girls what do you think?

Question

i dated this guy off and on for 3 years we got pregnant and he was unfaithful and deceitful. and for a year now hes wanted to date me again and start a family... but hes still really imature. his son is 7 months when he takes off on a trip with his family for 2.5 months, comes back and wants his son to stay over night... i feel that the father has been gone too long and hes not familiar enough to stay over night without his mother... and in another two days the dad will be leaving again for another 3 weeks... am i being overprotective or is my discomfort merited?

Answer 1

Reynwater hit that nail on the head!

Honey that boy is not a father. He's just a little boy with a toy he occasionally wants to play with. DON'T let him. A baby is not a toy and at his age he needs his mother. Get full custody. Allow him to see his child at your convenience and see how long he thinks this is fun. I suspect soon he may just disappear out of this child's life forever. Maybe that sounds a little heartless, but better while your son is so young and won't remember than later when it will really hurt to lose him.

To put it simply, if he is still immature and irresponsible at this stage of his life it is very unlikely he will ever change.

Another thing to consider, if your son is allowed to grow up under his guidance and influence he may turn out very much like him. I definitely like his chances with you much better. You've already shown your maturity and most of all your love for your son.

Answer 2

a DAY visit should be in order but, tell this guy a father should not jump in and out of his kids life. Weeks feels very long to a baby. MONTHS even longer. I always belive the kid should see the absent parent. He has no grounds to keep the baby all night.He has not been with the baby to know what he dose and dose not like and how he sleeps. If he EVER wants all night visit that should start with seeing him several times a week then working towards all nights. The kid needs to see him on a regular schedual before he stays all night. If he is going to be gone weeks at a time he has to relise the effect that will have on his kid. He sounds to young to be a dad but, he wants to try. Hopefully he'll relise being a Dad is better then spending weeks away from his kid.

Answer 3

Girl I know what you are going through, When my son was 4 months old his dad and i broke up and he didn't see him until he was about 6-8 months (off and on), & he didn't even remember him. And then when my son was about 11-12 months old me and his dad got back together and started to get used to him, but even now that my son is 2 yr. old he is still uncomfortable being with dad without me, It is like all of that time he wasted and now he can never get it back. Even though he is a good dad doesn't mean that you child knows that, all he knows is you, and he doesn't want anybody else. Your feeling are natural because i still to this day can't leave my son with anybody, not only his dad but the rest of the family too. the only one i am most comfortable leaving him with is my mom. You do what you think is right for your baby and most importantly do what is right for YOU!!!!!!!!

Answer 4

I would not let this man keep my baby over night. Even if he is the father. The baby doesn't know him and maybe after visits with you there after a while then maybe I would have the baby stay at his house overnight. I would watch my babys' cues.

This man doesn't seem very responsible. I am not saying he shouldn't see his baby or you shouldn't allow him to see his baby. Ofcourse he should see his child but in my opinion he certainly has not earned a sleep over yet.

Tell him when he becomes more responsible you will put it up on the shelf to think about but up until then you just simply do n ot feel comfortable with it and you don't want to upset your child because the plain truth is the child does not know this person. Father or not.

Answer 5

My advice would be: make sure your son knows his father when he is in town. However letting him spend the night - you're right he doesn't know him and it may not be comforting to your son. However - maybe he can spend then night at your house (in separate rooms if that's what you want). And then he can get to know his father. If the father is making an attempt to get to know his son then you go girl !! There are alot of men who do not take responsiblity for their kids. Even if you feel negative about the whole thing - think what's best for your son.

Answer 6

He definitely needs time to build a relationship with the baby before taking him for an overnight. The baby is right at the age when seperation anxiety starts. I'd let dad take him for a short outing but not an overnight.

Answer 7

Crikey! I'd go mad if my partner did that! I wouldn't go near him if I were you. Keep well away from him. Don't allow your son to stay with him just before he goes away for 3 wks otherwise he might end up taking him with him without your permission! He isnt allowed to just take him for that long, especially if you are the main guardian of your son! I'd tell him that if he even so much as thought of doing that again, I'll go to the authorities!! I bet he won't do it then!

Answer 8

Hi,

I am a father myself, and can tell you this guy does not understand much about infants. To care for a child takes a lot of dedication and getting used to. Do you think he will wake up in the middle of the night to feed this baby or clean him up ?

I think you need to help this guy wake up from his dream world !!

Answer 9

definaely merited!
if i were you, i would only allow supervised visits. someone that is so immature and irresponsible should not be left alone with a baby. you need to keep your baby's best interests in mind. whatever else you do, do not have more children with this man. i don't understand why his family is not encouraging him to be more involved with baby.

Answer 10

no you are not being overprotected. your son does not know him, and it will scare him being away from you with a stranger. dont allow it. if he wants to be a part of the childs life then he needs to do it gradually with you there, or the child will get scared.