Please give the best joke you know?

Question

^_^

Answer 1

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital,wearing an oxygen mask
over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from
a difficult four hour surgical procedure. A young, student nurse
appears to give him a partial sponge bath.

"Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask. "Are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here
to wash your upper body and feet."

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his
testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls
back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his penis
in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them
around. Then,she takes a close look and says, "There's nothing
wrong with them, Sir!!"

The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly,
"Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very,
very closely this time.....

A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k?"

Answer 2

Non-scary ghost story


There was this case in this hospital's Intensive Care ward where patients always died in the same bed and on Friday mornings regardless of their age, gender, medical history or medical conditions.

This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had to do with the supernatural. Why the death at that same bed on Fridays? So the doctors decide to go down to that particular ward to investigate the cause of the incidents....

Come Friday morning, everyone at the hospital ward nervously waited for the terrible phenomenon to occur again.


The new = unknowing patient laid there.....

Some doctors holding wooden crosses, prayer books and other holy objects to ward off evils......... waiting....the patient was = resting still. then 8am...... 8:30am........

Just before the 'cursed' time...... the door to the ward swung open......


Then Ah Soh, the part-time Friday cleaner, comes in and unplugs the life support system so that she can use the vacuum cleaner.


This is only a joke - keep smiling :)

Singapore is acclaimed to have world-class hospital facilities and medical research labs. So don't worry.

Answer 3

Cerificate For Sex

There was a fellow talking to his buddy one day.

The first fellow said, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I'm stumped."

His buddy said, "I have an idea. Why don't you make up a certificate that says she can have two hours of great sex, any way she wants it. She'll probably be thrilled!"

So, the first fellow did just that.

The next day his buddy asked, "Well, did you take my suggestion? How'd it turn out?"

The first fellow replied, "She loved it. She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the mouth, and ran out the door yelling, 'I'll see you in two hours'!"

Answer 4

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks
into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the
guy out of the bed and ties him to a chair.
While tying the girl to the bed, he gets on top of her, kisses her
neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband whispers to his wife, "Listen, this
guy's an escaped convict - look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time
in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he
wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter
how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry,
he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which the wife responds, "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was
whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had
any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong, honey. I love you, too."

Answer 5

Wenn ist das Nunstück git und Slotermeyer?


Ja! ... Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput.

Answer 6

Jokes about Angela Merkel ?!?!
Herr Kapellmeister, there are no JOKES –
it' all true !!!

Answer 7

Whats in it for me?

Answer 8

whats blue and fluffy?

blue fluff!