He's 23, I'm 20, and I'm transferring to a 4-year college. We're not going to stay together when I move because I don't want a long-distance relationship. It's always been my dream to move away for college, and I finally get to do it, after two years of community college. I only met him a year ago but he's already decided he's "madly in love" with me and wants to be with me for the rest of his life. He cried sooo hard all night long, saying that I'm getting what I want no matter what (college), but he can't get what he wants no matter what (to be with me forever). I'm having horrible feelings of guilt for putting him through this, and I don't know if I'm strong enough to go through another horrible night like that. I'd so greatly appreciate any advice! Thank you.
2006-07-18 08:03:07 · 14 answers · asked by dandelion86 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
He loves this small piece of crap town we live in and never wants to leave. I hate it and can't wait to get out.
2006-07-18 08:08:35 · update #1
Regardless of his feelings, he is being selfish...but most likely doesn't realize this.
You're following your dream, and goals, and he should be supportive, regardless of his loss.
The crying is a nice touch, but the guilt he inspires is a BIG no-no. That's MANIPULATION. With that said, RUN. Do not respond to manipulation...it won't do either of you any good.
Good luck, babe. Get A's!!!!
2006-07-18 08:10:42 · answer #1 · answered by tat2me1960 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is sad, but didn't he know this was your dream when you met him? If so, then he can't cry about it because he knew all along. Now if you just sprung the whole idea on him yesterday it is a little more understandable. Go to college, the education will last forever, boyfriends certainly come and go and if you change your life and give up your dreams to be with this one and it doesn't work out where will you be then? You will spend your entire life regretting it and end up resenting him.
If you can't take another night like that then tell him if he's going to act that way you can't see him anymore starting NOW, not in a few weeks. Tell him he has two choices, enjoy the time you have left or stop spending time together now. Also, this isn't LOVE, when someone loves you they want the very, very best for your life, regardless of what it means to their life, they want your success and happiness even if it does mean leaving them behind. Real love isn't a selfish thing and whatever he feels is definitely a selfish emotion. Plus if you let him manipulate and guilt you in to staying that will start a pattern and as long as you are with him he will try to manipulate you. Good luck at college, don't worry he really WILL get over it.
2006-07-18 08:13:59 · answer #2 · answered by dappersmom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Same thing happened to me. You need to go to college and see whats out there. I was with a girl before I left for college and we broke up when I left. After being in school for a while, I realized that she's not what I wanted. Then, I met another girl who made me absolutely happy. If I wouldn't have left, I never would have met her. College has been the best time of my life, and I would do it all over again if I could. From now until you leave, it might be a little rough with your boyfriend. But when you arrive at school, things will get better quickly. You're young, do what you want to do and do what makes you happy. If you do that, you'll never go wrong. Good luck to you.
2006-07-18 08:10:21 · answer #3 · answered by volcmstar 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey I just stumble on tour question and I think ur boyfriend is right! U get what u want from any college so I think u should try to enrole in a closer more suitable college. Unless u r not really into the guy then it wouldn't matter, but since u feel bad about it I'd think u r into him an should to make ur relationship work since u haven't stated that he has abused u in anyway!!
2006-07-18 08:16:30 · answer #4 · answered by hypesuga_4lyphe 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow. thats so sad. i can understand why u feel so bad about it. but at least he supports u. well maybe u could just get him to move with you. or a little bit closer to where u will be if u dont want to break up. or when u have a small vacation go to see him as much as possible. if it were me i would try my hardest not to do anything to break that sweet man's heart. now that would be too hard for me to leave him. but if u can do it, just try to make ur plans fit with his so u can be together. maybe u should try a long distance relationship. what could it hurt. if u really care about this dude then maybe u should at least try to make it work.
2006-07-18 08:12:24 · answer #5 · answered by Miss Carlino 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This happened to me. Think of it this way, if he loved you so much, he'd be more than happy that you get to live out your dreams. Please, please, please don't fall into his emotional blackmail, 'cause that's what it is, and if he sees that it works once,he'll try it again in any given situation. It's not cause he's mean and calculating, mind you; he does this subconsciously. Stay very calm, even though he's hysterical, tell him you'll resume your talking when he calms down. When (and if) that happens, state your points logically and calmly, don't insult him or start a crying fit yourself. Suggest that he get some professional help, because honestly he needs it. In the end, he, as well as you, will move on.
In my own experience, my ex even threatened suicide. I always felt so guilty, until I decided not to take it anymore. Of course he didn't kill himself.
2006-07-18 08:17:11 · answer #6 · answered by cleo715 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do what is best for you and if he really loves you like he says he does, he can wait. Remember you have your life to live and you don't want to regret this one day. Your education will last you a lifetime, but he may not. Know that this guy might be the one for you and if you are meant to be he will wait, but what if he is not the one and you sacrifice something so valuable for nothing?
2006-07-18 08:09:43 · answer #7 · answered by Contesta 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Doesn't sound like you want to be with him...
Maybe you should break things off with him becuase that is probably the direction that it will go in when you get to school.
Lots of guys there to choose from.
Tell him to grow a pair and stop obsessing like a little girl.
There are lots of fish in the sea and your both young!
2006-07-18 08:12:52 · answer #8 · answered by LordzAbove 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like codependency:
Symptoms of Codependency:
* Inability to know what "normal" is.
* Difficulty in following a project through.
* Difficulty having fun.
* Judging self, others without mercy.
* Low self esteem, often projected onto others. (eg: Why don't they get their act together!)
* Difficulty in developing or sustaining meaningful relationships.
* Belief that others cause or are responsible for the codependent's emotions.
(Codependents often use language like "you make me feel ______", or "I was made to feel like____")
* Overreacting to change. (or intense fear of / inability to deal with change.)
* Inability to see alternatives to situations, thus responding very impulsively.
* Constantly seeking approval and affirmation, yet having compromised sense of self.
* Feelings of being different.
* Confusion and sense of inadequacy.
* Being either super responsible or super irresponsible. (Or alternating between these.)
* Lack of self confidence in making decisions, no sense of power in making choices.
* Feeling of fear, insecurity, inadequacy, guilt, hurt, and shame which are denied.
* Isolation and fear of people, resentment of authority figures.
* Fear of anger or bottling anger up till it explodes.
* Hypersensitivity to criticism.
* Being addicted to excitement / drama. (Chaos making.)
* Dependency upon others and fear of abandonment.
* Avoidance of relationships to guard against abandonment fears.
* Confusion between love and pity.
* Tendency to look for "victims" to help.
* Rigidity and need to control.
* Lies, when it would be just as easy to tell the truth.
2006-07-18 08:16:46 · answer #9 · answered by ntoriano 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
fellow your dreams if he wants to be with you he will be ok when your done with college and let him cry that's a good way to get over things i want to move away for college also and my doesn't agree but he'll have to accept it
2006-07-18 08:08:34 · answer #10 · answered by ♥*♥Bahamian Gal♥*♥ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋