Why do Americans call everyone by their Surname? Does anyone else think it sounds condescending?

Question

It drives me crazy working for an US firm that everyone talks about each other using their surname...Is this polite or am I being too fussy?

Answer 1

I can understand why you may feel it is a bit impolite when someone who you don't deal with or communicate with outside of work, calls you by your surname.
It is easy to find it offensive and a bit irksome since the mood that is given off by being referred to by your surname has a bit of a patronizing or condescending tone to it, especially if said by someone you don't share some sort of comfort level with (like a close friend).
I would simply just tell your co-worker in a half serious, half joking (to be sure to not make things so awkward in the work environment) kind of approach if they wouldn't mind calling you by your first name next time.That's what it's there for, right? Besides, not all work environments refer to people by their surnames, and just because yours does, it does not mean you have to conform to how they address people if you're not comfortable with it.

Take it easy..

Answer 2

I think it could seem a bit uncomfortable if you aren't used to it. However, I think when you are dealing with another culture you should give some allowances. For instance, I cannot STAND to be called Ma'am. I'm from the northern states and usually the only time people would call someone Ma'am is if they were being uppity or if they were trying to reason with some unreasonable woman in a strict ways. Like, 'Ma'am, you need to calm down.' So when I moved to the southern states and it was more a sign of respect it still irritated me like fingernails down the chalk board and sounded rude and nasty to me. Even when they were smiling and saying, 'Ma'am, step right this way, please.' My hackles stand on end. However, I'm in a different culture now, despite being in the same country. So, I just tolerate it because they aren't being rude, they're just different. It would be rude of me to turn around and be like, 'Don't call me Ma'am.' even if I said it very very nicely.

I wouldn't feel comfortable being called by my last name. It's long and clunky. If I had a nice short smooth last name that I liked, I wouldn't mind it. However, I have never been in a long term professional situation.I think only big important businesses, cops, military, state agencies and maybe sports do the calling each other by the last name.

They do it in cop shows all the time. Like in the Mentalist, one of their team members is named Patrick Jane. They don't call him Patrick, or Pat, or Mr. Jane or anything like that. They just call him Jane. Which I imagine, if it weren't a fictional situation, might make a man feel uncomfortable. Are you a guy with an excessively feminine last name? That would probably make the situation different, I'm sure the guys at your company would understand then. Like if your last name is Rose or something and you're a butch guy, it might make you uncomfortable to have people calling you 'Rose' all the time. ^.^

Anyway, no, you aren't being fussy, you're just from a different culture, however, I definitely suggest you just deal with it since you are in their culture now. If you ask them to make an acception for you, you risk alienating your co-workers.

P.S. please forgive me if I misspelled some things or used some wrong words. I'm having a hell of a day! I actually caught myself writing 'shoes' instead of 'shows', yikes.

Answer 3

I am American and no one has ever called me by my surname unless a Ms. was in front of it. I have heard men call each other their surnames but they were police officers or in the military. I don't think this is the rule for civilians. perhaps it is just the culture of this organization.

Answer 4

In America we find it rather rude to refer to people by their first name if you don't know them. I find it funny that you are indicating that to you it is rude to use the last name. Yeah we are a different sort. Actually though were I work we usually refer to each other by the first name, but at a larger company it is a different story. It was already pointed out that this cuts down on the confusion. Seriously though I wouldn't walk up to someone I just met and say hey and give the first name when I haven't been told to. Yeah we introduce each other by the first name, but respect is the LAST name. First name is on the personal/friendly terms.

Answer 5

You're probably being too fussy. Each culture has its own..., welll, culture. It's like food, where Asians can eat foods Americans would find disgusting. It doesn't mean it's wrong. It's just different. If you can't handle it, perhaps you should've thought of that before moving to the United States.

Answer 6

I think it depends on how and where you were raised. I have always referred to most people by their surname unless they ask to be called by the first name. I don't think you are being fussy, it just depends on your circumstances and environment.

Answer 7

You are too fussy and you speak in hyperboles.

ALL Americans do not ALL people by their surname.

You speak in extremes. Americans could criticize you for that!

Answer 8

You are being fussy. It keeps down the questions "You mean Jim in Accounting or Jim in Engineering?" The Military does the same as it is easier to remember last names and the fact that they have their last name above their pocket.

Answer 9

I think it is very common to be simply referred to by your surname, specifically in the Middle East and parts of Asia. You are simply called by your surname, no Mr in front of it.

No big deal.

Answer 10

You're being too fussy. When in Rome do as the Romans do. Americans are proud of their families and don't see it as condescending....