My boyfriend and me are about to be engaged. He's already bought my ring. But we've never talked about his ex.

Question

We have been dating for almost 6 months and we are sort of engaged. He's bought my ring already, but hasnt proposed, but we are gettting married next june. But we have never seriously talked about his ex girlfriend. We just talked about he's only slept with 1 person(her). She cheated on him, and he hates to talk about it. Not like hes hurt though. He is mad. but it was like 2 years ago. She cheated on him a whole lot though from what i heard. and he was really good to her, even bought her a new car. But hes only had 2 girlfriends me and her. and i really want him tol talk about her to me. is this normal? And i really want to know about them befroe we get engaged. And we have the same first name. so how should i bring this up? should i bring it up?

Answer 1

Typical woman. The man loves u, he wants 2 marry u. He is totally finished with his ex.He is trying 2 get over the pain of his previous relationship, put his horrible experience behind him & move on with his life which he is obviously doing. Being a typical woman u want 2 hash all this over with him, stir up old wounds & "talk seriously" about his old girlfriend. I am a man & please allow me insight into a woman's mind & tell me why,why, why this discussion about his ex is so important 2 you.

Answer 2

i might wait. for 2 motives: a million) you will pass over the prospect to circulate out with your girlfriends (and your new engagement ring) and examine out on a gaggle of outfits and function the sales women fawn throughout you and your ring. that's an incredible adventure to circulate "basically engaged" gown procuring. i'm having my gown made and that i nevertheless did it with my sisters some weeks once I have been given engaged. It became into large! in case you purchase it now you will basically get humorous seems from sales human beings and you will sense undesirable concerning to the adventure. 2) you will probable substitute your suggestions on what your "Dream gown" is via 2011. heavily. Even some months in the previous I have been given engaged I were saving photos of outfits I enjoyed. once I went and tried some on I appeared in the direction of the photos I had and became into like "what became into I questioning?" Now i'm having my mom make mine, and it is thoroughly distinctive that what i might have theory became into my "dream gown" some months in the previous it became into respectable, yet i'm in LOVE with the gown i've got designed. an advantage reason: My fiance's mothers and fathers went to a marriage in the fall of a pair that the lady became right into a finished bridezilla and had offered her gown in the previous the suggestion, and that's all and sundry ought to chat approximately. there's a stigma to it, which you basically do no longer choose surrounding the main particular gown purchase you will ever make. it is going to look such as you're putting plenty stress on it, and in 3 years, you will probable choose some thing else besides. i might wait and revel in the full "basically engaged" gown procuring adventure. you will not at all sense so pampered or greater like a princess that on the 1st day you circulate to a bridal keep with your new ring. solid success!

Answer 3

I don't want to go "psycho-psychologist" on you, however, you need to remember something:

Marriage INCLUDES talking about things you do not want to talk about. If he is not willing to be open about something like the infamous "X" now, you might want to reconsider, if not wait a while, to get engaged. The main question is, "Will he "not want to talk" about things that are painful when they are really important in the future, let it be a year or ten years down the road?"

It is "the whole package" you are marrying, the pasts that you have endured have made you what you are today. You accept him how he is, but you have your concerns about the lack of knowledge from him. Are you willing to possibly sacrifice future communication? If he can't talk to you about this today, how are you going to displace doubts that your will never do that to him?

Unlike generations before, people forget that marriage is a life-long commitment. Any more, a couple can just stroll into any lawyers office and annul a marriage, but the fact you need a foundation to that marriage, such as deep friendship with open communication, often eludes the younger people of today.

It is normal to not want to talk, but you need to air the dirty laundry before you can start on a clean slate with each other under a forever-union. It's not that I doubt you as a person (heck, I don't even know you), but your concern is justified, and I do have a not-so-easy resolution, but, please keep an open mind as you read.

My best suggestion:

Please think about the possibility of going to a professional marriage counsler. I know people drag their heels at the first sign of a "head doctor", but would you keep from going to a cartiologist if there was something wrong with your heart? Physical and mental health are important to everyone's well-being, and this way, you can have issues on the table to work on under the guide of a neutral party.

Even if it is just you, as the one who is concerned for your partener, they can teach you how to, almost artisticly, deal with your partener's inability to cope. That is what a wife is for, right :) ? The whole "support" and "guide" part, which needs to be played by you (and the husband) are very important to a successful marriage, and, sometimes, it means to swallow your pride and do what is best for yourself for the well being as man and wife.

Men are taught to react differently to situation from day one, and that is to "never show your feelings". It is difficult to break through that and MAKE them understand it would not make them any less of a man in your eyes. Even they need to break down a cry every once in a while, but they are afraid they will seem "weak". They want to be the impressive fix-it-all, do-it-all, stone-cold being to us women. There is no way around it- it's what their parents taught them. They want to be the strong one- the "leader" of the family, which has been a man's "place" for generations before, but they need to remember, behind every strong man there is a stronger woman.

The past has passed, and you can't change it, but you can change how you REACT to it... It's not if it is a big deal to you, but if it is a big deal to him, you need to know how to comfort without pushing buttons, and this means not calling her names, not being beligerant about his relashionship to her and keeping your eye on the prize. This is a strength that is hard for some women to find. We want to hen-peck some people, and this could be a reason why he may not want to talk about it.

Even if you do not go to see a professional, you need to let him know you are not her, and you would never do something so horrid to hurt him, and help him remember who he's with now. Sometimes this alone is the step in the right direction.

I hope things come out good for you.

Answer 4

Why do you wanna know about the ex? the only thing regarding her that you should really care about is why they broke up. you know that she cheated and he couldn't deal with that. what more do you need to know? generally, it's best to let the past remain just that, the past. try not to stress yourself too much about this one. if you two are engaged and getting married next year...don't you have a wedding to plan?

Answer 5

Honestly? If he doesn't want to talk about it then you shouldn't push him to. It will pull him away from you and you don't want that if you are planning on getting married.

Why do you want to know about her and their relationship? Is it something that you absolutely need to know about?

You need to think about the future and not the past. He is mad about it because he was hurt and he doesn't want to talk about it because it is in the past for him. You need to drop it and let it be in the past as well.

If you push him to talk it will drive him away from you. A lot of men don't like to discuss their past because it is the PAST. Let it go.

Do you love him? If you just answered yes, then just drop it and move on with your lives as a couple. Don't let the past bring you or him down.

Good luck!

Answer 6

Yes, my husband didn't talk about his ex much either...I know that she treated him horribly and I dont like her because of it....but --its best that way....leave the past in the past and concentrate on you and him and the present and your future together...dont let his ex spoil your relationship....don't worry about it! And why in the world would you want to know BEFORE you get engaged? If you're concerned about her and are considering not getting married because he hasn't told you every last detail about her...you dont need to be getting married in the first place.

Answer 7

You're not engaged until he proposes - keep that in mind. You don't need to talk about his ex - she's in the past, leave her there. Alot of people don't like to talk about their exes to current gf/bf's, it's just something you don't talk about! Leave it go and think about the present and the future, there's no use dwelling in the past.

Answer 8

Lets get one thing straight, you say he is not hurt he is mad. Wrong... He was hurt. Why do you want to talk about it? Let dead dogs lie. focus on your relationship and trusting him and him trusting you. The best things in life are about to come and his past with this other person is not your business and forcing him to relive it may cause damage to the relationship you have with him

Answer 9

Would you rather him talk about her all the time??? He's with YOU not her! heck yall are gonna get married? dont worry about the ex, it will only bring trouble into your relationship. If he doesnt feel comfortable talking about her than respect that and drop it.

Answer 10

His ex has nothing to do with you so just drop it. My husband and I never even discussed our exes, because they aren't important to us and have nothing to do with our relationship. What else do you need to know? You know they're not together any more and that she cheated on him, isn't that enough info? He's your man now, that's all that matters.