Are you drunk?

Question

so why are you behaving like that?

Answer 1

BEER TROUBLESHOOTING

SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.

SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
FAULT: Improper bladder control.
ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training.

SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
FAULT: Glass empty.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
FAULT: You have fallen over backward.
ACTION: Have yourself leashed to bar.

SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts.
FAULT: You have fallen forward.
ACTION: See above.

SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
ACTION: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.

SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.
FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
FAULT: You are being carried out.
ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar.

SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark.
FAULT: Bar has closed.
ACTION: Confirm home address with bartender.

SYMPTOM: Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures.
FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.
ACTION: Cover mouth.

SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up to you and smiles.
FAULT: You are dancing on the table.
ACTION: Fall on somebody cushy-looking.

SYMPTOM: Beer is crystal-clear.
FAULT: It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.
ACTION: Punch him.

SYMPTOM: Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.
FAULT: You have been in a fight.
ACTION: Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them.

SYMPTOM: Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in.
FAULT: You've wandered into the wrong party.
ACTION: See if they have free beer.

SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted.
FAULT: The beer is too weak.
ACTION: Have more beer until your voice improves.

SYMPTOM: Don't remember the words to the song.
FAULT: Beer is just right.
ACTION: Play air guitar.

Answer 2

No, I can say my abc's. a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z. and i can stand on one foot and touch the tip of my nose with my finger.

Answer 3

ok i will say i'm a little drunk officer but this gun is tho because i see blood

Answer 4

I'm nearly not as think as you drunk I am - REALLY!!! I do have blood in my alcohol stream.

Answer 5

drunk?let me cheak; qwertyabcdefmnlkjhg um what am i drunk?um ooh i act like this all the time ;

Answer 6

Nope. Just nuts

Answer 7

No, I just took some Viagra, that's why.
Oops!
I wasn't supposed to say that!

Answer 8

dah, dah dah dah dah dah da da da daaah.hhrrgh.
mmmmmmm aauuggggg aaauuugggg. geet mmee
maaaaa bbbbbbbbeerrrrr. fanks

Answer 9

well, i'm not as think as you drunk i am, anywho

Answer 10

i swear to drunk im not god!