Disciplining my 3 year old...I need help!?

Question

No matter what I do, nothing seems to work. We try putting him in the corner..NOPE, setting him on the couch...NOPE, taking toys away...NOPE. Does anyone have any suggestions on ways to discipline my child that are effective? If so, PLEASE let me know!

Answer 1

Did you try spanking? It works ya know. But only if you get an "I'm sorry cry", not the angry protest cry.

Answer 2

Time out is the best way. Make him sit in a corner (without any distractions or a way to watch tv) for 3 minutes. Use a timer/clock and show him that he has to stay there until the timer goes. If he doesn't want to stay in the corner, you just have to keep picking him up and putting him back. Don't say anything to him just keep doing it and he'll eventually stay there. Before you put him in time out, get down to his level, look him in the eye and explain to him why he's going into time out. Oh, and be sure to give him a WARNING first or all hell will break loose.

Also, try a reward system. Taking toys away usually doesn't work, but if there's a way to earn a reward at the end of the week you have the power over whether he gets it or not, it shows him that you're the one in charge. I just answered a similar question about a 6 yr old and explained a game which is designed for this ~ try modifying the tasks to ones you know your 3 yr old can do on his own. You might also want to have a small reward for each day of the week as a whole week is a loooong time to a 3 yr old.

Answer 3

Your ways aren't working because your ways are lame. He needs REAL discipline. Standing in the corner teaches him nothing. Sitting him on the couch does nothing either because he sits all day so what is sitting on the couch going to teach him? Taking away toys doesn't help because he's 3 and easily forgets about stuff like that. Get some REAL discipline. If he does something he shouldn't be doing then give him a firm warning. If he does it again, spank him but only hard enough for it to hurt a second or two. Then you will have his attention and you can grab him by the arm and say "Don't do that again do you hear me?" and he will definately get the point. If he gets into something he shouldn't then you don't have to spank him, just give him the warning and if he does it again then just smack his hands and tell him "no". You need firmer discipline because he is walking all over you. Time outs are a joke and are a waste of your time and his. Kids who are put in time out are unruly and walk all over their parents. You need to get serious and do something about him and be the parent.

Answer 4

Make sure your expecations are VERY clear, and make sure the punishment fits the crime. And don't scream and yell, it will just teach him to scream and yell.

If he is standing up in his chair trying to eat his dinner, take his plate away, and calmly tell him "you will get your dinner when you are sitting in your chair."

Make sure he always knows what's going on. A clear-cut schedule and an organized house do wonders for children. You wouldn't think that having your laundry folded and put away matters when it comes to your child's behavior...but it does, to an extent. My kids are so much nicer to each other when the house is clean. They get the impression that I take care of my things, and they do too...meaning they put their toys away at the end of the day, they don't throw or break toys, and they share more easily.

If he is supposed to be sleeping and you hear him playing with his toys instead, you can give him a warning - "If you talk again, I'm taking your toys away," then on the next offence, DO IT. He should not get second chances once you've issued your warning.

We don't spank in this house, but if you do, remember not to do it in the heat of the moment so you don't go overboard. Also remember that your children are learning everything they know from you, and don't know the difference between "spanking" and "hitting".

Just by clearly stating our expectations, clearly stating the punishment if they don't obey, and following through with our commands, we have managed to get this far without going crazy. :) Our kids are well-behaved on the whole.

Answer 5

Be consistent... and make all that you find to be wrong, wrong ALWAYS... kids sometimes get confused on why stuff is wrong to do sometimes and others its OK, so if you are punishing or disciplining the kid, be strict, and consistent; its better if you try the invisible technique, ignore him while you have him in the corner or sitting right by you, don't let him play with absolutely anything during that time, if he tries to grab something, take it away but still, no talking... kids who miss behave tend to ask for attention while doing so, if you take the attention away, that is when they feel punished. The spanking would be the last resource. The key is not letting your kid see you loose your temper, and if you are going to spank him, never do it with anger, and explain to him why you did it, it looks at the moment like they don't listen, believe me, they do.

Answer 6

Consistency is the only thing that works. Put him in the corner - and keep putting him back there until he stays for 3 minutes. Tell him you're doing it, then don't get into discussion - just keep putting him back. The initial fight may take awhile. But if you are persistent, it works.

DON'T forget to PRAISE him when you see good behavior, so it's not just a matter of seeking negative attention to get *any* attention.

Watch the show "Supernanny" - she's very helpful. (And it can be entertaining)

Answer 7

One of the things that works with my 3 year old is removing her from the situation, placing her in a quiet area and speaking to her very lowly with eye contact. The corner or naughty spot works well for us, but only with communication. I tell her that her behavior was unacceptable. I find that disappointing me is far worse than a spanking. Plus, you need to follow through with your threats. If you're at the grocery store and you've warned them to behave or you'll leave, then do it! Children learn early that idol threats are just that, nothing to be taken seriously.

Answer 8

Ignore all the advice on spanking. Bad, uneducated advice. You should watch a few shows of Supernanny and Nanny 911. All their techniques are really effective, we use them and they work great. They also have a book out and all the discipline techniques are step by step. You have to stick with a plan and follow through each time so that he knows you mean business. Children need to predict the outcome in order to behave good in the future. Never spank, using fear and pain is the wrong way to go about it.
Spanking is a form of violence that teaches children that inflicting fear and pain on others is a way to control their behavior. Parents who spank are out of control and are not disciplined parents. It just teaches children how to hit, how to be sneaky, how to fear, how to be ashamed and how to take anger out on others. All degrees of spanking- light, moderate, occasional, rarely, always- give children the wrong kind of attention. You want your child to follow rules because they are right and good, not to avoid punishment because they are scared and become sneaky. When parents spank, they stop their children at the lowest level of moral development. So all the idiots that recommend to spank are eroding their childs ability to be empathetic. When you react with anger to childrens' behavior, we teach them to act without considering another persons' feelings-another consequence we need to avoid. Then when your child doesn't have empathy, it is impossible for them to learn to share, play well with others, avoid angry and violent actions, and take responsibility for their actions.
So I hope you don't take the spanking route. Go out and get those books, they will help.

Answer 9

Um...first of all make sure your expectations are age appropriate. I would recommend reading "your three year old" by louise bates ames. That book will also have age-appropriate discipline.

As to the spanking... how would you like it if your boss hit you whenever you did something wrong? If it's not right to hit an adult how can it be right to hit a small child? I'm frankly appalled that so many people think it is ok.

Answer 10

It depends on what he is doing. It's a lot easier to answer this kind of question when we know what kind of misbehaviour needs to be addressed. Can you give more details?

First off...discipline means to TEACH and not to punish.

Some things that may be helpful.....

Make your expectations clear

Be consistent in how you handle things and what is and is not OK.

Use distraction and redirection.

Sometimes counting to three helps to get them to comply with something faster. (I actually usually count backwards.)

Offering something fun to follow up somethng not so fun. The "When - Then" method. Example - "When you clean up your toys, then you can go play outside" or "After we do the grocery shopping, then we can go to the park."

If you give more details I'm sure I'll have more suggestions.

Answer 11

Figure out what he is specifically after when he's misbehaving. And figure out, in general, what things he likes (list of priveleges).

When he misbehaves, ensure that he never, ever, ends up with what he was specifically after. If behavior gets worse, take away additional priveleges from the list. When he starts behaving properly, return priveleges and/or give him what he was after in the first place.

This has worked with my son from birth to age 12, and with my daughter from birth to age 7.