even caught him smoking in BED!!A BIG NO!!NO!!He take things from his brother without asking,he's been in our room going throuh our things. I'm so tired of going throuh this hell!!I've only scratched the surface with details of what goes on here!!His dad does "try" to get through to him...but idontthinkanthingwill

Answer 1

How did he get this way? How did he learn that he could behave this way and get away with it? What are the consequences when he does? If dad tells him to do chores there is no wanting to do something else, he just does it.

take things away from him, strip his room completely until he has nothing but a pillow and a blanket and tell him the only way he'll get it back is to straighten up and behave. put locks on every door in the house so he can't be anyplace he's not supposed to be. make him earn every single little thing he has. yes its extreme but you are in an extreme situation and this boy needs taken back to ground zero and started all over again.

search him if he's smoking in bed, if he doesn't have cigarettes he can't smoke them. and he has no place in his room to hide things because its been stripped. and let them know that he has proven himself to be untrustworthy so this is what he earned for himself. trust me you do this and this kid is going in to shock and saying oh hec they really are serious this time. and STICK TO IT! everyday, all day, NO BREAKS and NO SHORT CUTS.

let him sneak out some night, then lock everything up while he's gone, when he gets back he can't get in and spends a couple of miserable nights out in the cold he'll think twice, not to mention realize that he's not fooling anyone. are there curfews for teens in your town? call the police on him when he sneaks out. this boy wants to act like a criminal so start treating him like one.

let him know there WILL be severe consequences and be on him like a drill sargeant! he does it because he can and nobody is really doing anything to stop him. sure they yell at him but what does he care? it is hard work and takes a lot of time to straighten out a kid like this.

he starts really losing things and he'll adjust his attitude. you MUST do this or this kid is going to be messed up the rest of his life.

if he won't take care of his things he doesn't get to have any things! and i mean nothing, give him one pair of socks, one pair of underwear, on pair of jeans and a tshirt AND THATS IT. make him 'check out' anything else he might want to wear from you.

its really that simple, my rule was i picked it up once, after that it was obviously something you didn't care about so it goes in the trash, needless to say i didn't have to pick up after my boys. think of it this way, you are doing him no favors by NOT raising the bar, by not demanding better of him, how will he ever learn to expect better of himself if nobody else does? if you let him get away with this he figures you don't think he can be any better so why bother? reward him and notice when he does well. good luck this can be done but whatever you do don't give up on the kid if you do who will there be that doesnt? not to mention he won't have any reason to not give up on himself. tell him you are doing it because you know he can be better he just needs some help getting there. so far he's been taught that he doesn't have to be, its time for a new lesson plan!

Answer 2

Boot camp or boarding school for troubled youth. Get him out of the house ASAP!!!!!!!!!!!
You are risking your other son. As a mom of three, I understand your need to try to handle this situation at home and with school...you NEED professionals to step in here. Never ever think that you necessarily know more that the experts...how could we? I am sorry this chaos is happening to your family...but if he is hell-bent on destroying himself, don't let him take the whole family down with him. Good luck.

Answer 3

affected by split families? put yourself in his shoes. i'm guessing he doesn't care because he doesn't think anything will go right for him. he's mad at his situation and could care less what you want him to do. rather than telling him what to do, try being a friend. delegating will only make him rebel. find something he has a passion for and get involved with him.

Answer 4

Can't help somebody that don't want your help. Counseling and or moving in with a sympathic relative, if they understands and he wants to go. Big brother might be of help.

Answer 5

sounds like you have a big problem on your hands...have you had him tested of ADHD or ADD? It sounds to me as though there might be a bigger problem here than just behavioral issues....this could be caused by a medical condition or chemical imbalance...

Answer 6

You dont need advice you need boot camp... you've already tried all the trix next time he acts up call the cops

Answer 7

It sounds like he needs more help than you (and your huge heart, God Bless you) can give him.

As much as you want love to get through to him, he needs more than that.

if you have any option for another place for him to live, or boarding school, take it. For his sake, as well as yours.

Answer 8

How old is he? Let him learn the hard way. wait until he gets into the real world.

Answer 9

Put his @ss in boot camp! He'll regret he did all that.

Answer 10

i dont understand.