I just got married five months ago, and my husband is having a hard time relating to my son. My husband is a Christian who believes in spankings and whippings. My husband also came into the marriage with his five yr old son. I notice that my husband beats my four yr old son for things that HIS son has done and didn't get anything other than a warning about. My son tries to have conversations with my husband,and my husband acts disinterested, and aloof. Yesterday, my son went to hug his stepdad when he got home from work, and my husband acted as though he didn't see him, and as my son turned away I snapped. I asked him how could he not see my son trying to give him a hug? He just shugged his shoulders. The only time he talks to him is when he is threatening to whip him, telling him to clean his room, or telling him to get away from me and stop being a "mothers boy". He comes home anxious to know about any "bad things" that my son has done. I am walking around on pins and needles, help?
2006-07-18 05:52:12 · 13 answers · asked by candy0813 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
what is attracting you to this man... to let him treat your little boy this way? I guess you must be hoping he will change, how long will you wait? You should set that deadline before you start expecting him to change or else you're just gonna accept living this way for the rest of your life. Then you'll have a troublesome teenager on your hands due to the cold-heartedness of your husband.
Hmm, have family time and play games, they are such little boys they will have fun with you both. Make sure it's a game that isn't competitive.. make your husband spend time with both of your sons especially yours.
Shouldn't parents agree on which way to discipline their children? If you are deadset against whipping and spanking don't let your husband threaten ur kids that way. Maybe find some middle ground for disciplinary actions and which actions require discipline.
I hope you stand up for yourself and your child.
2006-07-18 06:01:52 · answer #1 · answered by fuhreezing 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This just breaks my heart! Your child does not deserve to be treated this way by ANYONE! If you treat his son well and accept him with open arms, I can't see why your husband is the typical step-monster father. He KNEW what he was getting into when he married you...he should have accepted everything about you including your son.
So often the word "Christianity" is minconstrued as perfection. Please remember that the worst form of self abuse is perfection! The person trying to be perfect takes out all their frustrations on others because they are being so hard on themselves. I suggest that you get some counseling and if this man doesn't shape up then you owe it to your son to raise him in a loving and accepting environment.
Think ahead 10-20 years if your son continues to suffer in this love-less home. He will resent you as an adult and you'll be left wondering what happenned.
I have first hand experience on this. Do the research and take care of your son first. No man is worth the drama. Sounds like he is a control freak with issues of his own.
Good luck and I'll keep you and your son in my prayers!
2006-07-18 06:12:25 · answer #2 · answered by fourcolor4u2 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you aware that there are people in this world that have a severe medical condition which causes them to be that way? My mother for instance is one of those people. She is a truck driver that has bad knees and a bad back from driving the truck but you probably do not care about that case either. Oh well I am not one of those people I am 6'4" 245lbs and I exercise every day. I would love to see you say something like to my mother in front of me. Probably never happen though you are probably just an internet tough guy. I doubt very seriously you would say that to someones face. Just my thought. What do you think. Oh I am sorry you probably do not have a brain. I on the other hand will be happy to buy you a plane ticket to come here and see if you have the nerve to say that to someone I know.
2006-07-18 05:55:34 · answer #3 · answered by littlebylittle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was raised in a somewhat similar environment and it was very traumatic and devastating. You're doing the right thing by not ignoring this. That would be the worst thing that you could do. It will only get worse. Your son needs love and understanding, not contempt, anger and rejection. The decisions you make now will affect him for the rest of his life. Do not doubt that. You are creating memories for your child, now.
I don't know what you should do, but this behavior has to stop. Some people have suggested family counseling. That may help, it may not. It depends on his willingness to cooperate and change. But don't hesitate. Do the right thing and get help. Poor kid. Breaks my heart.
2006-07-18 06:41:24 · answer #4 · answered by Leadfoot 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get your child away from this man!!! This is one of those times when your child's needs come before your own. Think of the damage that could be done to your child if you stay. He will grow up thinking that neglect, indifference and ridicule are normal behavior for fathers and sons and possibly treat his children the same way. Then you have your son's stepbrother being mean to him with nothing being done about it. He'll just keep picking on him because he knows he can get away with it. Why would you want your child growing up like that?
2006-07-18 09:27:33 · answer #5 · answered by Mollywobbles 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to get rid of stepdad NOW. If you care at all about your son. The treatment this poor innocent child is receiving from this horrible person will warp him for the rest of his life. If he can't treat your child as his own he not only doesn't love your son he apparently doesn't love you. AND Christians don't behave like that toward children. Your husband is a selfish, hateful bastard. Don't make your child suffer for this.
2006-07-18 06:21:23 · answer #6 · answered by J P 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you need some family counselling. It may be very hard to get your husband to see and understand what he is doing.
To me it says he questions your parenting style. You both need to have a serious talk about the parenting style you want to follow. You have to communicate and work it out now or it will only go down hill. It's hard to connect to another man's child, so give him a little slack, just not much. You have to communicate with him and a cousellor may be great for that. It doesn't mean your family is disfunctional. It's just a tough situation that needs some ironing.
2006-07-18 05:59:47 · answer #7 · answered by Phoenix, Wise Guru 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is WAY SERIOUS, and it has got to change for the emotional health of your son.
Your new hubby needs to learn right now that his behavious is horrible, in fact is a form of child abuse, and it will not BE TOLERATED BY YOU.
Stand up to him, and if he IS a Christian he will correct this.
If not, I would plan on leaving, if it's this bad already it will likely get worse.
Your child comes first...always.
Be a good parent and do in your heart what you know to be right, and I wish you the best with this situation.
2006-07-18 06:00:02 · answer #8 · answered by JC 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you love your child, you should have never married the man. My husband knew right out that MY son came first. Luckily he's the greatest step-father. You need to step up to the plate and tell your husband to either love US or GET LOST!!!
2006-07-18 06:00:33 · answer #9 · answered by Tortured Soul 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's so sad, I'm sorry I really don't know what to say except ask your husband why he has to treat your son that way.
2006-07-18 05:57:20 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋