We have 2 sons. Robbie 4 and Billy 3. My mother-in-law favours Robbie. She even invites Robbie for sleep overs right in front of Billy. When Billy says "me too grandma?" she always say not this time, but she never spends any time with him. My husband and I decided this has to stop, so we offered her three possiblities. One-take both kids for the weekend. Two-Alternate taking Billy one weekend and Robbie the next, or Three-Don't take either of them. Well, she got very angry and opted with no. 3, and said "fine I won't take either of them then!!" Now she's royalaly pissed. Any suggestions on what to do? How to tell the kids?
Thanks
2006-07-18 05:01:50 · 18 answers · asked by Disney Dreamer 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
She will get over it..... you are right she is wrong...... Don't tell the kids that grandma is an *** that wont help anything. just tell them grandma is busy lately. maybe she will see that she is being a jerk before it is to late.
2006-07-18 05:07:02 · answer #1 · answered by Joy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd almost be tempted to ask her why she doesn't like Billy.
"We love both of our boys- we feel they would both benefit from spending time with you. You've invited Robbie many times, but never Billy- Why?" Ask her to explain it to you- just you and your husband.
Then, later, when emotions aren't so hot, you can explain the situation to the boys. Be sure to explain that the new situation isn't because you want to punish Robbie- it's because you love both your sons and Grandma isn't being fair.
BTW- how does Robbie feel about going to Grandma's- Is he all, "I'm better than you are, so THERE!" or does he want his brother to come with?
Maybe an alternative would have been for Robbie to tell Grandma, "I won't come unless Billy can come, too." The solidarity thing could go far.
Good luck!
2006-07-18 05:18:44 · answer #2 · answered by Yoda's Duck 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is important not to paint the grandma as a mean lady. Because she may change and be loving towards both kids. I would explain to the kids that Grandma is up in age and it may be hard for her to handle both at the same time. Everyone has favorites and grandmas is Robbie. If she can't abide by the rules...tough.
If the boys keep prying as to why both of them can't spend the night, tell them that Grandma is busy and maybe when she is available, they can come over.
2006-07-18 05:15:57 · answer #3 · answered by osubuckeye 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let her have her little hissy fit for awhile. Then when it blows over, try asking her what it is about Billy that makes her not want to take him. Maybe there is a good reason and you will learn something. Most likely there isn't and you will have the opportunity to tell her that both boys are special and one should not be treated as less than special. Just tell the boys that Grandma can't take them right now because she isn't feeling up to it.
2006-07-18 05:13:35 · answer #4 · answered by going2bok 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Firstly, you guys are great parents and thats truly admirable. Secondly, I think its alright that the silly grandma doesnt take both of them as its better than being unfair to one. And good that she feels pain. She is an old lady and is supposed to be wise enough to not hurt a childs feelings with her weird bias. I dont feel sorry for the lady. Good that she is hurt. (Nothing against old people though.)
Finally, ages 4 and 3 may be too young to give any serious explanation. Can you try saying something like grandma's busy or that you have plans with them or talk to them about some exciting alternatives so that they are not upset?
2006-07-18 05:10:28 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldnt get the kids involved......there minds can be easily switched or should I say redirected.....that type of favoritisim would effect there relationship in the long run...while she's dead and gone...they will still be here with an uneasy feeling about each other.....
You guys were so right to give her that altimatum!....
And it probaly gave you too much needed alone time toghther....But when someone is trying to mishandle your kids you gotta step up...in this case you guys did.....
I would suggest activities they BOTH enjoy......or finding a family member who wouldnt mind taking them both on the weekend....
Or making the weekends Your own little family time toghther
I am still going thru this same thing with a family member that has favorites and it effects or family to this day....
Please no matter how bad it gets dont go back to her....the effects that she will cause will be long standing!
2006-07-18 05:10:06 · answer #6 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Better her feelings are hurt than poor little Billy. How can Grandmas be so cruel? Good for your husband facing up to his mother like that, not all men do.
2006-07-18 05:08:30 · answer #7 · answered by kitkat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be as honest with your babies as you can, but make all of that of course at a level they can understand. Your Mother-in-law is in the wrong and your trying to make sure if doesn't affect your children, so you've done the right thing. Stay strong and true to what you believe and if need be, just tell the little guys that g'Ma is sick for now.
2006-07-18 05:06:31 · answer #8 · answered by Dr. Kat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I admire the way you have dealt with this. It is really the only way. You should stand firm. And, when the kids ask. Tell them that grandma is just not ready for both of them to stay over. (It's the truth. You don't have to tell them why she's not ready.)
2006-07-18 07:44:59 · answer #9 · answered by Otis F 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stick to it and don't budge!!! Good for you on actually going through with something like that. I have sort of the same situation except our kids grandparents favor my husband's daughter, so they hardly ever take even one of our kids. I hope everything works out for your sons. If she wants to spend time with one, then she will have to spend time with both......and that's how it should be for the sake of your boys----she will realize this if you stick to what you say.
2006-07-18 09:59:15 · answer #10 · answered by T.R 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋