i love jokes give me ur best joke?

Answer 1

Knock Knock
Who is there ?
Ya
YA HOO
Thats 12 points

Answer 2

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says shes going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.
The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Mercedes Benz SL 500. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank. She has the title, and everything checks out.
The bank agrees to accept the car collateral for the loan. The banks president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $110,000 Benz as collateral against a $5,000 loan.
An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Benz into the banks underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the blonde returns. She repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.
The loan officer says, Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire.
What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?
The blonde replies, Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?
Finally, a smart blonde joke. ;-)

Answer 3

What's the matter, didn't like my sailor-goes-into-a- psychiatrist's-office-with-a- pelican-on-his-head joke...?

Okay, here's another. (From 'The Killing Joke.')

There are two guys living in a mental institution and the decide they don't like it there any more, so there are going to escape. So they hide until after 'lights out' and go up the stairs, all the way to the roof.

There before them, spread out so they can see, are the lights of the city. There is another building the same size right next to the mental institution. If they can just get across the alley to the other roof, they can go down the stairs and into the city. They will be free!

So one of them takes a tremendous running jump and lands on the other roof, safe. "Cone on," he tells his friend. "It's easy!"

But the other guy is afraid, He can't do it.

So the first guy says to him,"Listen. I have my flashlight with me. I'll turn it on and lay it down on the edge of this roof. The beam will reach across to the roof you're on, and you can walk across on the beam!"

But the second guy says, "I'd have to be CRAZY to do that! YOU'D turn it OFF when I was halfway across!"

Second joke (from Watchmen.)

Man goes to doctor. Says he is depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain.

Doctor says "Treatment is simple. Great clown Paggliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him, that should pick you up. "

Man bursts into tears, says, "But doctor, I am Paggliacci!"

Good joke. Everybody laugh. Roll on snare drum. Curtains.

Third joke (from Insults for All Occasions)

When he asked her to marry him, it was a great weight off his chest-- her father and three brothers.

Answer 4

Two old ladies were outside their nursing home, having a smoke, when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end and put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking.

Lady 1: What's that?
Lady 2: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Lady 1: Where did you get it?
Lady 2: You can get them at any drugstore.

The next day, Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.

The guy, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely she is, after all, over 80 years of age, but very delicately asks what brand she prefers.

Lady 1: Doesn't matter son, as long as it fits a Camel.

The pharmacist fainted

Answer 5

A blond calls her boyfriend and cries, "I wanted to do a puzzle but I can't figure it out will you come over and help me?" So The boyfreind leaves his apartment on woodword an drive east to jefferson take a michigan left and goes to shook road get on I 94 and then gets off at M-59, He then goes down to M-59 over to Van dyke, He gets to her place finally and walks in He doesnt see the puzzle yet its in the kitchen. He asks" okay honey what is this puzzle suppose to be of?" " A tiger" she replies, and walks him in to the kitchen. The Boyfriend says "lets clean up the frosted flakes"

Ba-da-dum

Answer 6

Six Double Vodkas

A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman "Give me six double vodkas."

The barman says "Wow! You must have had one hell of a day."

"Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay."

The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today, he said, "I just found out that my younger brother is gay, too!"

On the third day, the guy came into the bar and ordered six double vodkas.

The bartender says, "Geez! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"

"Yeah, my wife..."

Answer 7

A terrible very old woman was sitting alone with her cat, polishing a dusty old lamb she’d found in the attic, when a genie popped out and offered her three wishes. Thinking quickly, she said. “I like to be rich. I’d like to be young and beautiful again. And I like my cat to turn into a beautiful young and handsome prince.” There was a puff of smoke and she found herself young and glamorous, surrounded by riches. The cat had disappeared, and a gorgeous prince stood besides her, holding out his arm. She melted into his embrace. “Now,” he whispered softly in her ear, aren’t you sorry you had me neutered?”

Answer 8

it's called who died the worst death

Three men stand before St. Peter awaiting admission into Heaven. However, St. Peter has been informed that Heaven will only admit 33% of applicants today. The admissions standard: Who died the worst death? So, St. Peter takes each of the three men aside in turn and asks them about how they died.

First man: "I'd been suspecting for a long time that my wife was cheating on me. I decided to come home early from work one afternoon and check to see if I could catch her in the act. When I got back to my apartment, I heard the water running. My wife was in the shower. I looked everywhere for the guy, but couldn't find anyone or any trace that he had been there. The last place I looked was out on the balcony.

I found the bastard hanging from the edge, trying to get back in! So I started jumping up and down on his hands, and he yelled, but he didn't fall. So I ran inside and got a hammer, and crushed his fingers with it until he fell twenty-five floors screaming in agony. But the fall didn't kill the asshole. He landed in some bushes! So I dragged the refirgerator from the kitchen (it weighed about a ton), pulled it to the balcony, and hurled it over the edge. It landed right on the guy and killed him. But then I felt so horrible about what I had done, I went back into the bedroom and shot myself."

St. Peter nodded slowly as the man recounted the story. Then, telling the first man to wait, he took the second aside.

Second man: "I lived on the twenty-seventh floor of this apartment building. I had just purchased this book on morning exercises and was practicing them on my balcony, enjoying the sunshine, when I lost my balance and fell off the edge. Luckily, I only fell about two floors before grabbing another balcony and holding on for dear life. I was trying to pull myself up when this guy came running onto what must have been his balcony and started jumping up and down on my hands. I screamed in pain, but he seemed really irate. When he finally stopped, I tried to pull myself up again, but he came out with a hammer and smashed my fingers to a pulp! I fell, and I thought I was dead, but I landed in some bushes. I couldn't believe my second stroke of luck, but it didn't last. The last thing I saw was this enormous refrigerator falling from the building down on top of me and crushing me."

St. Peter comforted the man, who seemed to have several broken bones. Then he told him to wait, and turned to the third man.

Third man: "Picture this. You're hiding, naked, in a refrigerator..."

Answer 9

What 1 word can clear a room filled with people the fastest?



FIRE!

Answer 10

Here are a few for ya: What dose a woman do with her a s shole during sex?.....leaves him at home with the kids......why was tigger looking in the toilet?.....searching for pooh....lol

Answer 11

This is my best joke:

There was this boy name Joey who had a dog name Butch and Joey friend name was Sam.

One day Joey, his dog and Sam was walking down the street, Joey said, "Hey Sam do you want to see what trick Butch can do"?. Yes, said Sam.
Ok, Butch show Sam you can talk.
Bow, said Butch. Bow, what any dog can say that!!!!!!!!!!

"No, No, No, I mean bow down to me", said Butch.