Should your in-laws have a key to your house and come and go as they please?

Question

Is this normal, is it healthy for my new marriage?

and go through our papers left on the table, cook in our kitchen while we aren't there, help themselves to our wine collection, clean everywhere including under our bed, take our coins left on the side board...

Answer 1

This is not normal at all. I would put a stop to this ASAP. Your home is your own, not your in-laws' hangout.

Answer 2

Let you in laws know that you really appreciate the closeness and concern that obviously show you, however you feel that you'd like them to let you know when they'd like to visit so you can be there to spend time with them.

Then ask your parnter to please explain wile it is sensible for a trusted person to have a key to your home in case of emergencies etc you want your partner to explain to his family that it is not okay to enter the house or read your mail or clean you home.

Had an afterthought.

if the above doesnt work out try leaving a long and complicated list of things you'd like them to do for you. Make it all the worst jobs to do around the place like clean the oven, defrost the fridge and weed the garden.

This way if they keep coming to your home and your partner wont help just chill and enjoy the fact someone else is daft enough to do all the crap jobs for you.

Answer 3

NO. that will be worse than cheating. Imagine this, you and your hubby is getting your freak on and the middle of it all mom and dad walks in through the door. It's also not healthy for the relationship. Your home should be the castle that you are queen of. You should be the one that makes decisions for the home. If it was your husbands idea on giving them the key, let him understand that you did not get married to the parents but to him. The in-laws would want to know everything, on what you had for supper to when you did the laundry. I would give your marraige 1month before you file for divorce. So to spare yourself the heartache - Dnt give them that key!

Answer 4

Do they have anything to do with the funding of the house (is it their house, or do they help with rent or mortgage)? That wouldn't matter, but it might give them the impression they have freedom to intrude.

Call a locksmith--TODAY. don't tell them you are doing it until it is complete. use excuses if need be (too many burglars in the neighborhood, etc), but make it clear your house is no longer open.

Will this be hard? YES. But, if they won't respect your privacy or independence, then the problem is them. If you let it go on without standing up to them, then the problem is you.

Stop this now, or give up trying altogether.

Answer 5

Inlaws, sons, daughters, or even good friends should have a key to your house just in case something happens, will save expense to a damage door/window if someone besides you HAD to get in. That does not give them an open iinvitation to use it any time. If they come over knock/doorbell and leave if no one answers the door. I tell them next time not to just walk into your house, it's my house and it's what I want. Be polite and they should understand without any hard feelings, and if they do "oh-well"

Answer 6

This is absolutely not okay. You need to be sure you and your spouse are on the same page about this. Then, both of you need to have a conversation with them. Your spouse should be supportive and initiate this. This is your life together and shouldn't be invaded by anyone. Especially in-laws. Can't believe in-laws are even comfortable behaving that way! Shame on them!

Answer 7

Obviously this is a matter of personal opinion, but I would advise that you give them a copy of your key only if you know that you can trust them NOT to come and go as they please. If they wish to visit, they should show you the same courtesy as anyone else and call before coming, and then knock or ring the bell instead of simply walking in. Good luck!

Answer 8

No, your in-laws should have a key to your house only if you are locked out and need to get in, or other such situations. If they cannot be trusted with your key tell your husband that you absolutely will not stand for this. I would entrust my key to another family member or neighbor instead. It is not o.k. for them to intrude on you and your new husband's world.

Answer 9

If they live closely it would be advantageous because you might need them to give you a key in case of an emergency. For example, you locked your keys in the house.

However, come and go as they please is not a good idea. They should never be there unless you are there. The exception is that you asked them to be there to run an errand or something like that. But, that is not come and go as please.

Answer 10

Oh Heck no and absolutely not! That is an invasion of privacy. They are nosey and have no buisness going through things in the home. They would have to go elsewhere. They have disrespected the household and you. Family or not.

Answer 11

No! absolutely Not! Your house is your house. You married their son and vows to live with him alone, and I have never heard of a wedding vow that says "to live with you in a house where your folks can come and go as they please."
It isn't normal and absolutely not healthy for new marriage, you need privacy and you ought to have one. In my own opinion, both sides shouldn't have the liberty to enter your house or to have a key to your house. Your house is as sacred as your marriage, marriage is between man and wife not man, wife and in-laws!
Good luck with your marriage!
Celebrate life!
Be in peace with God!