Loosen your undies before reading Dear Dr. Laura; Leviticus 18:22?

Question

Willys cynical thought for the day,

Those who don't laugh at themselves just leave the freaking job to someone else! I find it easy to laugh at myself & at stuff like this! Hahahahaha!

Dear Dr. Laura:  

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. For example, when someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate.  

However, I do need some advice from you regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them.  

1. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev.1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?  

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?  

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19-24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.  

4. Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?  

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?  

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?  

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?  

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.19:27. How should they die?  

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?  

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them (Lev.24:10-16)? Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14) I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.  

http://www.total-knowledge.com/~willyblues/

From; Willys Jokes archives! Something to offend the easily offendable!

Answer 1

and people actully believe this is "God's word" lol I tried to read the bible but i never got past the part when the to daughters got their father drunk and raped him so they could bear his children.
WHATS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE

Answer 2

We are not under Mosaic law anymore, however, homosexuality is still an abomination, see Romans 1 and 1 Corinthians 6:9. Next time you want to be a smartas$ try being smart.

Answer 3

Well i know that all the sacrifices in the world still couldn't pay for our sin that's why God sent his own son but all the rest just goes to show how people don't listen to authority.
Jesus came to make a new covenant the old man has passed away and made anew yes God is the same yesterday today and tomorrow but he is still in CONTROL

Answer 4

I know you mean these things in a "humorous" sense. But it's also obvious that you have no idea what you're talking about.
1. Punishment is not meted out by laymen, only by the administrators of justice, as set out in Deuteronomy. Asking "how should they die?" is not a concern to you.
2. Many of the Laws you cite are in reference to purity, as to keep the Jewish people a nation separated for God. If you're not Jewish, these Laws do not apply to you in most cases.
3. This means that Gentiles are Gentiles by virtue of their actions. These Laws don't apply to Gentiles.
4. Good luck in your search for God.

Answer 5

We are not under the Mosiac Law. However, the standards about sexual immorality has been brought though to us. God does indeed hate the homosexual act and lifestyle. Not the homosexual as a person, just the act and lifestyle.

Answer 6

That was very funny.

I wonder about the Law. Those that claim to be " works " oriented miss many of those little parts.

The weak part of the thing was the part about the slaves. You didn't have to own slaves to fulfill the Law.

Answer 7

Nothing says god's love like the Book of Leviticus.

Now point out the parts in the bible where it talks about unicorns.

Answer 8

Dr. Laura is a Jewish radio personality who solves problems via the "Old Testament".

The person who wrote to her clearly doesn't understand Torah and is making fun of Yahweh (God) and His commandments. The bottom line is, he has taken things totally out of context. For instance, he doesn't understand that most of the 613 original commandments were for the priests of that day. He doesn't understand that God gave us His original commandments so keep us from harm and from dying of diseases. Back in Biblical times - and still today! - eating pork that was even slightly undercooked, would in no uncertain terms, kill people. And today, eating undercooked beef that has been infected with Mad Cow Disease can also kill you! (That is a RECENT condition which is part of the "end times" scenario which we are now undergoing. Until "Mad Cow" came along, people in other countries have been eating a "delicacy" of raw beef with no problems. Lately, we have seen a rash of new diseases caused by "beasts of the field", as outlined in the Book of Revelation.)

The Book of Leviticus explains the things God said were good to eat, and which were forbidden. Each and every one of the things He forbade was something that can kill a human instantly. Check the internet and you will find instances where shellfish in the form of "Sushi" has been linked to many deaths....

Furthermore, God is God and He can order us to do whatever He wants. Our job is to obey. That includes keeping the seventh day Sabbath. He made the Sabbath for us - in other words, HE chose a day that He wanted us to refrain from work of any kind just to relax, have fun, and to reflect on God. He's our creator and He deserves worship. Without Him, none of us would be here. In "Old Testament" times, there was severe punishment for disobeying God. Thanks to the death of Yeshua HaMashiach (Jesus Christ), we can be forgiven our transgressions without having to sacrifice innocent animals. Does that mean we can sin on purpose? No. It means that we won't be put to death for working on a Sabbath.

God was trying to protect people, not keep them from "free will".

Concerning the owning of slaves - God never said we could own slaves. MAN started this nonsense and is doing it to this day. Therefore, in order to ensure the safety and prevent abuse of slaves, God made some rules. However, the slavery that existed in Israel was vastly different from the tyrannical forms of slavery that have existed throughout history.

Exodus 21:16 says: "He who kidnaps a man, whether he sells him or he is found in his possession, shall surely be put to death." Deuteronomy 24:7 states: "If a man is caught kidnapping any of his countrymen of the sons of Israel, and he deals with him violently, or sells him, then that thief shall die; so you shall purge the evil from among you."

Kidnapping and enforced slavery are forbidden and punishable by death. This was true for any man (Exodus 21:16), as well as for the Israelites (Deuteronomy 24:7). This was stealing a man's freedom. While aspects of slavery are Biblical (for punishment and restitution for theft, or for those who prefer the security of becoming a permanent bondservant), the Bible strictly forbids involuntary servitude.

God provided guidelines to protect slaves. For example, a slave who was maimed by his master would be set free. If a slave died because his master beat him, the master could be punished with death. Women captives could become slaves, or they could be taken as wives, but they were not to be used for mere sexual gratification. Israelites were to treat slaves with respect and kindness. (Exodus 20:10; 21:12, 16, 26, 27; Leviticus 22:10, 11; Deuteronomy 21:10-14)

Some Jews voluntarily became slaves to their fellow Jews in order to repay debts. This practice protected people from starvation and actually allowed many to recover from poverty. Furthermore, at key junctures in the Jewish calendar, slaves were to be released if they so desired. (Exodus 21:2; Leviticus 25:10; Deuteronomy 15:12)

Answer 9

cool, I love educated atheists, who use bible verses to piss of the poor confused brainwashed people who are getting ripped-off every Sunday by the offering plate. Just once I'd love to put an animal sacrifice in the plate to be ironic and historical. cheers

Answer 10

its always fun and cute to see people quote the old testement, and say that settles the debate,

most christians understand the whole point of jesus is that we are forgiven and therefor not having to die

Answer 11

That was excellent!! Seems Dr Laura has a bit of selective truth.