Is this selfish if....?

Question

your hadn't seen members of your family which you were close to for a long time, and your mum had stopped you from contacting them. I've recently got in contact with them, and mum is stopping me from going out anywhere on case i try to see them, contact them. THEY HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG! She keeps me indoors and looking after my brother whilst she's at work in order to keep our house.

Is it selfish if i move away with the family i have missed for such a long time?

please answer and tell me what you would do in my situation!

thank you

i am 16, and i had problems with my dad, he sent me a letter giving details on how was going to commit suicide. he's alright now and is a councillor. the family that i want to move with is my my aunty, they have said that it is fine.

My brother is only my half brother and not related to the family that i would like to move to.

Answer 1

How old are you and what is your family situation? Is it your father she's keeping you from? She may have good reasons and they may have done many things wrong... or they might not have. Keep in mind that your mother may know many things which you do not. Also, if she is relying on you to maintain the family because your father is not there for whatever reason then you absolutely have a responsibility to help her and your brother out.

It is very selfish to move away and leave your mother and brother in a tough situation. It's not selfish to want to see your relative, but to leave the rest of your family it is VERY much so.

Just read your added info and I'm not going to edit the above but... given the information, if your mother can handle her own it might not be all that selfish... it's all dependent on how well she will be able to manage with you gone. If, in your heart, you know it won't be that much tougher on her then you might want to get out of the situation. I still think it will be selfish by definition, but on a different note I don't think being selfish is always the wrong decision.

Answer 2

It'll be selfish if you'll move away without discussing the matter with your mum.
Your mum must have valid reasons for keeping you from seeing them. Try talking to her or try to find out about it from that family member why but do this very discretely, you wouldn't want them to feel guilty for your disobedience. Family is always a family, they'd never stop loving you because you did something wrong or something they did not approved of, honesty is always the key. Mothers often forget to tell WHY often because they are too busy being moms, and asking them WHY is always the best way to break down the wall between.

Answer 3

I would not think that it is selfish, but it is hard to assess such a situation from a distance, without knowing the individuals that are involved. I presume that your mother might have some reasons for preventing contact, but then again, she could be selfish as well or have alterior or hidden motives.
The best solution might be to contact Social Services and ask them to arrange a family case conference, during which all the (obviously unsolved) questions and problems can be raised and - hopefully - settled for good.

Answer 4

You didn't mention your age. Sometimes there are reasons for situations like this where we don't have the whole story. Maybe if your mother let you know the story behind the story, it would make more sense. And then again, maybe there is no deeper reason. It's hard to answer your question without a little more information... your age, your mother's reason for not letting you see these family members. In any case, good luck. It's lonely when you miss people you love, whatever the reason.

Answer 5

If you are of an age that legally you can maintain yourself, then no this is not a selfish want. Your mother seems to need to control situations although this is just an assumption on my part reading from your question. Surely wouldn't it be better if all parties involved were prepared to sit down and talk out these issues. If I were you I would calmly talk to my mother, reassure her that this isn't you being disloyal, but you want to exercise your right to see other members of your family, all the best.

Answer 6

Yes, it's selfish. That said, doesn't mean you shouldn't do it. I don't know though - don't have enough information and to tell the truth, I don't think you do either. How do you know these family members did nothing wrong? It is possible that your mother is trying to protect you in two ways - one by keeping you away and two by not telling you something she knows that might hurt you emotionally.


Good luck in your decision.

Answer 7

I think u shld ask yr mum y isnt she letting u meet yr relatives,is that reason fair enough for u to break relations with them! Then it all depends on you, whether or not u will get affected by it, if the reason is strong and is affecting yr parents then its better to part or if u think u can handle tn make yr mum understand that yr going out with yr relatives wont hurdle yr relationship with her!!
No its not selfish motive at all if the reasons are void!
Take care

Answer 8

why the hell isn't she letting you see your famliy? that's sooo messed up. maybe just tell her that i want to see them and miss them. and you won't stop me. and if she says no, then go with u and ur brother. and go to your family. there a big part of life. if you don't have them who will you go to if you need a hand? other then your friends? ur moms the selfish one not letting you see them. just uand ur brother go to see them. nothing can stop u. Good luck <33

Answer 9

if its immediate family members, you can move. but ur mother and that part of the family have to be ok with that. it is selfish from ur mums view though.

Answer 10

No, you aren't being selfish. She might know something you don't...it is hard for me to say. Seek help from another adult that can help you sort this out...someone you trust, and someone who knows you and your Mom. Or someone you can talk to.