How can i stop from fighting with my mother?

Question

i am 20 yrs old now.. lately i've been quarrel with my mother quite often... she's always keep pointing out my mistakes rather than my goodness thing..then i will started to feel so guilty and really2 down.my dad had passed away since i was a kid... but i am so stressful with her behaviour..feels like i wanna run away from home...

Answer 1

She is lot more concerned of your future, besides it she has to accept the fact that your going to leave her after your marriage so she is getting irritated.

Answer 2

Okay, ur mom is feeling really bad coz there is a point in her life that she made mistakes and no one helped her or pointed it out 2 her.
If u fight back it only gets worse, coz this is ur mother.
The women that raised u when ur were helpless, the women u always count on 4 a great further.
Sit down and tell her that u respect her and need her 2 chill for a sec, it won't hurt.
If u run away that will make matters worse...losing her husband and NOW her child...that will kill a ever mothers heart.
It's better to spend more time with her so she doesn't feel that u are pushing her out of her life. ex: shopping,spa..ect.

Answer 3

A lot of parents are like that. Their cares and worries are expressed only as accusations because they are used to not being very outspoken about their feelings. It gets quite stressful for both concerned.

Take more responsibility at home. That is the quickest way for a parent to see that the hatchling is capable of flying and taking care of itself.

Try to keep things light. Reply to accusations with a grin and say, "mom, I'm not 7 anymore" give her a hug. Address her worries rather than the accusations and show her that you are aware of the dangers she is pointing out/implying and are prepared to deal with/be careful of them (or that they are no applicable).

If you reply to the words, both of you will keep getting frustrated as the words are born from the frustration of not expressing concerns. If you address her emotions, they will become calmer and this will help bring you closer.

I don't think moving out is a solution. If she is worried about you she will be even more worried about you on your own. Not seeing the problems does not make them go away.

Answer 4

There is a book that saved my life called The Dance Of Anger.
It will show how you argue and how it needs to change.

You could sit down with your mother and explain to her that you would love a more peaceful life especially with her. The two of you can sit down and write out a plan of stress reduction.

Is there a way to get some counseling? Do you have a church?

It might be time for you get out of the house and if you limit your time with her and she asks why, just tell her "mom I love you but I can't deal with the fighting"

Be sure that when you become a mom that you dont repeat the same behavior. Let this dyfunctional behavoir stop at your generation.

You could try and not to argue back to her. Let it roll off your back. Do some deep slow breathing and get yourself in to a sort of Zen state. Use your words softly and only be nice. If your mother can't get you to argue wtih her she mayb find another way to get rid of her stress. First of all she needs to admit that she has a problem.

My other computer is down or I would send you the rules for fighting fair. get back to me in a few days and I can send it to you when my other computer is up and running.

Good luck to you. You are wise to ask for help

Answer 5

Your mother might be concerned about your future - She also may be going through pre-menapause (considering you're 20 she is probably 45 +) which makes her irritable and emotional. The fact that you still live at home may be contributing to level and frequency of her criticisms. I suggest that you either start the process of getting your own place to live. Or at the very least ;especially if you're not in school or working- to find a way to be out of the house and her hair during weekday daytime hours- She may have more love for you if she sees a bit less of your in the flesh- Good Luck-

Answer 6

Listen, I am not sure if I am right but please try to understand her also. It might be possible that her point of view towards a particular scenario is quite different from yours and there are so many factors responsible for that like, generation gap, educational qualifications, approach whether its practical or emotional and lots more.

My suggestion to you is just talk to her, gift her some thing that she likes the most, spend atleast one day with her as she wants to and then talk to her calmly. I am sure when you would start understanding her, she would also realises the same and then you can actually feel the magic of love between you two....all the best dear

Answer 7

Well, I would suggest because you are 20 years old.....maybe you may want to find a job and plan on moving out of your mothers home. Do not lash back at mom by saying that you're going to move out....because she may throw you out of the house.

When mom points out mistakes you make, just politely say "ok, mom you're right, I'm so glad you pointed that out" Just to keep down all the fussing..

Plan to move out of the home or discuss this with a close relative maybe you could move with an aunt, uncle or grandparents for the time being.

Answer 8

You are 20. You don't have to run away from home. You are old enough to move out and should seriously consider it. Get a roommate and a place of your own. This will help your relationship with your mom. I am 26 and there is no way I could live with my mom. When I was there we agrued all the time. Now that I live on my own, we still don't always see eye to eye but that's okay. Also, if she makes me mad...I don't have to go visit her.

Answer 9

I can understand this a bit. I also live with a mother who can be unbearable at times. I think there is a bigger problem with your mom and she's taking it out on you. Instead of running away you should sit down with her and get to the bottom of it. If that doesn't work out maybe you should move out.

Answer 10

Your Mom keeps nagging u since u may be her only child n wen u lost ur father she hav lost her life partner so she has no one elses company except urs. She keeps pointing out at ur mistakes as she thinks u r her totally her responsibility n she wants u to be PERFECT so dat da people wont say dat as she didnt hav father see wat she hav grown up to dats her sole fear.
if u still feel her behaviour is not good talk to her n make her believe dat u r correct n dat everyone does mistakes its absolutely normal. and regarding da fight spend as much time as possible with her share ur feelings with her tell wat happnd in da whole day spend ur time with her show her how much u love her n she will start feeling dat she has nurtured a good girl n she will become satisfied n will may be stop pointing at ur mistakes. ALL DA BEST

Answer 11

i dont know how to stop it, its part of the package . family you cant choose who your related to. And of course there are going to be arguments. Now if those arguments are about things/situations that are out of your control or anyone else's and somehow your the scapegoat, i suggest a talk pointing out its not your fault and re evaluate the situation. try counsling bring your so you can see it from a diff perspective and find out the origin of the conflict.