I have a 15 year old daughter and she is out of control. I need help but I dont know where to start. HELP...?

Question

I have been in her life for approximately 1 month and she was so happy to meet me and I felt the same way. For 2 weeks she was on the right track then her "boyfriend" returned from an abrupt absence, now she is back to her old ways, staying gone for days at a time and constantly lying about where she is and who she is with. Mind you, this "boy" is 19 and I would love to put hands on him, yet I feel that since I wasnt there for the 1st 15 years of her life I have lil leverage on what I can say with out her bringing it up. She missed a whole semester of school and will probably have to do the 9th grade over again. Her mother and I have talked to her and explained that the road she is travelling doesnt lead anywhere, yet she continues to do what she feels. Is there anyone that has gone thru similar situation if so what was the outcome? I dont want to be a 36 year old Grandfather nor do I want my daughter to be a "loser"... Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Answer 1

I was a troubled teen, and for several reasons. 1- my mother was over-protective and I was suffocating.

2- teens are naturally rebellious. They are trying to find their place in the world and who they are. Hormones can be horrible, sending a person into depressions, up to hyper, and all over the board.

3- you are a new element in her life. She's confused, -why don't I have a mother, too? Why doesn't my mother love me? What's wrong with me? What did I do to make her go away? and stability may be a new thing in her life. She doesn't know what to do with it and it can be scary for someone if they've never had it. The boyfriend is a known element, so she's clinging to something that is 'stable.'

Take her face in your hands and look her in the eyes. Make sure you have contact with her eyes. Tell her, softly, gently, firmly, that you are in her life, she is in yours, and you will always be available for her. Tell her she's beautiful and you are worried for her. Tell her she can say anything to you, talk about anything, and you will support her, not judge her. ALL her feelings and emotions are valid.

Take her to a hospital nursery and show her newborns. Find a good documentary about birth and let her see exactly how a baby is born. Let her see the negatives of birth, too.

And set limits. Firm boundaries. And if she crosses them, follow through with the punishment. Never waver from it or she will know you are not real. Physical punishment doesn't work and it only shows that the parent is NOT in control. Take away a privilege, add a chore, make her write a paper on WHY whatever she did was a bad choice. Cause and effect.

And above all -love her.

Answer 2

Establish home values
Set Boundaries, Rules, Consequences
Remember: Your House Your Rules
Don't be her friend - be a parent
Be consistent within the rules 100% of the time.

You can't tell a teen anything - you have to show them by living an example of accountability. It is up to them to make informed choices based on what the rules allow to remain in your home.

Most people can't do this. Those people are known as parents of troubled teens. Good luck - there is help but it is costly. But as you mentioned you don't want to be a GF or have a "loser".

There are always options... what do you want to create? Because of where she is now the change will have to be abrupt and it won't be pleasant simply because she probably won't like any of it. Google "teen" and "help" and have look around - this is a trying time for enlightened parents.

Answer 3

in the initiating, besides the actuality that you do, do not take Aphrodite's suggestion. Marijuana is undesirable for you! On one of those large volume of stages. After taking it only 3 situations you're formally eligable for mind harm. And even as some people do not care even as they die, individuals DO. MrGuy has the right theory. perchance letting the police officials manage her for an afternoon will do a niche of excellent. she will have the capacity to maximum probably get a caution for making use of marijuana. may I recommend a vacation? only you and your daughter, or you 2 and the different kinfolk individuals she receives alongside with. a vacation to a quiet motel, or perchance an leisure park of a few kind (it relies upon on what she'd like) may help her! With an leisure park she will have the capacity to understand there are different techniques to have thrilling than to have sex and smoke terrible chemical compounds. Plus, she will have the capacity to be faraway from her "friends" and any boys. i am hoping I helped and that i'm hoping each little thing works out! optimistically it is only a component, yet even stages can grow to be some thing nasty. carry close in there! do not supply up :)

Answer 4

One month?

So, let's put this into perspective. She's not your daughter. She's not your stepdaughter. You have almost no relationship with her, so it is neither your duty or your place to be getting her "back in control".

Now, I do understand you have a relationship with her mother and you need to support her as much as possible. Anything you do yourself will be seen as an outside interference. OK?

The mother needs to be strong and to be firm. Look up some tough love resources and support her 100%.

As to the boyfriend......19 and 15 I'm pretty sure is statutory rape in most states and you have a duty to call the juvenile division of the local PD for advice and file a complaint against the guy.

Answer 5

Yeah, if he's fvcking up your daughter's life e-mail me his address...I'll fix him for ya. I'm 17 and can't stand it when this happens. The same thing happened to my sister...she's got 2 kids now and is only 19...didn't graduate, doesn't have a job...because she did what your daughter is. Honestly I think you should beat the guy or have me do it. They both need sense knocked into them, and he shouldn't be seeing her...can you say cops? ILLEGAL? JAILBAIT? He's messing up her life...it's not right. He should be willing to step aside if he really cared about her, and let her get through school. Get her on BIRTH CONTROL. I know the idea scares you probably, but isn't it better for her to be on the pill than pregnant? Her boyfriend should've stayed gone...And you may've been gone 15 years, but at least you came back and are making an effort. This'll hurt you bad, but tell her if she doesn't get her act together you'll call the cops on her boyfriend. It's illegal. It's wrong what he's doing taking advantage of her, get a restraining order, something man. I hope it works out for you...don't know how to help...though if you want I will beat him down for ya...hate guys like this.

Answer 6

listen, Dad? i know if my little girl were in this situation, i would NOT be happy right now.
First off, i think the local authorities need to know what a certain 19 year old has been doing with underage girls in your neighborhood. Anonymously, of course.
Secondly, reign her in. She's 15 and it doesn't matter how long you've been gone, you have to do what's in her best interests, and skipping school, being gone for days at a time, that's not it.
I think more than anything, you shouldn't give up and no matter how hard she fights you, fight her back ten times harder.
The important things is that you do what you do for her, because you love her.

Answer 7

Have his a$$ put in jail for statutory rape. she may throw it up to you that you were not there for her, but you cant let fear run your life, you we not there and that's the truth, if she doesn't do it now she will do it the next time. Don't give her the upper hand. The other thing you can do is file incorrigibility charges on her through the court. They will put her on probation and insure that she goes to school and follows the rules or they will put her someplace where she has no choice. This sounds harsh but if all else fails, what do you have to loose. ether that or be prepared to watch your grandchild ether be raised by you or watch the grandchild be abused and neglected. Because there will be a baby by the way she is acting.

Answer 8

She has a very valid point, you was not there. She has some serious anger issues with you that need resolved. I can not say this enough, want to see yourself, look at your child. They are the most honest mirror reflection of your life you will ever see. Start by telling her you was wrong for not sharing her life. How you wish you could turn back the years and be there. I know words doesn't solve things but they soothe. You tell her you realize she is trying to follow your path but yours was the wrong path. Don't be afraid to admit to a child that you are wrong, they can see right through it when you act like you are always right. My children, now grown tell me they thank God everyday that we are their parents. I have always tried to view things from their perspective along with my own. I would reason with them, giving them valid points as to why I was right. They was allowed to give me the valid points as to why they thought I was wrong, we would come to a happy medium. Still have a 16 year old at home. If I have problems with his perspectives on something I will voice my opinion in a mostly, unless it comes to the military he wants to join, calm fashion. I will reason it through on his level.

Answer 9

Your daughter has gone down the road of a rebel. It's obvious that her boyfriend is the main contribute to the problem. Perhaps if you introduce her to a girl with an abusive boyfriend, dropout and pregnant, she'll understand what she's getting herself into and put an end to it herself before it's too late.

Answer 10

If sh'es been like this for quite sometime normal parenting discipline might not work anymore. You might want to consider military school or at least temporary boot camp.
A lot of the students in my brother's high school ROTC class were very similar to your daughter. After the military coach disciplined them it was like someone flipped a switch.