My 5 year Old is stealing and lying about it how do I nip it in the bud?

Question

Recent behavior has not been good he is asking for candy and then after being denied he pocketed the goods and lied about taking it. Today it was a toy from his preschool. Any ideas?

Answer 1

Please don't abuse by locking in closet or whipping. You want your children to respect you not fear you. Use items he enjoys as punishment when he behaves in anyway other than what's desirable. It's hard to punish when in the store, I know! So don't. Check all pockets prior to checkout or even periodically through the store. If you find nothing, praise him. Tell him how proud you are that he hasn't taken anything. If you find something tell him in a matter of fact tone that when you get home he will have a 5 min. timeout and pick an item that will get taken away. Try not to allow too much emotion, kids learn to feed on it! :-) If you must show emotion let it be dissapointment rather than anger. For lying I have just used the time-out method. Even if you decide not to use this advice please remember to FOLLOW THROUGH with whatever punishment you say to your children that you are going to use.

Answer 2

5 or 6 is the age where they asert their independence from your authority.

I told my son that he could not have a video from the video store because he already has it and lost somewhere amid all of the 350 videos he already has at home. He walked out of the store with it anyway. Well the alarm didn't go off and when we got outside I noticed he had it in his hands hiding it behind his back.

I didn't get angry, I didn't say a word. I took him back into the store and I made him explain to the store clerk what he did and then asked HIM if HE felt that it was wrong and why.

You have to make someone believe that it is their idea and their morality in order for it to work. He knew what he did when he was doing it but he tested the waters to see what I was going to do and the LAST thing ANYONE want's to have to endure is embarassment and having to admit what they did especially to a stranger.

I never prompted him, I never asked him what he did or told him... I never called it stealing or anything else. I let him tell it. and if he tried to say that it was anything else, THEN I would have corrected him.

He apologized, and as a reward for being honest. I let him get the video after all explaining that I still didn't agree with what he did but that honesty is what we reward.

He never did it again... and now he want's to be a police man when he grows up. (which I hope changes) but it is a good start.

Remember... You are actually the one who is smarter and don't get angry. As soon as you lose your temper, you lose the argument. Even with a 5 year old.

Answer 3

This is a tough situation, but at 5 years old I think he's ready to feel the consequences for his actions. If he took the candy from the store you should have taken him back to customer service and made him give the candy back, and made him apologize for taking it. Same goes for the toy from preschool. Make him take it back to his teacher and apologize. Stand there for an hour if that's what it takes. He'll learn the hard way.

Answer 4

I would make him go to whoever it was and say he was sorry first of all if he has not ate it then make him give it back. The toy he should have to take the toy and give it back himself just like the candy he did the crime he has to correct it. then tell him that stealing is bad and that he will have to have a time out and tell him why stealing is wrong and what would happen to people who do it. but making him give things back and saying he is sorry can be an answer everytime he does it make sure he is the one to hand it over to that person and tell him that he is sorry for what he did. You didnt do the crime so dont do it for your child.

Answer 5

Assuming you've already tried to clarify the difference between stealing and buying something, telling the truth and lying, a spanking worked wonders for me when I was in that stage. Never stole again, and never will knowing that my dad will to this day bend me over his knee and whoup my rear. Stealing is definitly a spank-worthy behavior, and it's an excellent deterrant.

Answer 6

Take him to where ever he is stealing from and turn him in...the confrontation ought to scare him straight...It worked when my mom did it to me...apparently I was quite the little candy clepto when I was little...she walked me right back into thrifty's called the manager and made me give all the candy back. An angry mommy is a whole lot different than having to explain to a stranger why you took something that didn't belong to you....I never did it again...

Answer 7

Show him that it is wrong.....take a cherished toy from his room and when he looks for it, tell him you don't have it. Then wait a few minutes and tell him you "stole" it and then you lied about it. Ask him how he feels when someone takes his things, and ask him how it feels to be lied to. By letting him experience these things, he will see how it feels and understand why it is wrong. Do not do it with a vengeance - be compassionate about it.

Answer 8

Take him back to the place that he took the item from, even if you don't discover it until you get home. Then make him give the item back and apologize for taking it. You shouldn't have to do it more than once or twice before he's embarrassed enough to get it. Don't feel too bad yourself either, lots of us have children who go through that clepto stage.

Answer 9

U make think this sounds hard,but it worked for me. I had to take my son to the police stations and for him to talk to a police officer to let him no that it was not right from to lie or steal. I tried to talk to him myself but it didn't work,so i did what i told u and it worked

Answer 10

This behaivor is hard to deal with and is common in young children. I feel the best thing to do is have them give it back and apologize to the person it was taken from. Then take something from your child they like and ground them from it. Have them earn it back.