I just got married five months ago, and my husband is having a hard time relating to my son. My husband is a Christian who believes in spankings and whippings. My husband also came into the marriage with his five yr old son. I notice that my husband beats my four yr old son for things that HIS son has done and didn't get anything other than a warning about. My son tries to have conversations with my husband,and my husband acts disinterested, and aloof. Yesterday, my son went to hug his stepdad when he got home from work, and my husband acted as though he didn't see him, and as my son turned away I snapped. I asked him how could he not see my son trying to give him a hug? He just shugged his shoulders. The only time he talks to him is when he is threatening to whip him, telling him to clean his room, or telling him to get away from me and stop being a "mothers boy". He comes home anxious to know about any "bad things" that my son has done. I am walking around on pins and needles, help??
2006-07-18 06:38:40 · 50 answers · asked by candy0813 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
i have to take a break from trolling to answer this honestly: your husband is going to ruin your son's life, much the way my parents ruined mine.
get..away
give him a few chances, and if he hasn't made any progress in a month or two
DIVORCE HIS *** or threaten to leave
because your son will hate you forever if he ends up spending a lot of his childhood in that situation, he will end up emotionally unavailable, will fear that expressing his emotions makes him "weak", and a number of other things that turn young boys into absolutely monsters as teenage men
2006-07-18 06:45:03 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋
It seems u got into marriage with this man without knowing him really well. Did both of you discuss the presence of your children before marriage?. Your husband perhaps see your child as an outsider or the third person in your life and feel threatened. There is no reason for him to spank your 4 year old one when takes care of his own 5 year old son. I suggest you see a marriage counsellor and be open about any eventuality. You as a mother have do all in your means to bring up your son in the healthiest possible environ. You take divorce if every thing else to make your husband see reason fails. You can start your life afresh but your son depends entirely upon you.
2006-07-18 07:03:41 · answer #2 · answered by abhi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should leave him now. Your son should come first - yes, even before your husband. I can tell you now that no matter what you do, your husband is never going to change. I am not sure why women in general put their husbands first when they have a child from a previous marriage. LEAVE him or your son and you will be miserable. Even if he says he will change, men never do and he will always look as your son not being his and even jealous that you had him with someone else and will also never admit it. Good luck. I am a guy and already feel sorry for your son because I have a son and would kill for him because I love and care about him so much.
2006-07-18 06:49:02 · answer #3 · answered by NJ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your new husband needs counseling. If he comes home anxious to know about "bad things" your son has done, he's just looking for an excuse to beat him. The fact that he does not beat his own son or you is irrelevant.
His being a Christian has nothing to do with his belief in beatings. Why would you allow him to use his purported faith in God as an excuse to abuse your son? If you allow this to continue, you are an accessory to child abuse. Don't let him hurt your boy.
What you need to do, since you asked and I am now done having my little rant, is you need to tell your new husband that you do not approve of, will not permit, and will file charges for, any future physical punishment imposed on your son by him, and furthermore you will immediately file for divorce if he does not seek counseling for his anger management or jealousy issues. Something is driving his behavior, and until you get to the bottom of it, your son will never be safe alone in the house with your husband. The boy was in your life first, and you owe it to him to give him the best life you can - which does not include being whipped by his stepfather.
2006-07-18 06:45:29 · answer #4 · answered by zartsmom 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
only because I have gone through the same thing with my ex the only two things I can say to you are: 1) tell him you are going to make an appointment with a marriage/child counselor and that HE WILL go to it or you will leave him OR 2) get a divorce (no child should be put through that, he should not be getting spankings or whippings for doing or not doing things) and if your husband is a tru Christian he should not be laying a hand on that child of yours he should be sitting down with him and explaining the do and donts of things. Not too mention you said that your husbands childs is not being punished for anything, think of this is goin to get in the future. Your son is goin to grow up to hate this man and distance himself from you as well because of it, and will grow up to eventually think that he can ask the same way towards woman and or his children if he has any.
2006-07-18 06:45:37 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Christians do not believe in spankings and whippings without deliberate disobedience. We do not take our anger out on our children or punish them for something they did not do. It sounds like you did not sit down and discuss your parenting styles before you got married. It is not too late to go to marriage counseling through your church. They can give you ways to communicate to each other. You have to sit down with your husband and work this out because there is some other issue underlying here.
Your new husband is treating your son very badly. He is jealous and malicious towards him. As a mother, your first duty is to your son, not to your husband. Do not allow this abuse to continue. Leave if you must for the sake of your son. Pray for your husband and help him if he wants to be helped. If not you may want to reconsider your marriage situation.
Please understand that I am not a proponent of divorce, but you must protect your son, first and foremost. God bless.
2006-07-18 07:04:04 · answer #6 · answered by Sara B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your husband is a big jerk, your son should come before ANY man. Your husband does not have the right to treat a 5yo badly. You need to put your foot down, Your kids should be equal and if they are not, the releationship is not worth it. I would leave rather than let my son be treated like a second class citizen. He should be the most important person in your life. If you let people treat him badly, so will he, show your son how much you love him by confronting the stepdad.
2006-07-18 06:43:41 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let your husband know all the great things you son does and that you are very proud of your son. And I will let you know that if your husband uses the fact that he is a Christian and that is why he gives spankings let him know that no where in the bible does it talk about HITTING you children and you can always disipline without spankings. If you do not approve of his discipline you need to let him know that you do not want you child spanked and if he cannot do that then you will discipline him. If he still acts like your child only exists when he is acting up. Then you need to let him know that you care about you childs feelings and if he doesnt then counsiling is needed or something more. Hope this helps. Email me if you ever need to talk to someone about this. :)
2006-07-18 06:50:22 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you and your husband need to sit down and discuss guidelines on punishments. If you are not comfortable w/ spankings, then he needs to realize this. Also, if you know that your son is being punished for things HIS son did, then why are you not stepping in for your son and punishing the one that actually did wrong?
If he's doing anything past a whipping (which is a slap on the butt and NO WHERE else), though, it's abuse and it needs to be reported to the police. You owe it to your son to watch out for him and protect him, so either talk to your husband, insist on counseling, or something. It's got to end, though.
2006-07-18 06:45:50 · answer #9 · answered by Cassie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a dangerous situation for your son, no kid should be whipped!! I'd be furious over this. I would state in no uncertain terms that if your husband doesn't go for counseling the marriage is over, and if he raises a hand to that little boy again I would call Child Protective Services ASAP, warn him on that one now before irreperable harm is done to your childs psyche. Did you not discuss discipline before marriage? How long did you know this man before you married him? Good Luck to you and your son.
2006-07-18 06:45:04 · answer #10 · answered by Maria b 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You husband is a jerk. SHAME ON YOU for forcing your son to be around him! You should have found all this out before you got married!!! I find it hard to believe that he was a prince to your son. When he married you, he also married your son. If can't love and make both of you happy, it is time for a divorce. Act now or your son will resent and hate you for it later. He is old enough to remember all of this
2006-07-18 06:42:34 · answer #11 · answered by Mike Hunt 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋