ls it my parents fault we are over?

Question

l'm 19, my guy was 31, yes l know it was an age gap and l'm not asking for your views on it cos it never bothered us.
My parents would never let me stay the night with him or go on holiday together as they didnt like me seeing him.
they said l had to move out if l carried on seeing him after 8 months of being together.
We still see ewachother on the down low for 2 months, then out of the blue he says he has met someone new and l cant go with him to a family wedding with it less then a week away, a weekend together we had had planned for weeks.
l dont earn enogh to live alone and he made it clear l coludnt stay with him. ls it my fault were over or my parents, or him?

Answer 1

It sounds like it's his fault, and his decision to break it off. There's no shame in going back with your parents, I am sure they still love and care for you, and will be there to help you. Don't be afraid to talk to them. I don't see what they had to do with you and your boyfriend breaking up though....how could it be their fault? I mean, the age gap was a problem for them, but that never bothered him before...why would it all of a sudden now? I don't think your parents had anything to do with that decision.

Answer 2

Honey, it is him. Sorry to say, but this was exactly why your parents didn't want you seeing him. They have the benefit of years of experience and character judgement, and maybe they could see him for the person he really was, and you saw in him the potential of the man he could have been. If he really, really loved you, he would have found a way to impress upon your parents that he had your best interests at heart, and he would have had you live with him, or tried to teach you to handle your parents in a mature and responsible way, thus showing them that you were good together, since none of this happened, and he let you down so horribly, you can only assume that his love only reached a certain level for you, if at all. Your parents were trying to protect you from what they probably saw as an inevitable outcome. It would have hurt so much worse if they had given you free reign and you had got in even more deeply only to have your heart broken and move back with them a broken woman, rather than the little girl you will always be to them whose duty it is to protect. I can totally understand your point of view in this, you are after all 19, not a child. But he was a much older man, and wise to the ways of the world that only someone older can be. How you move on from this, both within yourself and with your parents is up to you. Try and learn from it, there are always lessons, the quicker we learn them, the quicker we mature emotionally and the quicker we find someone who is right for us, be that friends or lovers, or even a husband. The mature thing to do is swallow the wounded pride you are feeling and tell your parents that you are thankful they care enough to look out for you and protect your vulnerability. Let them now comfort you the way only parents who care can and with this approach, maybe next time they'll give you more leeway, as they will see that you have learnt. None of this is your fault, without experiences like these, we cannot learn. God Bless

Answer 3

He has used you and tossed you away my friend. I don't think he ever had any intention of establishing a long term relationship with you in the first place.

And you know what, I think your parents are right. I wouldn't let my teenage daughter (who is still living at home and thus subject to parental rule) sleep with or go on holiday with ANY man - the guy's age is regardless. Any discerning parent would have been the same - it shows they care about your welfare and don't want to see you hurt.

This is no one's fault. It's a life lesson, so learn something from it any go on. Date someone else closer to your age and be more picky with who you go out with. You got landed with a prick - just get over it and find someone new.

Answer 4

It's his fault. He is using you and when you're all done, he's gone. Look at in on the bright side, at least you didn't have kids with him. I bet you gave him the time of his life, sex wise, and now that he is board with you, he is moving on to the next best thing. Your parents is often right but they lack the social skills to put it in a way that you would understand. Try dating someone who is more your age, and have the same views in life as you do. Dating an older man might be fun because he have money but you will lack many other things that are important in life such as true love and innocents.

Answer 5

You have a long life ahead of you. Take this as a learning experience and take some time to yourself. Age differences really do matter in the long run. I'm not criticizing you either, I'm 32 and my GF is 23, but there is alot that goes into a relationship to begin with without the worry of interference from parents.

Answer 6

He was using you! If you were having a hard time with your parents and you asked him if you could stay there and he told you no then that should have told you he didn't care for you as much as you cared for him. Don't blame your parents for this they could see that you were being used and it bothered them, and I don't agree with people saying your 19 and you can do what you want because if you can't afford to live on your own then you MUST comply with the rules of your parents home.....and now he's with someone else so you don't matter anymore! sorry I know it's not what you wanted to hear but it's true!

Answer 7

Stop trying to lay blame - learn from the experience and move on! You'll only eat yourself up trying to blame. Every relationship has something to teach us so that when me eventually meet someone you want to spend the rest of your life with and they feel the same way you have learned enough wbout how you and other people function to make a success of it - and you should never stop learning!

Answer 8

You shouldn't blame your parents they are doing what comes natural to any good parent.....trying to protect the child that they obviously love and who they only want the best for.The best way forward is to try and not blame anyone and just look at it as one of lifes experiences (even if it does hurt like crazy) as these are the things that make us the people we eventually turn out to be.

Answer 9

Your parents were right because they could make judgement with their life skill see through this guy. Good riddance, find another and bring him home first before you make a commitments. Your last one was a bad mistake and learn from it, for your own sake.

Answer 10

It was not anybody's fault. I believe things happen for a reason. And you cant go back and say what if. It is probally better this way. He sounds like he would of found somebody new eventually.