People who fail to RSVP.....?

Question

I've paid for the invites and the postage and put them in the mail. While I really need a final count for the party I am throwing (so that I can make sure I have enough food and drinks) I'm really irritated that I am probably going to have to track people down on my time and dime to get their answer. What ever happened to the common curtousey of a response? How do you deal with these people (most of which are family)?

I should clarify that the party is for my son's first birthday.

Answer 1

I do not go out of my way to be in contact with them after the RSVP.
The ones that I would talk to or know would talk to others I simply say in an every day conversation to remember to let me know.

Like for example if I send an invite to a cousin and I am on the phone talking to her mom (my aunt) about other things I might say "Hey do not forget to tell M to RSVP or at least let me know" Or even "Do you know if M is coming"
I do not go out of my way making endless phone calls and hours of time I do not have accommodating them.

Or now I might even send a bulk email out to my close friends and family just as a friendly reminder. That only takes a few minutes. But after that one time I do not do that anymore.

Just to use 100 as a base number. If I am expecting 100 people I always plan for 115 I would rather have left overs than not enough.

If it is family members or close friends that do this repetitively I start turning them away. They got the invite they got the RSVP. It is not my fault if they can not take two seconds to let me know SOMEHOW that they are coming. I have worked hard to plan an event and they need to work with me to make it successful.

Answer 2

I think it's because, lots of people like to keep their options open and don't want to commit. The day of the party, maybe they won't feel like going out, etc.

Problem is, if just one person did this each party, it's not a big deal--one person more or less doesn't matter. But if a bunch of people do this, it's a pain in the butt.

Recently I had a party, and up to about one day before, I still had 15-20 "maybe". Well, I had to plan as if they were all coming. That's a lot of extra food and drink.

One thing I have found a little bit helpful (altho it doesn't completely solve the problem) is using evites.com.

They will send reminders whenever you want. I think they usually send two reminders, but ou can set it up to do more. When you remind people, they are more likely to respond, and evites does it for you automatically--saves you some work.

Good luck, it's a pain in the butt, I know.

Answer 3

I know what you're saying cause my wedding is next month and many failed to respond on time. Same thing for the shower my family threw me last weekend. But that's life. We praise the fact that we're all different and you need to keep that in mind. It may seem rude to you that they have yet to respond but to some of those people, it's pure forgetfulness. Or even some may have not received the invitation.
They don't mean you any wrong. They have their own lives to deal with and your party may not seem as important to them as something more dramatic they are dealing with. Be understanding and call them to confirm over the phone of by e-mail. This issue is here for life so it's your job to get over it and move on to the calling stages. If they still don't respond, then consider them not coming but don't dwell or get angry. I'm sure you too may be guilty of procrastinating at least at one time in your life. They are your friends and family, see it like that. By the way courtesy belongs only to customer service reps. You can't expect common courtesy from everyone today.
And as for the person just before me who said they wouldn't go out of their way once the invitations are out, you're just being a sore loser. You don't know what their situation is and you would only hope that if you are dealing with a million things at once, someone would have the COURTESY to remind you too.

Answer 4

I have dealt with the same. Funny thing is if the shoe were on the other foot, my family would be climbing the walls, ringing the phone to know what's going on. It is irritating but what would be a good lesson sometime is to not over buy food/drinks & those that don't respond go thirsty & hungry as a result with explanation that no RSVP was received so you had no idea. Tacky I know!

Answer 5

Call them if they haven't responded by the deadline. If you don't get an answer, don't count them for food/drinks and consider they aren't coming. If you run out, tell them why.

If enough people ran out of food/drinks for parties instead of ordering extra for the 'just in casers' then rude people who didn't get dinner would start RSVP'ing again.

I had that happen a few times and learned quickly. Now if a no-responder shows at a party I greet them and say simply that I hadn't expected them and it's nice to see them and walk away to attend to my other polite guest. I ignore the rude guest completely. They don't get invited a second time.

Answer 6

Although some might consider this poor Etiquette, I place some addition wordage after or below RSVP "If you choose not to respond I will assume you choose not to accept my invitation. Food and Beverages will not be planned for you, so, to avoid embarrasment for both of us, please do not attend."

This statement tells all, family and others, they are not automatically planned for, or have an open invitation.

If they show up at your door, then do the hard thing and, turn them away. Disrespect must be tended too immediately and sternly. Allowing them entry only tells them you don't want or deserve respect and, will never get it.

Answer 7

There is nothing you can do. It will be almost impossible to get an exact count. The world has usually been this way. Assume only 10% of the nonresponders will show up if you don't want to track them down.

Answer 8

Thankfully, by the time i get married everyone will have email addresses.. quick free way to communicate with people. I can ask for a response a second time that way and then follow up with a phone call for the few people who don't respond by email.

Everyone checks their email. Colleges/businesses are making important memos/notices delivered only by email so it is becoming mandatory to check it.

Answer 9

Girl so funny you ask this because I'm giving my sister in law a baby shower and today is the RSVP response date..I sent these things out about 1 1/2 months ago..I have had only 2 response..Man doesn't that $hit piss you off..I just called my brother to tell him he better call them...

Answer 10

I feel your pain. I finally stopped asking for RSVPs because people never answer you anyway. Also, if you asked for RSVPs and people are not sure they can come they just say no, and then their plans change and they want to come but they dont because they didnt RSVP!!! SO...my new invitations say "come if you can"...that way I dont have to worry about it! Makes it harder to play hostess...especially if you cater it yourself, but it is a lot less stressful in the long run!