I am getting married this week-end and I still have a major crush on one of the groomsman who I haven't seen in 3 years. I don't know if I should try to talk to him and get "closure" or just ignore it. It is just a crush and I would never act on it put we do have a history and never really ended things, just drifted apart. I don't want to make a fool out of myself so please, advise??
2006-07-18 07:18:09 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Geez, I'm getting married cause I love this guy! I am a grown up and I just wanted to know if "closure" was a good idea. It isn't really important and I haven't seen this guy in 3 years and we have both moved on with out own lives. So, I am ready for marriage. I take it very seriously and wouldn't get married if I didn't think he was "the one"
2006-07-18 08:41:00 · update #1
I think it is normal when you get close to your wedding day or even far out to start mulling over past relationships...not that you want anything out of it but your mind will wander. Then to put on top of that the person who is slipping into your mind is not only going to be attending your wedding but will be a groomsman. This is quite a situation but it doesn't have to be one. In my opinion a few different things can happen...
1. You talk to this guy for "closure" and end up not getting out of it what you thought you would and not that old things will rehash but...you may make yourself even more crazy about it and spend the time you should be thinking of your husband to be thinking about this mess.
2. You talk to this guy and he may think you're a nut for even bringing it up and then you will feel very foolish.
3. You keep it to yourself
If it were me I would keep it to myself, the last thing you want to do is make anyone feel uncomfortable. How horrible would you feel if your husband to be found out...what if the tables were turned and you found out your husband tried to get "closure" with one of your bridesmaids? I would be really hurt by that if it were me. Since you don't have feelings for this person I would just zip it and the day of the wedding be polite and thank him for his support for both you and your husband and keep it to a minimum, to be honest I wouldn't even dance with him. Especially if anyone at the reception knows of your history it could cause unwanted gossip. Maybe you can write a letter with everything you feel you need to say to get your closure. After you are done, read it to yourself out loud (alone of course) a few times and then burn it.
Good Luck :)
2006-07-19 06:28:20 · answer #1 · answered by kami m 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Since your husband (or you?) have chosen this man as one of the groomsmen, this man must be "okay" by your husband--that is, your husband feels safe around this man.
I have a wild idea; I'm not sure it's the best idea, but here goes:
If your husband is very forgiving, not too jealous, and has a great sense of humor, tell him what you told us. Tell him that you still feel some fondness for this guy--but you chose your husband, not him!--and you want to say a proper "goodbye" to him. Both of you choose some kind of goofy special gift to give to him--maybe a video about a woman choosing one guy over another, or a movie about letting go of an old love, like "Splendor in the Grass", or the episode of "Cheers" where Diane leaves. Put a note on it that says, "I'll always have fond memories of you. Have a good life." Then put this guy on your mind's back burner and concentrate on your husband!
(Note: make sure this gift won't embarrass that guy too much. Otherwise, fuggedaboudit!)
2006-07-18 14:35:23 · answer #2 · answered by MNL_1221 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing wrong with admiring someone of the opposite sex's appearance. We are all human and we all do it however if this is more than just a simple crush then you really do need to rethink this marriage. If its big enough for you to want to confront him just to get closure then you aren't in the right frame of mind to be committing to someone else for the rest of your life. The fact that he is a groomsmen also means that he is close with your fiance and the worst thing you could do would be going and reminding him of your fling just to have him go tell your fiance which is what any good friend should do. Either bury it and keep it to yourself or cancel your wedding.
2006-07-18 14:30:05 · answer #3 · answered by amyclay350 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't get married! Your not mature enough. Crushes typically go away as you grow up.
There is nothing to get closure on, closure should have come when you fell in love with your husband.
2006-07-18 14:23:16 · answer #4 · answered by heather k 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think this would cause all sorts of unnecessary grief. If you are marrying another man then that is the person you should be directing your affections at. Say a private goodbye to him but don't make it public knowledge, I think he would just think you are being foolish, and may possibly spoil your big day.
2006-07-19 08:19:22 · answer #5 · answered by sparkleythings_4you 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave it alone and when it comes to things like this think to yourself how would i feel if my fiance/husband did this to me?
2006-07-18 14:50:57 · answer #6 · answered by looking_4_answers 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with AmyClay- keep it to yourself or don't get married.
2006-07-18 14:32:40 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont get married.Wait till you are a grown up.
2006-07-18 14:26:39 · answer #8 · answered by Lilly K 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would get married if you love him and forget the other guy
2006-07-18 20:19:12 · answer #9 · answered by mylove 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just ignore it...focus you attention on your wedding...he is just a minor character in the show
2006-07-19 12:37:55 · answer #10 · answered by Library Eyes 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋