How to control my 6 yearl old son?

Question

My 6 year old son doesnt listen to anyone.. If you tell him to sit he stands.. My husband is going bannanas trying to control him.. We do a lot of threatening, and taking things away but nothing seems to work. I prefer not to spank him or hit him. I am looking for advice on how to get him to mind us, before he is out of control!

Answer 1

Embrace these things and you will be on the path

1) there are no perfect kids
2) you cannot teach a negative (don't do that vs. do this)
3) reward for good
4) ALWAYS follow through on threats
5) caveat to 4, don't over threaten, punishment must be proportionate to crime (2 weeks grounding for not eating broccoli?)
6) kids want to have fun, adults forget to have fun - play with your kids


Note:
I have 3 kids (5,11,13) and I have never spanked my kids. My two oldest get commendations from other parents on their manners. They are both on the schools' honor roll. They aren't perfect at all times, but see point 1. Try to remember what it was like to be a kid. What made an impact on you?


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Some of these other answers...YIKES! It's too bad they don't require parenting licenses. Seems like some of these parents need to get checked out before they have their kids checked out. LMAO

Answer 2

Try a different approach. He is obviously looking for some attention from you, so try praising him and rewarding him when he does something right (no matter how insignificant it is!). He should respond by doing more things right. If there is a time that he's being quiet and behaved (even if it's only b/c he's playing or doing something like watching TV) make a comment about how good he's being.

Also, you might want to try something fun like setting up a chart on the fridge with 7 columns for the days of the week going across and a list of chores he should be doing going down the side (like making his bed, picking up his toys at the end of the day, brushing his teeth etc.) and a magnet for each one. Have a magnet for being a "good boy" at the very bottom. Move them along for each thing that he does each day so he can watch his progress. At the end of the week if he he has all his magnets in the no. 7 spot he gets to do something special with mom and dad, like go to the movies or the zoo etc. The good boy magnet is there to be moved backwards or forwards depending on how well he behaves. If he acts up, give him a warning first and then if he still doesn't listen move the magnet back a space. He can earn a space back later on if you give him something extra to do. You can decide what the rewards are based on how many magnets make it to the no. 7 spot ~ a treat, a small toy, play a board game etc. but make sure the big reward is something special!

PS ~ your son doesn't need to be *afraid* of you like some of the ppl here are suggesting. He needs to respect you. If you show him you're the boss (for example, by being in control of the magnets and whether he gets his rewards or not) he will learn that he's not the one in control and will behave likewise. You do have be be consistent and stern when needed. Get down to his level and look him in the eye when you talk to him, don't just shout and holler or it'll only go through one ear and out the other. Really, if hitting and yelling worked, why would you need to keep doing it?

Answer 3

Good for you for not spanking! They only cause resentment and are shaming to a child. Stop the threats and taking away privileges. Try and use logical consequences whenever possible. Taking away a toy or privileges when your son misbehaves is not a logical consequence. Taking away a toy if he throws it or is destructive with it is logical. These are some other examples of logical consequences. If he makes a mess, he cleans it. If he breaks a toy, it goes in the trash. If he damages something in the home, money comes out of his piggy bank or he earns money doing things around the house to pay for the damages. Let the discipline fit the crime.

Another technique you can try when he is misbehaving is this. As soon as he misbehaves, get down to his level and say "I don't like when you (explain what and why)." Take his gently by the hand and put his in a spot in your home (bedroom, the couch.) Say "When you're ready to (listen, stop, behave) then you can come back with me." This is not a time out because you are not giving a time limit (you controlling his). He returns when he's ready to control himself. You may have to take him back to the spot a few times before he gets the message. Thank him when he behaves. Keep it up!

Notice him when he is not misbehaving. Say things like "You worked on that for a long time! Look how high you can climb! You used so many colors on that picture!" These are intrinsic motivators rather than extrinsic rewards ("Good job," stickers, candy). These phrases are great confidence builders.

Set limits, follow through, and offer choices, not chances. You can say “Do you want to do that by yourself or do you want some help?” "No" should mean "No" the first time you say it. Say "Yes" as much as possible. Be patient and consistent. Good luck!

Answer 4

Aaahh.. The SIX yr old! I don't know your ages, but regardless it sounds as if your son is looking for attention! I don't have enough details to pin point the exact problem and the exact solution, but at this age there is a lot of things going on in their heads. Do you remember being 6? He has kindergarten to put up with (separation anxiety), Also is mom giving dad more of her time now that he's a little more self sufficient?(Jealousy). At 6 he's also trying to be a little more independent, thus seeing just how much he will be able to get away with before getting corrected. I know there are a great deal of "new age" parents out there that don't spank, they have used the old "time out" chair. To each his own - (I spanked). Not often,and not for everything, only after my " 3 strikes you're out" rule. I told my kids once, if it went unanswered, I reminded, then --. Do you follow through with your threats? Or just keep repeating --"If you don't --- I'm going to ----? Then there's 1 of your problems. Say it , DO IT! Don't give in EVER! They will get your number, and it will get harder to break the habit. Hope this helps- Good Luck! you can always e-mail me if you want more help :)

Answer 5

Before he's out of control? Sorry but he's in control and he knows it. I have 6 year old twins. I'm sorry but my father raised me with an iron fist. There was no leeway with him. It was his way or it was his way. We were not put in a bargaining position.

You son is just testing you to see how far he can get away with stuff. I loved my father like I've loved nobody else. It took me a while to see that he was the way he was because he had to, not because he wanted to. I am trying to be a bit more lax with my kids. I 'll tell them once or twice not to do something or to stop doing something. There is no third strike. If they do something bad i.e. hit each other, throw their plates, or just simply pout and start whining, bam! One or two good spanks and its off to their room they go. None of this, I'll take your toys, XBOX, cell phones, etc. etc. That is crazy. It might hurt you more to do so and people may not agree with a good butt whipping, but in some cases it is necessary.

Have your child evaluated, maybe he's ill. Maybe he has ADHD or some other illness. Either that or you should get professional help. Immediately, before your 6 year old is all of a sudden a 16 year old monster loose on the streets.

Answer 6

It may sound strange but you, and your husband mostly need to learn the scary voice and look. He isn't afraid enough of you. Threats that are not followed through on let him know he's in control. It only takes once or twice of ACTING like you're really losing it in a scary way, being right up in his face to get him to believe you'll do what you say. Like I said it sounds strange, but if you can scare him with a look a tone of voice, nothing else is necessary. It doesn't mean you don't love him, and you are doing it for his own good, so that he'll listen and do as he's told.

It works with my son, and we have a very loving and playful relationship. But he knows the look and the voice and when I mean business. Lot's of people will disagree with this, but even though I don't disagree with spanking in some situations, I don't have to using this technique.

Answer 7

The problem is is that you don't believe in spanking. I know and have seen tons of children who's parents spanked and tons of kids who's parents didn't spank and believe me the difference is unbelievable. First of all, the kids who aren't spanked walk all over their parents and it gets worse as they get older. Second of all, the kids who's parents didn't spank never listened to their parents (like your son). Spanking is not hitting like you are thinking. It is only popping them on the rear hard enough to hurt for a second or two and it also gets their attention. It's not abuse and it's not hitting. You need to spank him and show him that you are in control and he isn't. He will never expect to be spanked which is why it will work--because he won't expect it. If you spank him then all of the sudden he's suprised and he sees that mom and dad have control and he doesn't anymore. You say you threaten him, well I think threatening is a form of child abuse and you should stop that. If you think spanking is bad then obviously you don't have your head on straight because threatening children does alot of damage believe it or not. Spank him. Everything else is failing and you need to try something new if you want him to obey you.

Answer 8

Have you looked at your parenting style? From experience with my own (he's seven) We were going through what I would guess is similar problems. After some serious looking at how we handled things in public and at home I found we were making a big time mistake...inconsistency. What drove my husband nuts I didn't seem to mind so he punished I ignored and at other times it was vice-verse. In public we would let things slide because let's face it kids know they have the upper hand in public places.
But now we have really got together and decided on what works for the two of us. We played on our strengths and I feel things have turned around almost a good 180' just keep reminding yourself You did choose to take on this role of raising the little angel and provide him with the right tools to become a productive well-adjusted member of society ( you may have to remind yourself several times a day!!! ) , Oh yeah and don't for get to keep each other laughing!!!!! If you can't do that you're seriously facing mental and emotional burn-out!!!

Answer 9

1st of all you can not control a 6 yr old. They don't listen half the time. If you want to work with him you can. Best way is if you tell him to do something and he doesn't take a toy that he likes away and keep this up. Do not give the toys back unless he earns them. Either he will loose all his toys or he will start listening to you.

Answer 10

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